Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Worry Wart

Sometimes that title describes me well. Today is one of those days where it aptly fits how I'm feeling. Full of worry, anxiety, and concern about several things. Allow me to elaborate...

I track my temperature daily as part of trying to conceive. The background on this practice is described well at this website, but the basics are that you should see a noticeable shift in temperatures shortly after you ovulate, which is a way of confirming that you've ovulated (temps should rise after ovulation, and remain higher until right before your period starts, assuming you're not pregnant).

So from my update about my appointment with Dr. H. on the 28th and how she said I would ovulate that same day or the next (28th or 29th), my temps should have started to rise on the 29th or 30th and should be higher now than they were prior to those dates. Well, they haven't changed much at all, so that is what spurred the worry wart in me to come out this morning.

Worries such as:
Did I not ovulate this month?
Did we not time intercourse appropriately?
Was Dr. H. wrong?
I am getting over a cold...did that sickness halt the process building up to ovulation and now it will be delayed (meaning that I still have not yet ovulated)?
I hate taking my temperature!!
It's not going to happen this month either, is it?

Isn't it amazing how quickly your mind can fill with thoughts of worry? It's like zero to worry in six seconds...it's the sports car of my mind, the Worry Ferrari.

Thankfully, I was instantly aware of the fact that I was worrying about something that, in the big picture, is not something worth worrying about. So that led me to start praying right away for strength to take every thought captive and to let go of all anxiety about this. After all, like Luke 12:25 says, who can add a day to their lifespan by worrying? Perhaps the better question is who can conceive a child by worrying? It certainly does not contribute anything positive to that endeavor. And no matter what temperatures say, God is bigger and greater than anything and everything. If he can conceive a child in a virgin's womb, then he can conceive a child in a womb that has lower temps than fertility experts say it should have at a certain time in her cycle - if He wants to.

Those positive thoughts and time of prayer helped bring me back to a place of waiting in hope. My goal today is to reject every worrisome thought that enters my mind and attempts to rob me of my hope. I desire to remain in the place of waiting in hope. I desire to be patient. I desire to enjoy this time in my life when it's just the two of us, and enjoy it to the fullest.

As a result of today, I have begun to pray for direction about a decision: should I continue charting my temperatures or not? I am seeking the Lord's guidance on what's best for me. After all, if charting temps is only causing me stress and leading me into the temptation of being a worry wart, then perhaps it's time to let it all go. I would still be using the progesterone cream that Dr. S. prescribed me, I would just base my doses on calendar dates of my cycle (set reminders for Day 6, 16, and 30 since my cycles average about 30 days in length). So if you're reading this, I'd appreciate prayer that the Lord would make it perfectly clear to me what I should decide about this - to track or not to track temps. Thank you so much!

In closing, I want to share some uplifting Bible verses that pertain to "waiting in hope" and seeking the Lord during that time. Be blessed my friends!

Psalms 25:5
Lead me in Your truth and teach me, For You are the God of my salvation; For You I wait all the day.

Psalms 130:5
I wait for the LORD, my soul does wait, And in His word do I hope.

Isaiah 40:31
Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Lamentations 3:25
The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him.

Romans 15:13
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

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