tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74702660470716321162024-02-06T21:44:04.402-06:00Hope Does Not DisappointOur Journey Through Infertility and AdoptionChristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.comBlogger124125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-62626381282701463072015-08-26T12:41:00.000-05:002015-08-26T12:41:08.675-05:00My Heart Still Aches For YouI don't want this blog to be all about our daughter, because the main point of this blog is to encourage those who are suffering or waiting on God to not lose hope. Because there is ALWAYS hope found in God.<br />
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Recently infertility and the pains that go along with it have been on my heart. I've met and heard from some sisters in Christ that they're still struggling. Please know that my heart still aches for you. I still know and understand your pain. I may not have experienced all that you have, but I know what it feels like to want a child when you want it, and to feel disappointment that it's not time for you to have a child yet. I know what it feels like to have friends, family members, and strangers say well-intentioned things that actually hurt you deeply. I know what it feels like to watch woman after woman in your life get pregnant and have multiple children with seemingly no effort at all. I know what it's like to question your adequacy as a woman because your body doesn't respond the way you think it should.<br />
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But the most important thing for you to know is that God knows your pain too. He isn't causing your suffering, but for some reason that you just can't understand yet, He is allowing you to suffer this trial. You can read all about it in the Bible (James 1, Romans 5, 2 Corinthians 1, 1 Peter, Philippians 4, and lots more!), about how trials and suffering are meant to grow your character. I know how hard it is to read those passages and still not understand WHY you're going through this. But I can promise you that God knows.<br />
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<b>He knows the end from the beginning. He knows your heart, your character, your strengths and weaknesses. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows that if you choose...key word: CHOOSE...to trust Him through this time of suffering, you will experience growth and persevere this trial. You WILL get through this and come out with a better perspective than when you entered. But you must choose to trust Him and always believe that He is good and loves you. </b><br />
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If instead, you choose to get angry, bitter, or lose hope, your character and walk with God will suffer. That will ultimately darken your heart and harm the relationships in your life. I've walked this line several times over the past 4 1/2 years of infertility. Sometimes I've stumbled and allowed some darkness to take over my thoughts and heart. But by the grace of God it was only for a short time.<br />
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I can only speak from my story, but for me, when we got the call that a birth mother had chosen us to adopt her baby, it started healing my heart in ways I never thought possible. I finally saw a glimpse of the final puzzle picture. I finally realized that everything...all the negative pregnancy tests, all the tears shed, all the hurtful comments I heard, all the gut wrenching moments alone with God where I wrestled with fears like "What if I never get pregnant?" I finally realized that all of those things were for a reason. I needed to experience hurt and disappointment to convict me that I don't have as much control over my life like I pridefully once thought. I needed to be broken down and question my health so that we might be open to trying a plant-based diet. I needed to experience years of disappointment so that I would start to consider the idea of adoption. I needed to see that adoption could be a possible path for us, and that maybe there could be some beauty to be found in it. I needed to wait and toil through all the time that elapsed before we submitted our adoption application. Because God knew that the month we submitted it, EVY was conceived. And God knew what we needed to put in our profile that ultimately connected with the birth family. He knew EVY was supposed to join our family long before we ever even considered the idea of adopting. It wasn't until after meeting EVY that I truly had a moment with God where I can honestly say, "God, if I never get pregnant, I know I will be okay. I know you are still good." Of course I still desire to experience pregnancy someday, but I finally let go of that "need" and truly made it nothing more than a desire.<br />
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So if you're hurting right now and you feel frustrated and confused about why you're suffering, I encourage you to turn to Him and trust Him. Lay all of your fears and tears at His feet and know that if you choose to trust God through this, you will most certainly gain wisdom and spiritual growth along the way. I'll say again something that Michael once said that I still love to remember: the blessing isn't the child (or whatever you're waiting on God for) at the end, the blessing is the trial along the way.<br />
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Don't ever lose hope!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-42589245803437264032015-08-26T12:08:00.001-05:002015-08-26T12:08:53.579-05:00How Is It Possible That We Have An 8-Month Old!?I realize my blogging frequency has plummeted...I think this is just my new reality. If you want more frequent updates/pictures, please find us on Facebook. :)<br />
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But, I'll give an update on the last several months.<br />
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<b>1-2 Months</b><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/1-2%20Months/20150217_113535_zps05d49ef4.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150217_113535_zps05d49ef4.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/1-2%20Months/20150217_113535_zps05d49ef4.jpg" height="113" width="200" /></a>
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/1-2%20Months/IMG_9857_zps2776f692.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_9857_zps2776f692.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/1-2%20Months/IMG_9857_zps2776f692.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a>
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<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/library/Elizabeth/1-2%20Months?sort=9&page=1">More Pictures</a><br />
Her eyes started focusing on us more. Developed good head strength. And smiled! Oh what a beautiful sight! Only cried a little bit after her first set of vaccines, tough girl. Still ate like a champ and slept well through the night - a huge blessing to us.<br />
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<b>2-3 Months</b><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/2-3%20Months/IMG_0023_zpsofmzlpox.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_0023_zpsofmzlpox.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/2-3%20Months/IMG_0023_zpsofmzlpox.jpg" height="267" width="400" /></a><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/library/Elizabeth/2-3%20Months?sort=9&page=1">More Pictures</a><br />
Lots more smiling and babbling. Started hair and earring grabbing, which eventually led to my getting a hair cut. Eager to move - learned how to "scooch" on her back by pushing with her legs. Big head - 83rd percentile for head circumference. :)<br />
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<b>3-4 Months</b><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/3-4%20Months/20150405_131902_zpse1mmye6v.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150405_131902_zpse1mmye6v.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/3-4%20Months/20150405_131902_zpse1mmye6v.jpg" height="297" width="167" /></a>
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/3-4%20Months/20150407_084458_zpsnd26r8hv.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150407_084458_zpsnd26r8hv.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/3-4%20Months/20150407_084458_zpsnd26r8hv.jpg" height="94" width="167" /></a>
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/3-4%20Months/IMG_0069_zpsclnt3tu1.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_0069_zpsclnt3tu1.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/3-4%20Months/IMG_0069_zpsclnt3tu1.jpg" height="111" width="167" /></a>
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<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/library/Elizabeth/3-4%20Months?sort=9&page=1">More Pictures</a><br />
I officially quit my job to be full-time Mom! EVY started blowing lots of spit bubbles. Also started to give us some soft laughs. Started rolling over to tummy and back before 4 months old...which at first concerned me during nighttime sleep because I was worried about SIDS, but after extensive Googling, I learned that once baby can roll back and forth on their own, you don't have to worry as much about it, just make sure their crib environment is safe. Started teething at 3.5 months (but teeth didn't appear for several more months). Still ate and slept great.<br />
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<b>4-5 Months</b><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/4-5%20Months/20150511_202249_zpsgump5trj.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150511_202249_zpsgump5trj.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/4-5%20Months/20150511_202249_zpsgump5trj.jpg" height="356" width="200" /></a>
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/4-5%20Months/20150425_105537_zpsnyzjyrqr.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150425_105537_zpsnyzjyrqr.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/4-5%20Months/20150425_105537_zpsnyzjyrqr.jpg" height="113" width="200" /></a>
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<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/library/Elizabeth/4-5%20Months?sort=9&page=1">More Pictures</a><br />
Made a turtle face as pictured on the right that we love. Rolled over with ease and loved sleeping on her tummy. Giggles a lot more and is very playful. Tried to sit up and push up when on tummy.<br />
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<b>5-6 Months</b><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/5-6%20Months/Bane_EVY_zpsnainscpe.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo Bane_EVY_zpsnainscpe.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/5-6%20Months/Bane_EVY_zpsnainscpe.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/library/Elizabeth/5-6%20Months?sort=9&page=1">More Pictures</a><br />
Went to visit the birth family - had a wonderful time seeing everyone again! Took many precious pictures and videos. Still ate and slept great. On the brink of crawling. Loves our pets. So playful and goofy.<br />
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<b>6-7 Months</b><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/6-7%20Months/IMG_0507_zpswpb2qswp.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_0507_zpswpb2qswp.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/6-7%20Months/IMG_0507_zpswpb2qswp.jpg" height="267" width="400" /></a><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/library/Elizabeth/6-7%20Months?sort=9&page=1">More Pictures</a><br />
And she's crawling! Also sitting up while using an arm as a kickstand. Enjoys bouncing in the jumper. Loves the pets and crawling after them. Started solid foods...banana is her favorite. She's a good fit for us! Lots of giggles. We finalized our adoption this month!<br />
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<b>7-8 Months</b><br />
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130335_zps2ut2qsnh.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150818_130335_zps2ut2qsnh.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130335_zps2ut2qsnh.jpg" height="56" width="100" /></a>
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130341_zpsnexlvhbx.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150818_130341_zpsnexlvhbx.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130341_zpsnexlvhbx.jpg" height="56" width="100" /></a>
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130447_zps7aktpc7c.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150818_130447_zps7aktpc7c.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130447_zps7aktpc7c.jpg" height="56" width="100" /></a>
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130449_zpsygng0siz.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150818_130449_zpsygng0siz.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130449_zpsygng0siz.jpg" height="56" width="100" /></a>
<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130451_zps6qrep4yr.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20150818_130451_zps6qrep4yr.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months/20150818_130451_zps6qrep4yr.jpg" height="56" width="100" /></a>
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<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/library/Elizabeth/7-8%20Months?sort=9&page=1">More Pictures</a><br />
Crawls with ease and very quickly when she wants to hustle and get somewhere. Also sits up easily without arm support. AND started pulling up on things to get on her knees. Just a matter of time before she gets a foot underneath and stands up. First two teeth on the bottom came through, our cute little bulldog. Loves to play, pull things from their shelves, smoosh her face into the crib railings like she's in jail, throw and then chase after her toys...while panting like a dog (I guess they've been teaching her how to fetch). "Talks" a lot more. And screams a LOT more. Eardrum piercing squeals to communicate that she's bored, mad, or tired. Went "swimming" for the first time (we held her the whole time) and loved it! We put her in the nursery at church for the first time and praise the Lord she has yet to get sick! Church was getting to be difficult when trying to keep her entertained and quiet. Wears 9 month size clothing, weighs close to 17 lbs, and is about 27 inches long.<br />
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<b>All videos are posted <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCshD_p2zJ3IXKpJItmYXcGw/videos">here</a>.</b><br />
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Now somehow we have an 8-month old who is growing up WAY too fast. For the first 7 months, our mentality was "I can't believe she's already __ months old!" Then when she started crawling at 7 months, it shifted to "Wait...she's ONLY 8 months old??" My day-to-day routine completely changed once she became mobile. Time feels like it has flown by, but then in reality not that much time has passed. It's a weird feeling.<br />
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But motherhood has been such a joy for me. I had always heard from friends that they felt desperate to have adult conversations or to get a break. Though I can certainly understand the frustrations and stresses that come with being a mom, I truly love my day-to-day "job". My role isn't what defines me as a person, but it's a role that I'm so thankful and honored that I get to fulfill. It stretches me, convicts me of my own selfishness, and inspires me to live a life that she might want to look up to. I'm just so in love with this little girl and can't believe she hasn't always been in our lives. Michael is completely smitten with her and will probably buy her a pony if she asks for it. :) But really y'all...parenthood has been such a blessing and wonderful growing experience. We still make our marriage a higher priority by setting aside time to talk, but our hearts and home are so much fuller with sweet EVY.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-91826097134461604012015-04-25T19:11:00.003-05:002015-04-25T19:11:40.365-05:00When God Makes You WaitI saw this on Facebook and loved reading it. I hope this encourages you as well. These truths were some of the hardest for me to learn, but the struggle and heartache have been worth it because my faith has grown like never before. You are not forgotten!<br />
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<a href="http://theprayingwoman.com/2015/03/06/when-god-makes-you-wait/">http://theprayingwoman.com/2015/03/06/when-god-makes-you-wait/</a><br />
<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-75029617089562867402015-01-29T12:17:00.002-06:002015-01-29T12:17:45.395-06:00Meet EVY, The Sweetest Potato There Ever Was<a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/media/Elizabeth/Birth%20to%201%20Month/20141219_162726_zpsf0669b18.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20141219_162726_zpsf0669b18.jpg" border="0" src="http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j121/michaelchristineadopt/Elizabeth/Birth%20to%201%20Month/20141219_162726_zpsf0669b18.jpg" height="933" width="525" /></a><br />
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There is much to fill in since our last post, and I'll do my best to capture everything on here.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>Before Birth</u></b></span><br />
After we got the call that we had been chosen, we began the process of getting to know the birth family. We had the honor of meeting them in person on December 3rd in their hometown.<br />
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We took the afternoon off work and drove to their hometown. We arrived early and walked around to do a little shopping near the restaurant. We bought the best tasting chocolate ever - Taza Chocolate. Thank goodness it's not for sale at our local stores, lol.<br />
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We stopped in a bookstore and little did we know, but the birth family was there too and saw us looking at some children's books (they knew what we looked like because they had seen our profile).<br />
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Then we walked to the restaurant to meet them. It was incredible getting to meet the birth family, and was wonderful because so many family members were there and in support of their adoption plan. We got to meet the birth mother and her mom, sister, and grandmother, as well as the birth father and his mom.<br />
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These two individuals are so amazing. They're quirky and nerdy just like us, and we share a lot of the same taste in music, movies, and books. The birth family said several times that they viewed us as the grown-up versions of the birth parents. We feel so honored they feel that way!<br />
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And they are incredible. To have ended up in a tough situation, but to have maintained a mature attitude...way more courage and maturity than Michael or I ever had at their age. Michael jokes that he was still eating boogers at their age. LOL.<br />
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Anyway, we grew an instant love for them all and couldn't wait for our families to merge, all centered around a precious little baby girl. Family is not just blood and genetics. Love is all it takes. :)<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>Welcoming EVY into the World</u></b></span><br />
The birth family felt so comfortable with us that they invited us to join them at the hospital for the birth. Understand that in TX, the birth parents must wait a minimum of 48 hours before signing relinquishment papers, so before that time, they don't have to include the adoptive parents at all. It was nothing but a gift to us to invite and include us during this precious time.<br />
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Her due date was the 16th, but EVY decided she wasn't ready yet. The birth mother was scheduled to be induced on Friday morning the 19th. But EVY decided that she'd start making her way into the world at the same time they arrived at the hospital to be induced. That's right, the birth mother went into labor as she was signing into the hospital to be induced. So she didn't need to receive as much Pitocin as would have been needed.<br />
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We arrived at the hospital around lunchtime Friday, and the birth family invited us into the L&D room to hang out. The first sound we heard when entering the room was EVY's heartbeat on the monitor...what a beautiful sound! We got to meet the birth father's dad and grandma, and the birth mother's grandpa and stepdad. The birth mother had an epidural, so she was as comfortable as the situation warranted.<br />
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After a couple hours of visiting with the family, we felt hungry and decided to go get our lunch from the car and then come back. We didn't expect it to take us half an hour just to FIND our car...trust me, it was not obvious which parking garage we had parked in...turned out it wasn't either of the two garages associated with the hospital, but it was still connected to the hospital by a tunnel. What genius thought of connecting a third parking garage and then not make a single sign directing you back to it??<br />
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Anyway, we finally found our car, grabbed our lunch, and then found the cafeteria and microwaves to heat it up. We enjoyed lunch and then received a text message from the birth family that they just sent everyone but the birth mother's mom out of the room so she could start pushing!<br />
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So we went to the waiting room and waited with the rest of the birth family. The birth mother's mom called me after a little while and all I heard was a baby crying...she let me hear EVY's first cry! After a little more time passed, her mom came and said the birth father and Michael and I could come back to the delivery room to meet EVY. They wanted us to spend "the golden hour" after birth with her to help bond - yet another incredibly generous gift that they did not have to do for us. All in all, the labor lasted 10 hours.<br />
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Meeting EVY for the first time was amazing, and such a mixture of emotions. I was ecstatic, but it also suddenly occurred to me "Oh my gosh, I'm an only child, never babysat growing up, and have a germophobic compulsion that makes me squeamish around other people's kids...I have NO idea how to hold let alone care for a baby!" EVY was just so tiny and delicate, I was afraid of breaking her. So I was a little nervous the first few times with EVY, and a little horrified/amazed at how the nurses flipped and turned the babies in the nursery - they made it look like no big deal, like they weren't handling a fragile little angel. I was so amazed with Michael. He took the initiative with feeding and changing her while at the hospital. That helped me gain some confidence back.<br />
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It was a wonderful weekend with family - with the birth family and getting to know them better, with my parents who drove down also, and with EVY getting used to the idea that she would soon come home with us.<br />
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On Sunday the 21st, we first met the caseworker to sign the adoptive parent agreement. It wasn't quite as lengthy as closing on a house, but felt pretty close. Then we waited while the caseworker met with the birth parents to sign the relinquishment papers. When it was done, we visited with the birth family for a while and then said our goodbyes. Very bittersweet experience. The birth family gave us a photo album of the birth parents growing up as a child, as well as a beautiful blanket their church had blessed. Such wonderful gifts to give to EVY someday.<br />
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After our goodbyes, we went to the nursery with the caseworker to discharge EVY from the hospital and head home. That process took quite a bit longer than expected, so we got home really late that night. EVY was an angel and slept the whole car ride home until we were 5 minutes from home because she got hungry.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>EVY's First Month at Home</u></b></span><br />
Since being back home, we have learned so much as we settled into a groove. First we learned that the whole co-sleeping thing does not work for us. I'm way too much of a light sleeper that I was waking up to every little coo and sound she made and got no sleep.<br />
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Once home, we started feeding her the donated breast milk several friends have generously given to us. She's about 6 weeks old now and has been almost exclusively on breast milk for that time - what a gift! She's a fantastic eater, never refusing anything from the bottle. And she guzzles her bottles, which explains why she frequently gets hiccups. :)<br />
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She's been a great sleeper too, really taking it easy on us. Our first few days home were rough because her days and nights were flip-flopped. We realized she was getting her deepest sleep during the day, so we had the thought of trying to disrupt her daytime sleep to help her get her deepest sleep at night. That worked beautifully for her. Until we got a baby monitor, I slept in the guest room (next to the nursery) and took the night shift.<br />
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Michael was sadly dealing with his mom passing at the time (high highs and low lows all at once!) and I wanted him to be fully focused on that. You only lose your mom once and he needed to honor her and take care of everything.<br />
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After her memorial service, we got a baby monitor and I started sleeping in our bedroom again. I just keep the volume on the lowest setting and can still hear her cry when she wakes up. But thankfully, she has been sleeping through the night for a while now, which is a wonderful blessing to us. We got about 1 week behind in our workout schedule, but now we're back to a daily routine of working out and the hippie-lifestyle of plant-based eating and gardening. :)<br />
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At her first pediatrician's appointment on 12/23, she already weighed her birth weight again (6 lbs, 12 oz). She was born with a few holes in her heart that they said is pretty common. The doctor still heard the heart murmur, so we followed up with a children's cardiologist on 12/31. They did another echocardiogram, and the doctor says she only has one tiny hole remaining, and he's confident it'll close on its own. We'll see him again in early February to hopefully confirm the murmur is gone.<br />
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At her 2 week appt, she weighed 7 lb, 5 oz, and the doctor said he's very happy with her growth rate, so we can start letting her decide how long she wants to sleep at night (which she started around 6 hours and worked up since). We'll see the doctor again at 2 months for her first vaccine.<br />
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She is a feisty and very active girl. When she's awake, she is very alert, and loves to look around the room. She responds to our voices and other noises. She displayed strong neck muscles early on too, and now at 1 month can easily support/lift her head when having tummy time. Speaking of tummy time, she HATES it usually, and will have a crying fit that Mommy was so mean to put her on her tummy again. She got so mad one time that she actually rolled herself back onto her back! She's done this three times now, one of which I caught on video (which is included in the video link below). Now you'll understand why she was crying during that video!<br />
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She also loves to squirm, punch, and kick when she's awake and displeased with whatever we're doing (such as changing her diaper). :)
Her noises and grunts amuse us, and we refer to them as "E.T. noises" like the movie. Also, when she begins to cry, she starts off with a comical scoff sound, like "Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah!" And then works up to an actual cry. She loves her pacifier, which is so funny to watch/listen to her suck on - she looks like a little fishy. She hates to be swaddled, contrary to what the hospital told us to do. The reason is because she likes to self-soothe with her hands, which she can't do when they're tied down in a blanket. So we started swaddling her with her arms free and she was much happier.<br />
<br />
She has recently started to smile a little at us, usually in the mornings or after I change her diaper. She's not a fan of bath time either, but loves the time right after when I wrap her up in a towel and cradle her. Her bottom lip will quiver and pout as I comfort her. Our favorite of her expressions is her frowny face.<br />
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The pets are very interested and protective of her. Ginger thinks it's her baby and that we're never doing a good enough job raising her. Sometimes she'll chase off the other pets that go near her. So far, we've only lost one pacifier to canine casualties (chewed it up).<br />
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She also is really funny right before you feed her. She knows what's about to happen and she gets really excited by munching on her hands and making the E.T. noises. She then proceeds to guzzle her bottle and pass out. She regularly gets the hiccups and sneezes, both of which are precious to see. Her hair is also growing in nicely and is currently light brown but seems to be darkening.<br />
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This first month has flown by and we are so thankful for every moment with her. :)<br />
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Links to <a href="http://s79.photobucket.com/user/michaelchristineadopt/library/Elizabeth/Birth%20to%201%20Month?sort=9&page=1">pictures</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCshD_p2zJ3IXKpJItmYXcGw/videos">videos</a>.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-1344001575011943312014-11-22T19:20:00.000-06:002014-11-22T19:20:27.883-06:00Overjoyed and OverwhelmedI intended to write a blog post last week explaining that we had a change in caseworkers because B had decided to change careers and was sadly leaving our agency. We were sad to see her go because we had specifically requested B to be our caseworker after we met her at the initial orientation and really liked her personality. It's pretty important for us to feel a connection to the person working as our caseworker. Even though we did not want to lose her, we had also <a href="http://hopefulinfertile.blogspot.com/2014/06/home-study-part-1-complete.html">enjoyed meeting "I,"</a> the caseworker who completed our home visit portion of the home study, so we requested to be placed in I's caseload if possible.<br />
<br />
We were happy to hear last week from "I" that she was in fact assigned as our new caseworker. She is so sincere and sweet. She called me just to ask if I had any questions and to tell me that she's looking forward to working with us. She also loved seeing our profile book. "I" informed me that compared to other waiting families, we are more on the open side, so there was a likelihood that our profile might be shown to a tougher background situation soon.<br />
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So that was last week.<br />
<br />
This past week, I turned 30 on Tuesday. I had a blast celebrating with friends and family over the weekend, and affectionately call myself 30, nerdy, and thriving! "I" even sent me an email on my birthday just to wish me a happy one.<br />
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Then came Wednesday, November 19th. Busy day at the office, but got to eat a quick lunch with Michael. Then my phone rang around 2:30 pm. I recognized the area code and actually thought it might be "I" calling.<br />
<br />
Sure enough it was. "I" called and asked how I'm doing. I said good and thanked her again for the sweet birthday email. She said, "Well, I have a birthday present for you. On your birthday yesterday, I mailed your profile book to a birth mother with a tougher background."<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>"But today I have an even bigger birthday present for you: a birth mother saw your online profile and picked you guys to adopt her baby."</b></span><br />
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I immediately asked her to hold on a second, dialed Michael on my office phone and abruptly said, "Hi...come down here now." I don't think I was even polite enough to say please!<br />
<br />
"I" chuckled a little and said it must be nice working close to one another. I agreed. She asked if I call him to my office often, and I said no, so he's probably thinking it's something bad. Michael quickly arrived and shut my door while I put my phone on speaker.<br />
<br />
"I" repeated the news...and I think that's when my mind started to shut down because my heart and emotions took over. Because here's what she said next:<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>"It's a girl and she's due December 16th."</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/20141120_072618_zpsafc7802b.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 20141120_072618_zpsafc7802b.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/20141120_072618_zpsafc7802b.jpg" height="281" width="500" /></a><br />
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She asked if we wanted to hear about the birth mother.<br />
<br />
Of course!<br />
<br />
So "I" told us the details she knew at the time: 17 years old, senior in high school, also lives in Texas, is very certain about adoption because she recognizes she is not prepared to parent and has goals/dreams she hopes to achieve. She said the birth mother waited a while to tell her parents because she was afraid of how they would react, but finally told them in early November. Since that time, the birth mother has been receiving pre-natal care.<br />
<br />
She told us that the birth mother's parents were really supportive when she finally told them. And that the birth father and his family are also supportive of this adoption plan.<br />
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And here is where it begins to be a complete and obvious God-thing.<br />
<br />
"I" told us that apparently the birth mother's mom, who was trying to show her support of the adoption decision, started searching online profiles.<br />
<br />
On Tuesday - my birthday - she came across our online profile at ParentProfiles and as "I" said, "fell in love with us." She then showed our profile to her daughter (the birth mother) and she too fell in love with us.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Late Tuesday night, the birth mother called our agency and told them she wasn't interested in seeing anyone else's profile - she wants us to adopt her baby.</b></span><br />
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If you're not crying yet, grab a tissue in case this next part sends you over the edge.<br />
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"I" told us that one of the main reasons the birth mother's mom thought her daughter might like us is because the birth mother considers herself a "die-hard vegetarian" and loved that we are so passionate about that too.<br />
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You guys, the fact that we eat a plant-based diet was something we felt hesitant about stating in our profile because we feared no birth mother would want to pick us crazy leaf-eating hippies. Isn't that just so like God, to take something we're insecure about and reassure us that His love knows no bounds? And to think, we never would have been open to eating a plant-based diet had it not been for our struggles with infertility. I started weeping after "I" told us that part.<br />
<br />
Furthermore, all along we have desired - but not expected - to end up in a situation where we might be able to pick the baby up directly from the hospital (at the minimum 48 hours after birth) instead of having to wait for placement to be at least 30 days after birth. In the latter situation, they place the baby in a transitional family's home while they wait the statute of limitations for the birth father to possibly appear to claim parental rights.<br />
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But in this situation, because the birth father is known, supportive, and cooperating, this will be the situation we have desired - pick up from the hospital.<br />
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All along, we have also desired a healthy birth mother who might take good care of herself while pregnant (no drugs or alcohol consumption). We were willing to consider some of the tougher situations where usage was involved, but that is not this situation either - the birth mother has taken great care of herself.<br />
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I'd like to just pause for a moment and link to this song that speaks directly to our hearts right now: "Overwhelmed" by Big Daddy Weave.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/F6oxXwRWFTo?rel=0" width="500"></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
We are speechless and overcome with awe at how intimately God knows our hearts. And beyond that, He so tenderly touches the deepest corners of our hearts in unexpected and unimaginable ways.<br />
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This journey was not our original plan. But it has clearly been God's plan all along. It is because, and only because, of our inability to conceive a biological child that we even considered adoption in the first place.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>And now there is a brave young lady and a precious baby girl inside her womb that are about to meld with our lives forever.</b></span><br />
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God's plans may not line up with your plans, and they might contain a fair share of pain and suffering, but I hope you can see from our story that His plans also contain immense joy and grace.<br />
<br />
This is an answer to many of our prayers. A 4-year struggle with infertility led to an unexpected surprise of only waiting 3 months to be chosen by a birth mother to adopt her baby.<br />
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We are so excited, scared, overjoyed, overwhelmed, and completely awestruck.<br />
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In less than 4 weeks, we will become parents! And we're happy to share the name if you ask us, but on the blog I'll just share her initials: EVY - we plan to use that as a nickname anyway. :)<br />
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We have enjoyed sharing this joyous news with family and friends and thank you all so much for the outpouring of love and support. You have made us feel so secure and encouraged, which is what we needed with all of the emotions and short time line of preparing for a baby. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for us to be prepared, for the birth mother to have a safe and healthy delivery, for God to comfort her heart as she faces the emotions of placing her baby for adoption, and for our little "sweet potato" to feel the abundant love that already exists for her.<br />
<br />
Much Love,<br />
ChristineChristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-85178683090569135112014-10-23T16:06:00.000-05:002014-10-23T16:06:03.630-05:00So...Now What?Many friends and loved ones have been asking for updates on our adoption journey. It usually goes something like this:<br />
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Friend: "So...um...how is the adoption...like...going?"<br />
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My answers have probably been very underwhelming, but I just want you all to know that we welcome people to ask about our journey. So please don't ever hesitate to ask us about it. :)<br />
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With that said, I just want to prepare you for our typical answer when you do ask:<br />
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Me: "Good...we're just still waiting..."<br />
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That's pretty much all we're going to be doing for a while. And that's okay - we're prepared for that and are very used to waiting. The difference between our current "waiting" and our previous "waiting" is that there is an extremely high chance of a baby at the end of this waiting.<br />
<br />
Over the past 4 years with infertility, the waiting was very uncertain with no guarantee whatsoever of a baby through pregnancy. That's what made it so difficult. There was no due date, no deadline, and no approximate timeline. Just the month-to-month cyclical agony of "Maybe?" and then "No."<br />
<br />
But with adoption -- <a href="http://hopefulinfertile.blogspot.com/2014/05/we-have-some-news.html">especially how God so clearly opened our hearts to even consider adopting in the first place</a> -- we are very confident that a baby is on the way to joining our family. It may take a year or more for that to actually happen, but it feels more like a really lengthy pregnancy than the complete uncertainty that comes with infertility.<br />
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So...Now What?<br />
<br />
If you are at all unfamiliar with the adoption process (like I once was), I'm happy to share what's been happening with our journey since <a href="http://hopefulinfertile.blogspot.com/2014/08/approved-and-waiting.html">getting approved</a>.<br />
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First, you can see that more than 2 months have passed since we were officially approved. That's crazy to me how fast the time has gone, but in a good way. Our lives have been really busy during that time, but we have made some progress in the adoption process.<br />
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After we were approved, our caseworker, B, told us to work on our profiles. It probably varies by agency, but our agency wanted us to create:<br />
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<ol>
<li>Printed profile book</li>
<li>Agency's website online profile</li>
<li>ParentProfiles.com online profile</li>
<li>Agency's Facebook page profile (if you are a sneaky super spy and you manage to find our profile on our agency's Facebook page, please do NOT comment or "like" it in any way; we do not want our personal Facebook account with our full names associated with our adoption profile.)</li>
</ol>
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<br />
Thank God we had already started working on our printed profile book months ago! It took much more time than either one of us had originally thought. Granted, we are both perfectionists, so we spent a ton of time picking out the most appropriate photos, caption text, and organizing the flow of it. But our efforts clearly paid off because B literally had only four comments. Four! And they were so minor that she said we didn't need to run the final version past her before ordering the printed copies. If you're interested in seeing our printed profile book, you can <a href="http://www.mixbook.com/photo-books/interests/yager-life-book-10588231?vk=759PD8gn7A">click here</a> to view it.<br />
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For the online profiles, we took a selection of photos from the printed book and used a lot of the same text. Having spent so much time and effort on the printed books made it much easier to build the three online profiles. The hardest part was getting familiar with each online profile builder. Again, I don't want to share the Facebook profile in order to avoid it somehow linking up with our personal account, but here are the links to view our profiles on the <a href="http://pregnancyhotline.org/parentProfiles/parent/102354">agency's website</a> and <a href="http://www.parentprofiles.com/profiles/db30347.html">ParentProfiles.com</a><br />
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Now that we're finished with all of our profiles, we've completed all the steps that we have control over, so we are now waiting for the Lord to finish the rest of this story. Essentially we are waiting for a birth mother (whose situation fits with our level of openness) to view our profile and want to meet us. B said that our printed book will probably be shown around months 6-9 (February-May 2015). They only show a small number of books to a birth mother at a time (so as not to overwhelm her with choices) and they first show families' books that have been waiting longer to be fair. But anyone can view our online profiles and so potentially a birth mother could see our profile and contact our agency before our printed book is ever shown. Again, God is the One in control of this process.<br />
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During this time of waiting, our agency requests that we take various courses and continue to become educated about adoption. So far, we have taken a Baby Care Basics class and an Infant CPR class, which was where we met this creepy dummy doll:<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/10477292_10202578696850572_4118773960294835030_n_zpsd3689d0a.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 10477292_10202578696850572_4118773960294835030_n_zpsd3689d0a.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/10477292_10202578696850572_4118773960294835030_n_zpsd3689d0a.jpg" height="533" width="400" /></a><br />
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We have also joined a support group at our church specifically for families that foster or adopt. It's been wonderful meeting other families who have walked this road ahead of us and can offer some wisdom and perspective.<br />
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We're so thankful to each of you that continues to pray for us and support us as we wait for God to deliver our baby into our lives!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-4975882291978135842014-10-02T11:23:00.000-05:002014-10-02T11:23:27.202-05:00Webinar About InfertilityMy friend, Jocelyn, told me about this webinar. I'll be busy during work that day, but hope to watch it later because I think it would be encouraging. If you or anyone you know is struggling with infertility, feel free to pass along this opportunity.<br />
<br />
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<tr style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;"><td colspan="2" height="51"><a href="http://links.rbcministries.mkt6605.com/ctt?kn=1&ms=MjE1MjY4MjkS1&r=NzgxOTc1MTk3NzES1&b=3&j=NDIwMTI1OTU4S0&mt=1&rt=0" name="www_rbc_org"><img alt="RBC Ministries e-Newsletter" border="0" src="http://resources.rbc.org/enews/rbc/rbcenewsheader.gif" height="51" width="500" /></a></td></tr>
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<a href="http://links.rbcministries.mkt6605.com/ctt?kn=2&ms=MjE1MjY4MjkS1&r=NzgxOTc1MTk3NzES1&b=3&j=NDIwMTI1OTU4S0&mt=1&rt=0" name="cc_readytalk_com_r_jh5pjaqyv67"><img align="center" alt="Infertility: Finding Hope with Empty Arms - Join us for a live webinar event on Tuesday, October 14, 10am (EST)." border="0" src="http://cdn.rbc.org/enews/rbc/2014/201410/journeythroughbrokendreams_600x226b.jpg" height="174" style="color: #353d4c; font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 3px;" width="500" /></a><br />
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<img alt="Finding Hope with Empty Arms" border="0" src="http://cdn.rbc.org/enews/rbc/2014/201410/findinghope.gif" style="color: #353d4c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span 500px="" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;" width:="500"></span><br />
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 1em;">
Infertility is a difficult and delicate topic for 25% of couples in the childbearing stage of life. Few will talk openly about it. But Sheridan and Merryn Voysey do.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 1em;">
Join the Voyseys and host Tim Jackson on Tuesday, October 14, from 10:00-11:00 a.m. EDT as RBC Ministries presents a live webinar called <em>Infertility: Finding Hope with Empty Arms</em>. The Voyseys share their story of enduring a decade of failed in vitro fertilization (IFV) procedures and attempts to adopt without any success. They know firsthand the painful burden of hope deferred and the heartache and isolation that haunts couples struggling with infertility.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 1em;">
In this webinar we will explore some of the healthy and unhealthy ways a couple can respond when facing the problem of infertility. As a part of this lively discussion, you will learn to:</div>
<ul style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.3em;">Identify how husbands and wives handle the struggles of infertility differently</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.3em;">Understand the challenges and decisions regarding infertility options</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.3em;">Understand the ethical dilemma of in vitro fertilization (IFV) for Christian couples</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.3em;">Discover the commonality in all broken dreams that is not unique to infertility</li>
<li style="margin-bottom: 0.3em;">Understand how perhaps the greater tragedy than a broken dream is a life forever defined by it</li>
</ul>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 1em;">
If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility or another broken dream, plan to join us for <em>Infertility: Finding Hope with Empty Arms</em> and listen to a couple who has walked that road and found hope and healing.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 1em;">
Register today by clicking on the link below.</div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://links.rbcministries.mkt6605.com/ctt?kn=2&ms=MjE1MjY4MjkS1&r=NzgxOTc1MTk3NzES1&b=3&j=NDIwMTI1OTU4S0&mt=1&rt=0" name="cc_readytalk_com_r_jh5pjaqyv67"><img alt="CLICK HERE TO WATCH" border="0" src="http://resources.rbc.org/enews/rbc/201306/clickheretoregister.png" style="color: #353d4c; font-size: 17pt; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 3px;" /></a></div>
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Join the conversation on Twitter! <strong>#EmptyArms</strong></div>
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-104367191098231002014-08-19T12:29:00.000-05:002014-08-19T12:29:37.080-05:00Approved and Waiting!We just wanted to share the good news that it's official - we've been approved to adopt through our agency, which means we're now officially waiting for a birth mother to choose us to adopt her baby!<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/gladney_zpsab979fe4.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo gladney_zpsab979fe4.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/gladney_zpsab979fe4.jpg" /></a><br />
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They have told us in the past that from this point forward, the average wait time is about 15 months, but it's all in God's hands. He knows the exact child that should end up in our family and we just look forward to meeting our little <a href="http://hopefulinfertile.blogspot.com/2014/05/burlap-sack-baby.html">Burlap Sack Baby</a>!<br />
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We would appreciate your continued prayers that we would have patience as we wait to meet our precious baby and prepare to become parents!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-49820898129146930022014-07-25T14:43:00.000-05:002014-07-25T14:43:54.536-05:00SO Worth the WaitThis past weekend was full of joyous celebration as I co-hosted a baby shower for my dear friend, Jocelyn. I met Jocelyn for the first time in August 2011 at NWYM class. I overheard her tearful conversation with someone else in the class that she had been trying to get pregnant for a while and didn't know what else to do. My ears perked up immediately, because my heart was struggling with the same thing.<br />
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I boldly introduced myself and shared that I too had been trying to get pregnant for several months (it had not quite been one year for me at the time) and asked if she wanted to be friends. We had an instant connection over such a heartbreaking trial.<br />
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I remember the first time we hung out, we shared our background stories and our struggles with infertility. Oh how much we hated measuring our basal body temperatures. (We even joked that hopefully after getting pregnant someday, we'd throw a thermometer burning party.) We shared our frustrations with the insensitive comments and questions from well-meaning people (So, do you have any kids? Oh don't worry, just relax, and it'll happen! Oh I know exactly how you feel - it took us 2 whole months to conceive our third child.) We also shared the bittersweet pain we felt when friends announced their pregnancies, and the feeling that we were left behind, forgotten by God and society even though our hearts longed to be remembered.<br />
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In a world that does not talk enough about, let alone understand, infertility and the deep pain it causes, we shared a sisterly bond that will likely last the rest of our lives. We got together regularly for lunch, and then stayed in touch through email and telephone after they moved out of town. We supported one another through all the doctor's appointments, blood test results, two week waits, negative pregnancy tests, and the dreaded periods. We encouraged one another, cried together, laughed together, reminded one another that God has a plan, and always kept hoping that one day our struggles would end with us finally becoming mothers.<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/IMG_6333_zps9b9ac93e.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_6333_zps9b9ac93e.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/IMG_6333_zps9b9ac93e.jpg" height="333" width="500" /></a><br />
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The thing about God's plan is that it takes time. Usually much more time than you want or realize.<br />
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<b><i>But the point of waiting, and of suffering, is not what is waiting at the end of the road. It's all the bumps, rocks, and cracks along the way. </i></b><br />
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Those sharp rocks hurt like nothing else, but they make you tougher. They teach you to accept your present circumstances but to push onward and not let your circumstances define you.<br />
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Those deep cracks that your countless tears fall into make you feel like your prayers go unanswered. That you are alone in the darkness. Uncared for. Forgotten. But when you're in utter darkness, you stand the best chance of seeing the tiniest sparks of Light. You're ears are primed and ready to hear the softest whispers.<br />
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It's the journey <i>to</i> what's waiting at the end that makes the waiting worth going through. As Michael so wisely said one time, "The blessing of infertility isn't so much the child at the end, but the trial itself."<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/IMG_6335_zps2fdbad32.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_6335_zps2fdbad32.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/IMG_6335_zps2fdbad32.jpg" height="333" width="500" /></a><br />
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Though it is deeply painful, and makes you question everything about yourself and what makes you a woman, infertility is one of the greatest blessings God can give His daughters. Because it always has a purpose. You see it multiple times in the Bible - Sarah, Rachel, Elizabeth, Hannah, Ruth, Rebekah - women who suffered years of waiting to conceive a child. But each child played an integral role in God's plan.<br />
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Every story of suffering, every trial, has a purpose. God truly does have a plan, but He will not be rushed. His plan is intricate and perfect and simply has to unfold according to His timing.<br />
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So while you're on that bumpy, rocky, crack-filled road...pay attention. Look around and listen for God. There is so much to be learned from Him along the journey. The waiting is not in vain. It's the most important part. And God's plan is SO worth the wait!<br />
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God, I thank you so much for answering my prayers for Jocelyn to become pregnant. I thank you for her friendship and the journey you've brought each of us on. You are always and only good, and I look forward to seeing the rest of Your plan unfold.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-31539717866805159172014-07-18T11:30:00.000-05:002014-07-18T11:30:03.580-05:00Home Study Part 2 CompleteWe had our office interviews with our caseworker, B, on Friday, June 20th - the day before leaving on our <a href="http://yagerfamilyblog.blogspot.com/2014/07/costa-rica.html">vacation to Costa Rica</a>!<br />
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We woke up early and drove to The Chosen Agency's office to meet at 9:00am. By the time we actually sat down to start the interviews, it was about 9:30am.<br />
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First, B interviewed us as a couple. For those that are unfamiliar with adoption, I want to shed some light on just how PERSONAL it is. There is nothing left under the table - we were asked about our marriage, our struggles, how we fight/resolve conflicts, strengths and weaknesses, how we plan to parent, what kind of expectations we have regarding the adoption process, the adopted child, and parenting. And we were asked for more detail about what situations we are or are not comfortable adopting with (such as ethnicity considerations, drug/alcohol usage, the nature of the unplanned pregnancy such as rape).<br />
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Michael and I consider ourselves to be pretty open and direct people, but it's very uncomfortable putting yourselves in the spotlight and having all your secrets, fears, and vulnerabilities exposed. We completely understand why the adoption process is so personal in order to look out for the child's interests, but I hope I've communicated well that the automatic "solution" to infertility is not necessarily adopting because it's an extremely invasive process that couples who only have biological children may not fully understand. (Imagine if when you got pregnant, your doctor began questioning you on the state of your marriage, struggles with sin, how you plan to parent, how accepting your family will be, etc.) We were real close to B after all those questions! :)<br />
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B interviewed us as a couple until about 11:30am, and then we broke for lunch. We drove to a local vegan restaurant and enjoyed a very tasty meal with dessert.<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Costa%20Rica/Pre-Vacation%20and%20Arrival/2014-06-20121609_zpsc8b3a69c.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 2014-06-20121609_zpsc8b3a69c.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Costa%20Rica/Pre-Vacation%20and%20Arrival/2014-06-20121609_zpsc8b3a69c.jpg" height="667" width="500" /></a><br />
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Costa%20Rica/Pre-Vacation%20and%20Arrival/2014-06-20123050_zps59a7d88b.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 2014-06-20123050_zps59a7d88b.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Costa%20Rica/Pre-Vacation%20and%20Arrival/2014-06-20123050_zps59a7d88b.jpg" height="375" width="500" /></a><br />
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Costa%20Rica/Pre-Vacation%20and%20Arrival/2014-06-20123105_zps450724b0.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 2014-06-20123105_zps450724b0.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Costa%20Rica/Pre-Vacation%20and%20Arrival/2014-06-20123105_zps450724b0.jpg" height="667" width="500" /></a><br />
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Costa%20Rica/Pre-Vacation%20and%20Arrival/2014-06-20125129_zps9a8be732.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 2014-06-20125129_zps9a8be732.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Costa%20Rica/Pre-Vacation%20and%20Arrival/2014-06-20125129_zps9a8be732.jpg" height="375" width="500" /></a><br />
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We got back to The Chosen Agency around 1:30pm and continued our couples interview until about 3:30pm. B had told us that the whole thing would take approximately 4 hours to complete. Well, we must be very long-winded because 3:30pm was when we finished the <i>couples</i> interview. Then B interviewed Michael one-on-one until 4:00pm and they still did not finish all of the questions! B told us to enjoy our vacation and to schedule the remaining one-on-one interviews over the phone.<br />
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Well, we just completed our one-on-one interviews Wednesday and yesterday. These questions were also very personal: talked about our childhood, our parents individually, how we're alike and unlike our parents, how are our parents' marriages and parenting tactics, what we learned from them about marriage and parenting, other family members, strengths and weaknesses of our spouse, any physical, mental, emotional, or financial concerns related to adoption. So. Personal.<br />
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But, we're done, we've shared honestly and openly, perhaps more than she wanted to hear. It's been very humbling and eye-opening that so many life events and relationships can impact your personality and influence your parenting. Though we feel a little bit on display, we also feel more confident about becoming parents and learned a lot throughout these interviews. We're also really, really thankful to have B as our caseworker, because she is so friendly, sweet, and reassuring.<br />
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So now what?<br />
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B and her team will review our application in depth. (It sounds weird to say, but it's like we'll be discussed in detail in a committee.) After reviewing our application, they will decide whether or not to approve us to adopt through their agency. We should hear from them around mid-August with this decision. If approved, we'll officially be added to the waiting list. Yes, THE waiting list! That will also start the clock on their average "wait time" of 15 months.<br />
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God is good (always and only good). He has completely led this process, and we trust Him to work out all of the details as we wait to become parents. We're so excited to see His plan unfold!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-39441272230688257362014-06-08T19:11:00.000-05:002014-06-08T19:11:01.510-05:00Home Study Part 1 CompleteThis past Friday was our first part of the home study - the house visit. The whole thing went even better than we would have thought and was much more relaxed than expected.<br />
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Since The Chosen Agency is located in a different city, our caseworker, B, sent fellow caseworker, "I", who was traveling through our area to conduct the house visit. "I" was super nice and was very helpful in filling us in on what happens next. She did a walk-through of the house, and talked with us about certain safety measures, such as developing a fire escape plan, filing a will, gun safety, child-proofing, etc.<br />
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It was fun to talk and get to know her a little better, as well as getting a chance to share our story with her. She said their main job as a caseworker is to make sure that the potential adoptive parents are well-equipped and knowledgeable to adopt a child. It makes logical sense that they work with a lot of couples who struggled with infertility, so they want to make sure that the couple has dealt with their grief regarding infertility and are fully prepared to parent an adopted child because raising an adopted child is very different than raising a biological child. In other words, adoption isn't always the best fit for every family, and they want to make sure the adoptive parents are prepared for the unique considerations associated with adopting. They also want to make sure the home is a stable and healthy environment for the child (healthy marriage and other relationships).<br />
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We felt very encouraged afterwards because Michael and I have come full circle regarding adoption, and we feel confident that adopting a child is a great fit for growing our family.<br />
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So what next?<br /><br />
The second and final part of the home study process will take place on Friday, June 20th. We'll meet with B for about 4 hours and get interviewed individually and as a couple. The content will be much more personal and will focus on our feelings, personalities, parenting plans, family/friends, etc. I'm naturally a crier, so I'm sure I'll shed a few tears simply because this whole subject is very close to my heart. :)<br />
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After the second part is complete, we should hear back from B within a month (around July 20th) about whether or not Michael and I are officially approved by The Chosen Agency. If approved, that date will officially begin our waiting period to be chosen by a birth mother. (They told us the average wait time from that point on is about 15 months.) God knows exactly how this story will end, and we're excited to see His plan revealed!Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-89950165006993656222014-05-22T12:10:00.003-05:002014-05-22T12:10:35.454-05:00Burlap Sack BabyI must say, going through the adoption process is much more fun and exciting than I ever could have expected. (Nice one, God!)<br />
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Throughout this process, we have found ourselves daydreaming and picturing what life will be like once we finally have a baby in our home. Our only experiences so far come from Michael's nieces and friends who have visited or stayed at our house that bring their children.<br />
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We're learning a lot as we go through this process about what kind of parents we strive to be. I think that's been the most exciting part for me - talking and daydreaming with Michael about what daily life will look like in the possibly near future. We've talked about family traditions we want to start or continue, how to raise and discipline our children, how to best meet and care for their needs, and how we plan to handle the daily "chores" of caring for a baby (feeding, baths, diapers, etc.)<br />
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A joke that has emerged from these discussions is what we call the "Burlap Sack Baby". It's meant to describe the fact that we are odd (crazy leaf-eating hippies), but we know we're odd, and there's no way to hide the fact that we're odd from the Chosen Agency...and because we're odd, the Chosen Agency probably has a crazy, rambunctious little rascal in a burlap sack set aside in a back room waiting just for us (because the Burlap Sack Baby is too wild for anyone else).<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/burlap_potato_baby_zpse9286dd6.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo burlap_potato_baby_zpse9286dd6.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/burlap_potato_baby_zpse9286dd6.jpg" height="350" width="525" /></a><br />
Isn't this costume totally made JUST for us?! Potatoes...burlap sack...LOVE IT!!!<br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;">Courtesy of: <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/79883154/halloween-costume-sack-of-taters">https://www.etsy.com/listing/79883154/halloween-costume-sack-of-taters</a></span><br />
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We are really excited to be moving forward towards parenthood. The love and excitement that our family and friends have poured out on us is so very special to us. We are so thankful that each of you are walking this journey with us and share in our excitement!<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/2014-05-20163943_zpseda89e18.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 2014-05-20163943_zpseda89e18.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/2014-05-20163943_zpseda89e18.jpg" height="394" width="525" /></a><br />
Allen and Julie sent us this adorable gift. Burlap Sack Baby will not only get to eat vegetables, but can now PLAY with them! :)<br />
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We now have the two-part home study scheduled. The first part will take place on Friday, June 6th, where a social worker will visit our home to ensure it's a safe environment. At first I was nervous about this because I thought this meant we needed to have our house clean and spotless, but after reading online, I see that your house should look lived in - just put your guns in a gun safe and be prepared for fire safety.<br />
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The second part will be an office interview at the Chosen Agency's office on Friday, June 20th, where our caseworker, B, will interview us as a couple and individually. We specifically requested B as our caseworker because she led the breakout session at the information orientation we attended in February and we really clicked with her, so we're excited to be working with her from now on.<br />
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Thank you all for your continued prayers that God would lead this process and prepare us for parenthood! Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-72533501865222449872014-05-11T06:00:00.000-05:002014-05-11T06:00:01.024-05:00We Have Some News...We are NOT pregnant. Lord willing, He may someday allow us to conceive, but that day has not yet come.<br />
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I'd also like to wish all mothers a very Happy Mother's Day, including those who are still longing to become a mother. Mother's Day has been a day of sadness for me in recent years because it has served as a reminder that I am not yet a mother.<br />
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But today is different. Today, we have some wonderful news to share. News that we are very excited about on this Mother's Day:<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/IMG_8678-FINAL_zpsd2f6805d.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_8678-FINAL_zpsd2f6805d.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/IMG_8678-FINAL_zpsd2f6805d.jpg" height="350" width="525" /></a><br />
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In a <a href="http://hopefulinfertile.blogspot.com/2013/07/to-plan-or-not-to-plan.html">previous post</a>, I talked about how we decided to wait until December 2014 to begin researching adoption, unless the Lord moved us to act sooner or later than that date.<br />
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Well, I'm not the most patient waiter. (Shocking, I know)<br />
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In the fall, I started to research adoption a <strike>lot</strike> little and long story short, we both felt peace about moving forward with the adoption process.<br />
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We have decided on the agency we want to work with, and are in the middle of the application/home study portion of the process. Once approved, they tell us that the "wait time," on average, is 15 months. But averages are averages, so it could be less, and it could be more. We're trusting God with that timing since He always knows best.<br />
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If you'd like to hear the longer version of this story, please read on.<br />
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Our journey to this moment has been a mixture of so many things: emotion, heartache, hope, conviction, and beautiful transformations in our hearts. All praise and glory belongs to God!<br />
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<b>Why Do I Want to Adopt?</b><br />
If I'm honest, my heart started from a place of "Well, if I can't have a baby biologically, then I guess I will adopt a baby." But it's not as simple as that. <br />
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My former view of adoption was that it was a charitable act of kindness. I was definitely one of those people who used to think/say, "Oh that's nice...how great of you to do that [<i>rescue that child from certain doom</i>]."<br />
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When we first began struggling with infertility, the idea of adopting terrified me. At that time, giving into the idea of adoption would have meant defeat. It would have meant acknowledging my failure as a woman to procreate - surely the very thing I was put on this planet for, right? (I now know that is wrong.)<br />
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But God slowly changed both of our hearts.<br />
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Our best friends moved to the D/FW area. The wife's parents fostered and adopted three little girls. And yes, little girls. The age difference between my best friend (the youngest of their biological children) and the oldest of the three girls is about 20 years. We've known the wife's parents and these girls for several years now and have visited them somewhat regularly.<br />
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The girls used to be shy around us, but as they've seen us more and more, they actually know us by name and still ask about us.<br />
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One weekend early in our infertility journey, we visited our best friends who had recently found out they were expecting their first little boy. She had made plans to sky dive, but changed her mind because of her condition. So the husband decided to take her place and go sky diving. It was a big deal, and so the wife's parents and three little girls also came to cheer him on. <br />
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The three little girls loved to play with Michael. Michael would spin them, flip them, tickle them, and carry them on his shoulders and they just laughed it up and asked for more. It was precious to see that sight. We felt love towards those girls, and they weren't even close to being considered our children.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/IMG_3787_zps6cd7e0f1.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_3787_zps6cd7e0f1.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/IMG_3787_zps6cd7e0f1.jpg" height="750" width="500" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This was taken in June 2011, 6 months into our infertility journey.</div>
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On the drive home, we had our first conversation about adoption. The idea of adoption that used to scare us was not being able to love a child that didn't come from our bodies. We both were (and still are) a little squeamish around other people's children. Too often we have been given "the plague" by family and friends' little ones, so we tend to cringe and shy away from their oozing orifices. We used to think it would be the same if we adopted another person's child. (Just to clarify, we are not naive to think that our children will not have oozing orifices, we just don't care to encounter the oozing orifices of children that we are not raising.)<br />
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But this first conversation about adoption was driven by the Lord. He had stirred in both of our hearts - independently - that we could absolutely love another's child as we had felt love towards those three little girls who are not in our care. <br />
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We talked about how there is so much beauty and redemption in adoption. Those three little girls were each taken from three separate, broken situations. They are now together and being loved and parented by a couple who wants the best for them. They giggle and play and live as if there is no more brokenness in their lives.<br />
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Of course, I know that's not the reality. We all have brokenness. But it was the first time we saw that adoption was a wonderful and beautiful example of God's sacrifice for us. He gave His only "biological" Son for our sinful, horrible mankind. He not only gave His Son away, but gave Him away to a fate of torture and death. For me. For you. For us all.<br />
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Sometimes, a word as simple as "Wow" is all that can be thought of to express your feeling of something so profound.<br />
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Since that first conversation, we continued to hope and pray (and still do) that God would allow us to have biological children. Though our hearts had softened towards the idea of adoption, we had not yet felt the desire to adopt a child ourselves.<br />
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But more time passed. And passed. We went through the ups and downs most couples experience with infertility. Diagnostic tests. Frustration at no explanation for why we cannot conceive. Hopelessness. Renewed hope. More hopelessness. Yet more hope. Seeing friend after friend have one or more children. Feeling left behind and forgotten. The difficult decision to accept that you're only hearing silence and "wait" from the Lord. The difficulty of actually waiting! If you've kept up with this blog, you've probably ridden the roller coaster with me. (And I'm so thankful for you!)<br />
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Small events fostered more and more discussions about adoption. We met friends who have adopted children and loved hearing their stories. We watched a couple movies, like The Odd Life of Timothy Green and October Baby. October Baby especially moved our hearts toward adoption. Sorry to spoil some of the plot, but the idea that the main character, Hannah, learns that her life was almost ended as a baby by abortion, but God protected her, and brought her to a loving adoptive family, just melted our hearts completely. In the movie, Hannah searches for her birth mother. Eventually she learns that it doesn't matter where she physically originated...all that matters is that she is loved. Loved and wanted by her adoptive family. And loved and wanted by the Almighty God. That her life mattered. That <i>all</i> life matters.<br />
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We soon felt the conviction that we both desired to adopt a child someday. But I'll stress the "someday" part. We were still hoping that we could have biological children first, and adopt later. I'm guessing that this idea is pretty common for couples struggling with infertility. I think it partly goes back to my earlier mindset of "Well, if I can't have a baby biologically, then I guess I'll adopt a baby."<br />
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But in the fall, we felt conviction that we were wrong to rank order our children like that. It's not about having "real" children first (biological) and then having "other" children later (adoption). We just desire to have...children! We desire to become parents and to build a legacy as a family. Thankfully the Lord helped us sort that out.<br />
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But even though our hearts were open to adopting a child whenever He willed, we did not yet feel Him moving us to take action (I'll come back to this shortly, about how we decided to begin the process of adoption).<br />
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So as you can see, our hearts have changed so drastically from where they began. We saw the beautiful example of God's sacrifice for us through the idea of adoption.<br />
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If I had a son, I could not stand the idea of giving him away. Perhaps it's because I want a child so badly, that if I finally had one, I would cling to him/her all the more.<br />
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The idea that a young woman who finds out she is unexpectedly pregnant would still have the courage to give her child to someone else to raise and care for....it's unimaginable to me. Unthinkable. But like God the Father, she would be giving a huge sacrifice for the sake of someone else. For the sake of a childless couple, like us, who desperately wants a child to call our own.<br />
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<i>That's really at the heart of why I want to adopt: I want a baby to call my own.</i> I know that's not reality. I've learned that any child I have, either biologically or through adoption, will never truly be <i>mine</i>. He/she will be the Lord's, and I will simply be the steward in charge of nourishing, caring, loving, teaching, and raising said child. But that's what I want. That's the desire of my heart. To finally be able to fulfill that role. I've been longing for a child to call my own for 3 1/2 years. 3 1/2 long years of waiting, hoping, praying, and longing.<br />
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My heart went from only wanting a child that came from my body to knowing that I could love a child placed in my care even if he/she did not come from my body.<br />
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The flipside to adoption is not only the birth mother's God-like sacrifice of giving up her child to another, but also the redemption that we, as the adoptive parents, would feel. When a person accepts the free gift of grace extended by God - all based on that sacrifice of His Son - that person is redeemed and adopted into His kingdom and called a child of God. He adopts <i>us</i> as <i>His</i> children! So us adopting a child from someone else would likely cause us to feel the heaviness of that birth mother's sacrifice, but also be in awe of the redemption that child will bring to <i>our</i> lives. We are loved so much by Our Father, that He would orchestrate the circumstances to bring this little life into our care and home. He would trust us enough to love and raise this child as our own.<br />
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<b>Romans 8:14-17</b><br />
<i>14 For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!" 16 The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.</i><br />
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<b>Galatians 3:26-28</b><br />
<i>26 For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.</i><br />
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<b>Ephesians 1:3-8</b><br />
<i>3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him. In love 5 He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. 7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace 8 which He lavished on us.</i><br />
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<b>1 John 3:1-3</b><br />
<i>1 See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. 2 Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. 3 And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.</i><br />
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I find it remarkable how much the Lord has transformed our hearts. He
has taken us both from being lukewarm about having our <i>own</i> biological
children, to having the desire to love any child that could be called
our own, even if that child did not come from our physical bodies.<br />
<br />
Adoption
is not about rescuing a child in need from certain doom. It's about
expressing the kind of Christ-like love towards another life, and being
redeemed by that same Christ-like love in the process. In short,
adoption is a very odd mix of both parties being rescued from certain
doom. Both parties living and experiencing the kind of redemption that
can only come from God.<br />
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"Wow."<br />
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<b>How We Decided to Begin the Adoption Process</b><br />
Once we felt peace about adopting a child whenever the Lord called us to, I began my research into the process. There are so many options, that it can be overwhelming at first. And not every option would work for everyone. Just a brief, but not exhaustive, list of options includes: domestic, international, open, semi-open, closed (rare these days), foster-to-adopt, infant adoption, special needs, inter-racial, and varying ages. <br />
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So part of our initial research was being honest with ourselves about what we think we can and cannot handle. What we felt peace about and what we did not.<br />
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We have a strong desire to raise a newborn. As newly born as possible. Those that know us, know that we are quite different from the norm. We have very different views about child rearing, diet, and lifestyle. So we desire to raise our children - biological or adopted - according to our beliefs. Part of that begins as a newborn. We desire to breastfeed our children instead of giving formula, preferably my breast milk if we can make that happen or bumming breast milk from friends (sorry in advance if you get a creepy email from me asking you for your breast milk - it's for a good cause). I'm sure this topic will one day be a blog post on its own. :)<br />
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We also desire to adopt a child of the same ethnicity as our own. That's not to say that we would not be open to adopting inter-racially if God moves us, but at this time, our desire is to adopt a child that could somehow resemble us. Knowing my tendency to make snappy comments when people act insensitively to me, I would not invite a situation where our child would be constantly labeled as adopted while out in public. Here are a couple videos of what I'm talking about:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/92651492" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br />
<a href="http://vimeo.com/92651492">IF YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT ABOUT A BOOB JOB...</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/raincitychurch">Rain City Church</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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Nowadays, open or semi-open adoptions are the most common. The difference is mainly that semi-open still retains some level of privacy between birth parents and adoptive parents, whereas open adoptions encourage an active, continual relationship with the birth parents throughout the child's life. Each adoption situation looks different, and can depend heavily on which agency you choose to work with. We feel most comfortable retaining some level of privacy, leaning more towards semi-open than open.<br />
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<b>Searching for the Right Agency to Work With</b><br />
Once we discussed what we were and were not comfortable with, we started looking into potential agencies to work with. The first agency we looked into was located out of town, which I'll nickname the Big City Agency. We liked the idea of working with an out-of-town agency in order to avoid the awkwardness of possibly running into the birth parents at the grocery store or something. If the birth parents lived in a different city, the chances of that happening would be greatly reduced.<br />
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So we read the information packet about adopting through the Big City Agency. But we did not feel at peace in the least. Quite honestly, the tone, rules, and requirements were written in such a way that it made us feel like the Big City Agency is only on the side of the birth parents. They are an open adoption agency, but to an extreme in my opinion.<br />
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They require that one parent commit to being a stay-at-home parent full-time until the child turns 18. While I desire to be a stay-at-home mom for at least half the time, we do not feel comfortable with an agency dictating to us about whether we can or cannot work for the life of the child.<br />
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They also require that the adoptive parents use one name that the birth parents give the newborn. Now, that's certainly respectable - they explain their reason for this rule is the importance of a name. We agree completely. <i>That's why <u>we</u> want to be in charge of naming our own children</i>. Our childrens' names are very important to us. We've had <a href="http://hopefulinfertile.blogspot.com/2012/05/my-sweet-david.html">at least two names in mind</a> for 9 years now.<br />
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And finally, the Big City Agency requires that the adoptive parents send lots of pictures, letters, and updates <u>each month</u> to the birth parents for the first 6 months and then <u>twice a year</u> until age 18. The adoptive parents would also have to agree to <u>meet with the birth parents</u> (with the child present) when the child is 6 or 7 months old, and then meet <u>2-3 times per year until the child is 18</u>. Furthermore, the adoptive parents would have to agree to give the child whatever the birth parents send to the child throughout the year. Now, again, this is admirable that the Big City Agency seeks to promote such an open adoption situation. But that does not work for all families. And that does not work for our family. Though we will have tremendous respect for the birth parents and their sacrificial choice, we do not want to be obligated to visit with the birth parents for the child's life. We plan to tell our child that he/she is adopted and allow him/her to decide if and when he/she wants to meet the birth parents. We do not want to force those meetings if the child is not comfortable. And again, because we are quite different from the norm in terms of diet and lifestyle, it would be very awkward to feel obligated to give our child whatever the birth mother sends (i.e. the butter-filled cupcakes or the Miley Cyrus music album...cultural and dietary things we do not agree with).<br />
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<i>In short, we desire to raise our children.</i> Whether our children are adopted or come from our bodies, we desire to raise them according to our beliefs, and are not ashamed for dogmatically holding that view.<br />
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So to say the least, we did not have any peace about adopting through the Big City Agency.<br />
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Our next consideration was the Local Agency (my nickname for it). With the Local Agency, there is the potential for the awkward encounter at the store. But we liked what we read in their information packet. They too are an open adoption agency, but are much less "strict" than the Big City Agency, which is a wonderful attribute in our minds. Furthermore, the tone of the information packet was written in a way that made us feel like the Local Agency is on both parties' sides. Like they want what is best for everyone.<br />
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They <u>request</u> that one parent commit to staying at home full-time, but if that is not possible, to agree to not work more than 20 hours per week <u>outside of the home</u> (potentially allowing one parent to work full-time, where half of the time the parent works inside the home). This fit much better with us.<br />
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The Local Agency does not mention anything about using the name the birth parents give the child, and besides meeting with the birth mother during her pregnancy, there is no requirement to meet with the birth parents again. That allows each adoptive family and birth mother to decide how much contact they desire to have, which is how I think it should be. The Local Agency requires the adoptive parents to send updates during the first 6 months, but the updates are intended for the agency's review. And once the adoption is finalized, that's it, there are no more requirements about maintaining contact.<br />
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After we both read the information packet, we felt peace about inquiring more about this agency. But as it turns out, because this agency is local, they have a long waiting list of adoptive families, and only adopt about 8-10 babies per year, meaning that we could potentially have another 2-3 years before becoming parents. Furthermore, the Local Agency was not accepting new adoptive families because they already have so many waiting that have been through the approval process. We felt discouraged by this, but decided to put our names on the contact list in case they began accepting new families.<br />
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<b>Finding THE Agency</b><br />
In the meantime, we re-watched the TV show "Friends." Leave it to God to use Hollywood to move His children to action. For those unfamiliar with the show, two of the main characters, Chandler and Monica, find themselves unable to have biological children. So they decided to adopt, and ended up being matched with a birth mother in Ohio. We had a silly epiphany moment while watching this show that, "Hey, Chandler and Monica live in New York, but they were matched with someone in another state. Maybe we should look at a bigger agency that has access to birth mothers around the U.S., not just in Texas."<br />
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This reminded me of an agency (from now on I'll refer to it as the Chosen Agency) I had gotten information about during my initial search, but passed on because of the apparent higher costs. The Chosen Agency was one that some friends had also looked into and during one of our phone conversations, the wife spoke very highly of this agency because they have separate case workers for the adoptive parents and birth parents. This made a lot of sense to me because it's like having two realtors when a home is for sale: it doesn't make sense to have one realtor representing both the buyer and the seller - there is an inherent divided interest.<br />
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So I requested more information from the Chosen Agency. The more we read, the more at peace we felt. They have no restrictions on parents working vs. staying home, allowing the parents to decide how to raise their family. They help adoptive parents connect with birth mothers around the U.S. They place approximately 350 babies per year. By working with our own case worker, we would only be matched with a birth mother who wants the same level of openness as we do (semi-open).<br />
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We submitted an information sheet requesting to move forward with the Chosen Agency. They approved us, and invited us to attend a pre-adoption orientation on February 21st. It was a little bit of information overload (the orientation was an all-day event), but it was SO helpful and reassuring.<br />
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The first part of the morning was spent in a small group with one of the adoptive parent case workers. She walked us through the details of the whole adoption process, and allowed us to ask questions and look at examples of life books (photo books that are shown to potential birth mothers). The afternoon included a tour of their facility (they house birth mothers who have no other living arrangements), information about adoption tax credits, using the internet to build a profile for potential birth mothers (for those who are not in the same city as the Chosen Agency to look at the physical life books), the legal aspects of adopting through their agency, and a very helpful panel of adoptive parents and birth mothers.<br />
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My biggest takeaway from this orientation was that a birth mother is looking for a family to place her child with. Her biggest fear is that an adoptive family won't like her, or will judge her. And we felt encouraged to be ourselves (as crazy and leaf-eating hippie-like as we are in reality), because they want to know about the day-to-day aspects, as well as the future dreams, of the family they place their child with.<br />
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At the end of this orientation, we had the option of purchasing the full application forms to move forward with their agency (which we did). By submitting the main application form within one month of the orientation, we got a small discount on the total program fee. We have already submitted all of our application materials (medical forms, background checks, references, etc.) for the agency to review. Once approved, they will schedule and conduct the home study. Then we'll build our life books and profiles and we'll be officially waiting for a birth mother to choose us.<br />
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The Lord will have to be in complete control of this entire process, and we are faithfully stepping forward, waiting for Him to provide a child according to His plan.<br />
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I can't describe how excited I am. For the past 3 1/2 years, we've been what I call passively waiting. Praise be to God, that time of passively waiting was not fruitless. It was definitely required to teach us, mold us, and transform our hearts as I've described.<br />
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But now we're getting to move forward one step at a time. We're moving closer to becoming parents. It feels so wonderful, like we're expecting! Thank you, Lord, so much, for leading us through this journey. We're so excited to see what His plan is.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-78406675013026011472014-04-22T15:12:00.000-05:002014-04-22T15:12:51.302-05:00DuoFertilityA couple of months ago, we decided to try using <a href="http://www.duofertility.com/">DuoFertility</a> to aid with conception. From what I can tell, not many people know that this product even exists, so I wanted to share my opinions about it so that you can decide for yourself if you think it's worth trying.<br />
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What is it?<br />
It's essentially a fertility monitor that you wear on your body, and the purchase of the product includes the company's fertility experts who will monitor your cycle for you each month and give you a predicted window of fertility.<br />
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How does it work?<br />
You wear a quarter-sized sensor just below your armpit that monitors your temperature 24/7 (or as long as you choose to wear it). You also have a handheld device that you upload the sensor's data to everyday. On the handheld device, you can also input various things like intercourse, menstruation, ovulation pains, cervical mucus, etc. You then connect the handheld device to your computer via USB and open the DuoFertility software to view your cycle's chart. The company reviews your temperature and other data, and gives you a predicted window of fertility (we call them our "green days") that should maximize your chances of conception. They tell you your predicted green days up to 6 days in advance, so you can plan your intimacy ahead of time if need be. Here's an example of what a chart looks like (this is from the instruction manual, not my personal chart):<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/chartexample_zps62d7c052.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo chartexample_zps62d7c052.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/chartexample_zps62d7c052.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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How is it different than taking your own temperature?<br />
Rather than having to remember to take your own temperature every morning...first thing before sitting up...after at least 4 hours of sleep...with only a BBT (basal body temperature) thermometer...phew, as you can tell, DuoFertility takes away the hassle of doing all of that. Since it's monitoring your temperature each day, it can determine the lowest body temperature while you sleep, so you don't have to think or worry about it.<br />
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How much did it cost?<br />
They offer a few different packages: Lite, Premium, and Deluxe. I purchased the Premium package because I felt it was the best value (one-time purchase of $795).<br />
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What do you like about it?<br />
As a recovering tempaholic, I love how DuoFertility does all the work for me. I also love the organization of the software and chart. I formerly kept track of all of those things in my own lame-o Excel file, but it's much nicer to have it displayed on their software. You can also save and download your charts to take to your doctor if you want to. I also love the customer service. They have always answered my questions in a timely manner, and there was so much more included in the purchase price than I originally thought (such as additional adhesives, LH strips, fertility expert access). Furthermore, there was one cycle that I ovulated much later than the predicted green days, and the customer service folks emailed me to tell me that so we would continue having regular intercourse - as if we needed a reason ;)<br />
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What do you dislike about it?<br />
The only thing that's slightly awkward is that you wear the sensor on your body the whole time. Usually though, I forget that it's there. They say that it's waterproof and can be worn in the shower, but I noticed that the adhesive stopped sticking as well, so I choose to remove it before I shower, and replace the adhesive afterwards. I also sometimes choose to remove it while I workout because I don't want it to bother me. I also sometimes (but not usually) feel it when laying down to sleep.<br />
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Would you recommend it?<br />
Absolutely. If you are someone who has been trying for a few months or a couple years, I personally think this is worth trying, especially before beginning any kind of fertility treatment. Even IUI can cost more than $800, and that usually involves dosing yourself with all kinds of hormones and such. My opinion is why not try DuoFertility for 6 months if that could mean avoiding those invasive procedures and high costs?<br />
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What's your takeaway?<br />I am the type of person who likes to know what's going on with my body, but doesn't want to pursue medical intervention. We also want to faithfully do our part each month to be open to God's plan of possible conception. My belief still stands firm that God and only God can create a life. I do not think DuoFertility is the answer to all infertility struggles and is not something you should place your faith in. I believe that if God wants to, he can bless our efforts of monitoring my body and the natural signals it gives off related to fertility. But I also know that no matter what the outcome is, God is good, He has a beautiful road to parenthood planned specifically for us, and I look forward to the day that I become a mother.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-34879689183995412832014-02-26T11:31:00.001-06:002014-02-26T11:31:39.476-06:00Wish There Was a Button for ThatFirst, let me apologize for my lengthy break in blogging. Work picked up for me, which meant I had much less free time to blog. But I hope to get back to blogging more regularly, so cross your fingers.<br />
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Life is full of joy, but also challenges. For those that experience the suffering of infertility, you can find yourself riding a roller coaster of emotions over a period of several years. My journey being no exception, I have had moments of solid trust and faith that God is in control and I'm 100% okay with that, and then seemingly the very next day will have a moment of complete despair and hopelessness.<br />
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Doubting is a part of life, as much as anything else (joy/bitterness, happiness/sadness, dancing/mourning). To be human, is to be filled with doubts. In those moments of despair and heavy doubts, I often wish I could simply escape it.<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/2013-08-08160432_zps858154a7.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo 2013-08-08160432_zps858154a7.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/2013-08-08160432_zps858154a7.jpg" /></a></div>
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We have this button at work. Once the building is locked after work
hours, you have to press this button in order to open the door.<br />
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In those moments of doubt and despair, I wish there was this sort of button for my life. With a simple push of a button, I could escape the pain and suffering of waiting for an unknown period of time for a child. It would be so much easier if I had a button like this to push in times of despair. It would be so easy to skip over this difficult part of my life.<br />
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But I think that's God's point of this, and any, trial. <i><b>He doesn't want me to skip over this difficult part of my life.</b></i><br />
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He wants to share in this suffering with me. He wants to hold me and comfort me and listen to my every cry and catch my every tear. He wants to teach me what it means to persevere. He wants to teach me what it means to have unfailing faith, even when it makes logical sense to give it up. He wants to write a beautiful story leading us to parenthood, and to the specific children He has chosen for us, but He needs me to learn that time and events must fall into proper place for that story to unfold.<br />
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So it may be easy to have a button like this for your life when it gets tough, but skipping over the hard parts of life will not help you in the long run. You will miss out on so many character-building, faith-building, and relationship-building moments if you do. And trust me, those moments are worth experiencing.<br />
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I'm saying this as much to myself as I am to you, but try not to skip over the difficult parts of life. Instead look for God in those moments. Look for the ways that God is working, or the ways that He has blessed you. Sometimes you have to look really, <i>really</i>, <b><i>really</i></b> closely, but it is <b><i>always</i></b> there, somewhere. <br />
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<b>Romans 8:28</b><br />
<i>And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.</i>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-83405273179516161612013-08-19T11:04:00.001-05:002013-08-19T11:04:42.757-05:00Even Though Now For A Little While<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/universe_zpsb153c445.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo universe_zpsb153c445.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/universe_zpsb153c445.jpg" height="412" width="500" /> </a></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://www.cristianecardoso.com/en/2013/05/06/and-my-eyes-opened-one-more-time/">photo credit</a></span> </div>
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<b>1 Peter 1:3-9</b><br />
<i>3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, 7 so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 8 and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.</i><br />
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I love this passage for several reasons. First, when I accepted Christ, I became a new person once and for all eternity. That means sin is no longer my master. When I mess up, fail, give into temptations…I’m forgiven because Christ stands before me, protecting me from the fate I deserve, and gives me a pass to be with Him for all eternity. Such grace. Such humbling, beautiful grace. Truly an undeserved favor. <br />
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Second, Peter says we have <i>a living hope</i>. This comforts me so much when I struggle with anxious thoughts of the unknown future of infertility. My hope is not in vain. It is alive because Christ lives in me. But like a living being, that hope must be nourished and properly cared for, otherwise it might shrink into a state of dis-health. When I allow depression and the enemy to dominate my thought life, my living hope is injured and sickly. I need to nourish it with food and water in the form of choosing hope over hopelessness. By spending time with my Father and His Word instead of dwelling on my own thoughts, fears, and worries. <br />
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Third, I’m <i>protected by the power of God</i>. That’s so huge and important to remember! When fears and worries begin to overtake me…when the enemy is whispering lies of shame in my ear, my God is ready and available to protect me. I need to turn to Him in those moments of weakness. He <i>wants</i> me to turn to Him in moments of weakness. <br />
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Fourth, Peter says that the various trials the people are being distressed by are <i>for a little while</i>. It is so incredibly easy to feel overwhelmed by infertility and to feel like I’m trapped in this chapter of life. Like it will last forever, I’ll never become a mother, woe to me. But that’s not true. Like any trial, it has been, is, and will always be temporary. A season. A chapter. It must have a beginning (December 2010) and therefore MUST have an END! For a little while. The “little while” may feel like an eternity to my earthly-bound state, but to God, it’s but a blip in the grand timeline He’s orchestrated. I just need to trust Him and do everything I can to be patient for His timing.<br />
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Fifth, Peter says that the purpose of our trials is to demonstrate <i>the proof of your faith</i>. He says trials should <i>result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ</i>. This relates to how I am called to respond in the midst of suffering and trials. The purpose of my suffering is to show the greatness of God, not the vastness of my self-pity. I am called to respond with hope and joy when it’s illogical to other people. When the world says it’s time to give up, there’s no chance, etc…I should remain hopeful and joyful. Even when I’m hurting, God is still worthy of my praise. And I truly do have so much to praise Him for!<br />
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I love how verse 9 ends with <i>you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible</i>. Not just a little joy, but inexpressible joy. Greatly rejoice. So much joy you cannot describe with words how much! That’s a lot of joy, and if I truly focus on all that God has blessed me with – even while facing the pain and suffering of a trial – I find it easy to have joy. My eyes see that I am so richly blessed already. <i>Even though now for a little while</i> I am hurting. Be joyful. Inexpressibly joyful.
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-3542876635146561952013-08-14T09:11:00.000-05:002013-08-14T09:11:51.086-05:00The Three C'sWhen you face a trial, a natural tendency is to blame yourself or feel guilty for getting yourself into the trial. With infertility, it's common to think thoughts like:<br />
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If I hadn't taken birth control pills for all those years, would I still have difficulty conceiving?<br />
What did I do wrong to deserve this pain and suffering?<br />
What more could I have done this past month to better track my cycle or time intercourse?<br />
Why can't I do what so many other women are able to do with seemingly no effort?<br />
What's wrong with me?<br />
Why am I broken?<br />
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I could go on listing similar questions, but hopefully you get the idea. It's common to worry and dwell on thoughts like that.<br />
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But let's get one thing straight: infertility is NOT your fault.<br />
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You must accept the fact that there will always be certain aspects of life that are out of your control. And infertility is simply one of those things you can't control, so don't blame yourself for it.<br />
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Life is made up of choices, consequences, and circumstances. The three C's.<br />
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<b>Choices</b><br />
You have the freedom to make certain choices in life. With infertility, you can choose how much or how little you want to track your cycles, pursue medical intervention, be available for intercourse (but you only have control over your half of that equation; your husband has control over his half and you have to accept that it takes two to tango). This is the only thing you have control over, so I encourage you to pray for wisdom as you take time to decide on choices in your life.<br />
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<b>Consequences</b><br />
You have control over the choices you make. You do not have control over some of the consequences of your choices. Your choices will naturally lead to consequences. Tracking your cycles excessively may result in feelings of empowerment, knowing how your body is behaving...but it may also bring added stress because you're focused on your cycle day in and day out. Pursuing medical interventions will certainly have consequences on your body, your health, your future health (increased risk of cancer, for example), your relationships, and schedule. Ask any woman who has been through IVF procedures, and she will tell you how involved and expensive the process is. Likewise, not pursuing medical interventions may lead to feelings of fear, like "What if I'm not doing everything I could be doing to get pregnant?" As I previously mentioned, you have to make certain choices about what you are or are not okay with, and then be okay with the consequences of those choices. All choices have consequences, good or bad. Since consequences are a direct result of your choices, this should motivate you to pursue God before you make a choice, asking Him for wisdom and guidance. Once you've made your choice, you are at the mercy of consequences that are out of your control.<br />
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<b>Circumstances</b><br />
You do not have control over your circumstances, and unlike consequences, circumstances are not a direct result of your choices. Circumstances are independent of your choices. You can choose to save up for a house, mortgage a small portion of it, and purchase home insurance, but you cannot control a tornado destroying your house and having to start over with a few belongings and the insurance money. You can make wise choices that hopefully result in good consequences, but your circumstances may affect your life dramatically without any input from you. The death of a loved one, natural disasters, etc. With infertility, you cannot control your circumstances like a close friend announcing her pregnancy, or you miscarrying your baby. You can choose everything wisely, and you can prepare and hope for good consequences to your choices, but your circumstances are independent and unpredictable.<br />
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So once you've accepted how much and how little control you have over aspects of your life, how do you deal with the things you can't control? Allow Paul to share some of his wisdom with you.<br />
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<b>Philippians 4:11-12</b><br />
<i>11 Not that I speak from want, <u>for I have learned to be content in whatever <b>circumstances</b> I am</u>. 12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; <u>in any and every <b>circumstance</b> I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need</u>.</i><br />
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This is the key to maintaining a heart of hope and joy in the midst of trials and suffering. God will grant you wisdom to make wise choices if You ask Him. The consequences to your choices or simply the uncontrollable will lead to your life's circumstances. God asks us all to be content no matter what our circumstances are. Whether your circumstances are good or bad, happy or sad, full or empty, bright or dark...be content. There is ALWAYS at least one thing you have to be thankful for. So dwell on that. Praise God for that one thing (and the many things). Be content.<br />
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Better still, LEARN to be content. Paul admits that contentment is something to be learned. When you learn something, you usually have to study it, ponder it, repeat it, and practice it. Do the same with contentment. Choose contentment, and your consequences will follow a heart of contentment. Choosing contentment will strengthen your heart for whatever circumstances come your way.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-18903926277823016342013-08-01T10:49:00.000-05:002013-08-01T10:49:02.571-05:00When God Says "No"I'm copying and pasting today's devotional from Sarah's Laughter because I found it very encouraging and I hope that you do as well. Stay hopeful, my friends!<br />
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When God Says "No"</h1>
<span class="aBn" data-term="goog_23011017" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ">August 1, 2013</span></span></td>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When you
face a crisis in your life such as infertility, you must come face to
face with your true belief about God. Is He who He says He is? Can
He--will He--do what He says He will do? In times of crisis, we must
grapple with the fact that we are called on to trust the God who
sometimes says “No”.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">When
infertility enters your life, a lot of things can happen. Some people
turn to doctors. Others decide to trust God to allow conception to
happen naturally. Some people tell everyone they know so they can
garner support, and some choose to keep their situation very private.
Emotions go haywire and decisions must be made, but one thing is usually
constant when infertility invades the home of a Christian couple: we
pray. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We ask
God to reverse the barrenness we carry. We cry out for healing of
endometriosis or polycystic ovaries. We promise Him that we will be
good mothers, that we will not only take these much-desired children to <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_23011018" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ">Sunday</span></span>
School, but we’ll teach the class as well. We beg and plead with Him
to end our struggle with infertility and give us the baby that only He
can provide. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">But sometimes--at least for a time--God says “No”.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">What does
it mean when God says “no”? It feels like He has abandoned us or that
He is somehow unaware of how badly we want a baby. Maybe He thinks I
wouldn’t be a good mother, so He withholds from me the blessing of my
womb. It would be so much easier if God was unable to give me a baby!
Then I could imagine Him saying “Oh child! I wish I could grant this
desire. I want to place life in your womb so badly, but I just can’t. I
would if I could, but I cannot.” Then it would feel like He was a
partner in this struggle with me, rather than a holy being that I must
convince of my desire and commitment to being a good mother. How do I
serve this God who says “no”?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">If your
heart is hurting today, and you are struggling with how God must feel
toward you and your infertility, let’s turn together to the Word, and
examine another who heard God say “no”. Perhaps you’ll understand a
little better how He loves you. Mark <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_23011019" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ">14:35</span></span>-36 says this:</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that </i><b><i>if possible</i></b><i>, the hour might pass Him by.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>And He was saying, “Abba! Father! </i><b><i>Everything is possible for You</i></b><i>; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">This
emotional passage of Scripture lets us in on the intimate exchange
between God the Father and Jesus the Son, in the hours leading up to the
excruciating execution of Jesus. He is praying in the Garden of
Gethsemane and you can hear His anguish dripping from every word. He
cries out to His “Abba Father”--the literal translation is like us
crying to our “Daddy”. Can’t you hear Him? </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i>“Daddy,
please! Please, Daddy! Please let this cup--let Calvary pass from
me! If it’s possible, Daddy, please! It’s going to hurt! The weight
of sin will be crushing! Oh Daddy, please, if it’s possible, make
another way!” </i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Didn’t Jesus know whether or not it was possible, or whether or not God could make another way? Of course He did. Read on...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b><i>Everything is possible for You</i></b><i>; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will but what You will.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">God the
Father, heard the anguished cries of His only begotten Son, begging Him
to let the cup of Calvary pass from Him and God said “no”.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Why did
God say “no”? He had a greater plan. If He had allowed Jesus to
by-pass Calvary, infertility would be the least of your worries. Your
eternity would be a terrifying reality. God, in His infinite wisdom and
mercy, told Jesus “no”.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Did God
love Jesus that day? Absolutely. Did His heart break to tell His
hurting Child “no”? Without a doubt. He does the same for you.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">You’ve
begged God to let this be the month you conceive. God says “no”.
You’ve asked Him to let you avoid medical treatment, but you pick up the
phone to make the appointment because God said “no”. Others have
babies so easily, yet your family is formed through tears and years.
Hard to understand? Unquestionable. But God has a greater plan. Will
He always say “no”? Of course not. He has marvelous works in store for
you. He just knows that for a time, He must say “no” to allow the
greater plan to unfold, and He weeps with you as your tears fall. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Trust the
God who sometimes says “no”. His plan for you is unimaginable. His
mercy for you is inexhaustible. And just as He loved His only begotten
Son, He loves you enough to sometimes say “no”.</span></span></div>
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Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-78933723976441019192013-07-16T10:34:00.000-05:002013-08-29T10:21:29.345-05:00To Plan or Not to Plan?<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Alaskan%20Cruise/Day%204%20-%20Skagway/IMG_8090_zps0964fcd5.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo IMG_8090_zps0964fcd5.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Alaskan%20Cruise/Day%204%20-%20Skagway/IMG_8090_zps0964fcd5.jpg" height="300" width="450" /></a></div>
<br />
I've always been a planner. Whether or not I actually carry through with a plan, I have always been one to make plans. I feel scattered and lost without at least having a plan for many aspects of my life. In other words, it comforts me to know what's <i>supposed</i> to happen. For example, even something as simple as running a few errands compels me to formulate a plan. I list out all the locations I want to go to and then write numbers next to each location to tell me what order I should go to each one to maximize the efficiency of my driving route.<br />
<br />
If I'm that crazy with errands, you can imagine how much I planned for big decisions in my life. When we married over 6 years ago, our plan was to enjoy the first few years together "just us." We were both wanting to finish school and a baby was simply not in the plan. Birth control pills were the method of contraception we chose. It was the method with the highest probability of preventing conception - the method that was most likely to keep us on the path of our child-free plan. I've always been meticulous and responsible, so it was no trouble for me to take the pill at the same time every day without missing one.<br />
<br />
I took the pill for the first 2 years of marriage, but experienced negative side effects (depression, low libido, nausea, etc.) that made us decide to change our plan. We switched contraception methods to a less certain one - condoms - in 2009. Still sticking with our child-free plan, we knew there was a higher chance that we might get pregnant using condoms than taking the pill, but we decided that was best for us overall.<br />
<br />
It's not that I didn't like or want kids at all. They were definitely part of the plan in the future, but not yet. And if I'm honest, I wasn't starstruck about kids. Sure, they could be cute. But they could also be completely and utterly gross. Sticky. Smelly. Slobbery. Worse behaved than my dogs. I was very timid around kids, and had no desire to hold other people's kids. But I figured I would love my own kids someday, hence why they were in my plan. Plus, the way I felt about kids at that time was more like "you're supposed to have kids" not "I want to have kids." (Michael shared my same mindset.) As you can see, God had some work to do in our hearts. <br />
<br />
About a year later, I experienced a very late period. I was so scared that I went to the doctor to have my blood tested for pregnancy. I don't know why, but I didn't think about taking a home pregnancy test first. (I think God knew what events needed to take place, so maybe that's why the thought never entered my mind.) We were both very nervous about possibly being pregnant. What would we do?! This is much earlier than we'd planned for. Could we afford to have a baby now? Are we mature enough to raise a child? The what-ifs were endless. I received a phone call from my doctor's office with the test results.<br />
<br />
"Your pregnancy test came back negative."<br />
<br />
My heart sank. I felt...disappointed. Disappointed?<br />
<br />
I couldn't believe that was my response to the test result. Not being pregnant was in line with our plan, so why would I feel sad by the test result? It made no sense to me. But now I know that it was clearly God working and moving in the depths of my heart, stirring a deep rooted desire to be a mother. Metaphorically, he awoke a sleeping giant.<br />
<br />
Since that day, my desire to be a mother has only grown. And so from that day forward, my plans changed. I wanted to be a mother as soon as possible.<br />
<br />
At first it was I alone that held this desire. Michael was not yet ready to even consider trying to conceive a baby. I still have my old prayer journals full of prayer after prayer that God would work in Michael's heart, help him to be open to becoming a father and gain that desire for himself. I tried to talk about my desires with Michael so that he would be fully aware of how I felt. I was ecstatic when he finally relented in December 2010 and agreed that we could begin trying to conceive.<br />
<br />
So I made my new plan in that moment: get pregnant right away and announce it Christmas morning to our families. It would have been magical. There would have been tears and hugs and tons of excitement.<br />
<br />
But it would not have been right, because it was my plan and not God's.<br />
<br />
Since entering the realm of infertility, God has moved mountains of stubbornness in my heart. Mountains so large and deeply entrenched that I never thought they could be moved. But He is God after all. Most powerful, yet most gentle. Unwavering in His plans.<br />
<br />
He taught me that it's okay to make plans, but only if I remain open to His plan above all else. That's the hard part to apply in life.<br />
<br />
When you struggle with infertility, there are so many overwhelming decisions to make. What tests and procedures to try, when, with what doctor, how much are you willing to pay, when do you decide to move on to the next step, etc.<br />
<br />
Planners like me can be very tempted to make plan after plan and keep trying to force their plan into existence. But at some point, you must stop. You must yield to the unyielding God. You must let him move your mountain of stubbornness where He pleases (which is out of your heart). You must trust that He has a plan, that it includes you, and that His plan will truly be the best one. And then the hardest part, you must decide to choose to follow His plan instead of your own.<br />
<br />
I continue to struggle with this, but I recognize and am thankful for how far I've come in this struggle. I know how stubborn I used to be, how hard I fought to keep my plan in place.<br />
<br />
But I reached a point where I finally relented and decided to let go of keeping my plans in first place. My desires to be a mother have not changed. My desires to conceive a biological child have not changed. But pretty much every other part of my heart has been forever changed.<br />
<br />
I no longer look at kids as just part of the plan. I no longer view adoption as a charitable act of kindness. I know better than to pry into other couples' family planning ("So...when will you guys have kids?"). I know that if I do end up conceiving a biological child, that child is never going to truly be mine, but the Lord's. I know that whomever ends up being my child, it is the purest form of a blessing from God, and I should be grateful day in and day out at having the honor of such an important role as a mother.<br />
<br />
Most importantly, I know that all of this pain and heartache is ultimately meant to bring glory to God and all His goodness. He has been so faithful and gentle in dealing with this stubborn planner in yours truly. He took a girl who was lukewarm about kids and transformed her into a woman longing for children of her own yet seeking God's will even if it does not line up with her plans and desires. He took a boy who had superficial and unrealistic views about children and molded him into a man with a deep heart's desire to be a father and to teach his children about the glory of the Lord. He took a marriage that likely would not have survived had we conceived according to my plans, and transformed it into a lasting and beautiful expression of grace. He made us partners. He showed us that children are not to be idolized because all good things come from God, and He deserves all the glory, not the object of the blessing.<br />
<br />
As much as I think my plans are best, I believe His plans are even better, and I want nothing more than to allow Him to carry out His plan in my life.<br />
<br />
Jeremiah 29:11<br />
<i>"For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."</i><br />
<br />
<b>The Latest Update On Us:</b><br />
We are loving our <a href="http://www.tofuandmanna.com/">new diet and lifestyle</a> and <i>plan</i> (lol) to stick with it for life because we believe it's the best way to honor our temples, no matter the outcome (hoping for biological conception but whether our journey ends with conception or not will not change our decision to adopt a plant-based diet). I don't think we ever would have been open to adopting a plant-based diet unless we'd experienced this trial, so praise God for that.<br />
<br />
We have been plant-based for almost 9 months, and although we have yet to conceive, we are not interested in pursuing any form of medical procedures to help us conceive. We have felt the Lord confirm in our hearts that He wants us to keep waiting at this time. The only way we will include the medical field in our family planning is if the Lord clearly moves us in that direction.<br />
<br />
We are open to God's will, whatever that may be. We are open to adopting, but will not pursue adoption until we feel Him leading us down that path. Adoption is not an easy process. It will require an extensive amount of research, financial planning, and emotional commitment. We have decided to wait until December 2014 before we begin to research the adoption process, unless the Lord moves us to act sooner (or later) than that time. This is an example of me making a plan because it brings me comfort to have a date to look forward to (December 2014), but God's plan and timing come first. We will ultimately do what He wills, when He wills it.<br />
<br />
Thank you to those who continue to pray for us. We are grateful for your love and friendship. We look forward to seeing what God has planned for our lives.<br />
<br />
Hope & Love,<br />
ChristineChristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-55070983726833419302013-07-02T07:00:00.000-05:002013-07-02T07:00:01.863-05:00How<b>How</b><br />
<br />
How long must I pray before You answer me<br />
How long must I wait before Your plan is revealed to me<br />
How long, O Lord, how long<br />
<br />
How many more birthdays will pass with empty arms<br />
How many more mother’s days will pass with silence<br />
How many more father’s days will pass with no celebration<br />
How many more, O Lord, how many more<br />
<br />
How come so many ask me if I have children<br />
How come so many friends don’t understand<br />
How come I feel like I’m the only one dealing with this<br />
How come, O Lord, how come<br />
<br />
How is it that so many conversations involve one’s children<br />
How is it that most commercials I see target mothers<br />
How is it that most churches don’t have a place for someone like me<br />
How is it, O Lord, how is it<br />
<br />
How do I deal with all these bumps in my road<br />
How do I handle the silence and waiting<br />
How do I hold onto hope and faith<br />
How do I, O Lord, how do I<br />
<br />
God I need You<br />
I need You to guide me<br />
I need You to answer me<br />
I need You to carry me<br />
I need You to tell me howChristinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-8518198486654348602013-06-25T12:00:00.000-05:002013-06-25T12:00:42.344-05:00MisconceptionWhich of the two orange circles is larger, right or left?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/illusion_zps4ebc0b35.png.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo illusion_zps4ebc0b35.png" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/illusion_zps4ebc0b35.png" height="277" width="450" /></a></div>
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Ready for the correct answer?<br />
<br />
You guessed correctly!! Because they are the same size...<br />
<br />
Don't believe me? Take out a ruler and measure them on the screen. (Yes, I actually did this!) This is called the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebbinghaus_illusion">Ebbinghaus illusion</a>.<br />
<br />
I thought this was a wonderful example of the common misconceptions associated with infertility. I want to focus on two perspectives: from the infertile's and the fertile's points of view.<br />
<br />
<b>Infertile</b><br />
I know you well. You often have thoughts like, "Why is it so much easier for [her] to conceive than me?"<br />
<br />
My dear sister, it may feel like everyone else around you could get pregnant from drinking the water while you are carefully planning and timing and tracking and counting and peeing and...well...you get the idea.<br />
<br />
But sometimes things are not as they seem. The circle on the right may look bigger, but it's really the same size as the one on the left. Translated for you: it may seem like [she] can conceive so much easier than you, but it's simply not true.<br />
<br />
You have a misconception about this. You are allowing yourself to be fooled into believing the lie that Satan works very hard at getting you to believe.<br />
<br />
Because the truth is, [she] has no higher odds of conceiving than you do. Yes, really. Why? Because God is the one and ONLY ONE who decides when a life will begin. No matter what [she] says, no matter who [she] gives the credit to, no matter how many kids [they] have already, no matter how little [they] were trying to conceive...the one and ONLY reason [she] conceived at all was purely because God said it was to be so.<br />
<br />
On the flip side, the one and ONLY reason you have not yet conceived [or birthed a baby] is because God says it is not yet the time for it to be so. No matter what doctors have told you, no matter how messed up your cycles are, no matter how many years you've been trying...the only reason you are still waiting is because God's plan is still yet to unfold in your life.<br />
<br />
That levels the playing field. You should no longer feel inferior to [her]. You should no longer compare yourself to [her]. Your journeys are obviously very different, but your odds are exactly the same: 100%. It is a guarantee, a certainty that God's plan will unfold in each of your lives. It will happen in different ways, at different times, and with different endings, but it WILL happen.<br />
<br />
So go "all in". Bet big. Put all your cards on the table before God. Pray without ceasing. Keep asking Him for guidance. Keep crying out to Him for help and strength and comfort. Keep the proper perspective about your situation and remember that you are loved and not forgotten. You are NOT the smaller circle.<br />
<br />
<b>Fertile</b><br />
Please remember to give credit where it is due. Just as the infertile is fooled into believing they are inferior to you, you can easily be fooled into believing that you played a bigger role in the conception of your child than you really did.<br />
<br />
So my plea with you is to use caution with how you speak about your fertility. Always try to choose humility over pride. It may not be so easy the next time you try to conceive. Secondary infertility is a real thing for many women. They often find themselves frustrated and confused, realizing that they took for granted their apparent fertility the first time around.<br />
<br />
Just remember that it is God and God alone who gives children to parents. You have been blessed with a precious gift, and He calls you to honor Him with it and give Him the credit for it (Psalm 127:3).<br />
<br />
If you already know the two circles are the same size, then I thank God for your awareness of this and for your sensitivity to the infertiles' hearts. Your understanding is invaluable to us.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
In summary, we are all made in the image of God. We are all fallen creatures. We are all at the mercy of our Lord's plan for our lives. Our stories will be different, our prayers will be answered in different ways and at different times. We must not compare one journey to the next. We must not think of our journey as superior or inferior to another's. Those comparisons lead only to shame.<br />
<br />
<b>Philippians 2:1-11</b><br />
<i>1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.</i>Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-61711377093410007112013-06-17T15:01:00.000-05:002013-07-23T15:23:22.766-05:00Confessions of an InfertileI'm a really bad waiter. I was also a really bad waitress.<br />
<br />
I just want so desperately to know what God's plan is. I feel pretty confident that I can get on board with whatever His plan is...I just want to know what it is so all of this uncertainty can go away.<br />
<br />
No matter what happens in my life; no matter what I'm doing; no matter how busy I am...nothing will make me feel whole. Only God can do that.<br />
<br />
I feel like the most impatient person in the world. I do not like waiting. I get so anxious and antsy. Waiting at a red light or for a train. Waiting for a speech or lecture to end. Waiting for an airplane to get moving. Waiting to get off said airplane. Waiting in line at the store. Why do people move sooooo sloooooooow when I'm around?? Get a move on people!<br />
<br />
That's honestly how I feel about God sometimes...get a move on God! Why are you taking so long to reveal your plan?!<br />
<br />
Could there really be a reason for all this waiting? Is it really for some good? I mean, looking back, I definitely see all the good that has happened. So many lessons learned, relationships made, and opportunities realized. But in each moment, I feel like that must certainly be it. All the learning must surely be over. Right? RIGHT?!<br />
<br />
Deep breath. And again.<br />
<br />
And again.<br />
<br />
Days like this make it really hard to trust that God knows what He's doing. But that's absurd. Because He's GOD! Of course He knows what He's doing. He made the world and everything in it. And the most crucial detail: He made time. Time belongs to Him. The stupid thing that I keep obsessing over is the very thing that He made and is in complete control of.<br />
<br />
So the real question I find myself asking is: How to be patient? I clearly do not possess this skill when it comes to waiting for God's plan to be revealed, so how can I learn to be patient? Is there a class I can attend? A book I can read? A magical potion I can swallow?<br />
<br />
<b>Galatians 5:22-23</b><br />
<i>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, <u><b>patience</b></u>, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.</i><br />
<br />
It's a fruit of the Spirit. Great! And which store can I pick that up at? I'm a health nut...I love fruit!<br />
<br />
But this fruit is not something that is so simple to find and possess. Or is it?<br />
<br />
<b>John 15:1-11</b><br />
<i>1 "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. 3 You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. 9 Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. 11 These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full."</i><br />
<br />
This is lengthy, but so very informative and valuable. In short, the only way to bear fruit (read "patience" for yours truly) is to abide in Christ. So patience is not something that I yield on my own. Just as a farmer is not the one to grow a crop, he is the one who puts in the time, labor, and care. God then causes the growth. So I will only gain patience by putting in the time, labor, and care (love) towards Christ.<br />
<br />
And that's not all. In verse 5, He says that if you abide in Him, you will bear much fruit. You mean I might bear more things from that list than just patience?! Sounds unbelievable...I mean, have you met me before? Phew, God has His work cut out for Him growing so many different fruits from this sinful being.<br />
<br />
But God is faithful. So I must be faithful. I want to abide in Him. And if I have any hope of keeping some semblance of my sanity, I need to abide in Him. I need to stop and smell the roses, not push passed all the slow pokes at the park. I need to bear fruit while I wait for the Lord.<br />
<br />
God, please help me abide in You. I long to make you proud. I want to bring You glory. Please help your daughter out.Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-15262593766622714092013-05-31T14:20:00.000-05:002013-05-31T14:20:21.118-05:00Don't Be a Fiddler<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/im_fiddling_zps595aae3f.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo im_fiddling_zps595aae3f.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/im_fiddling_zps595aae3f.jpg" height="189" width="450" /></a></div>
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"I'm fiddling"</div>
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(You get an 'A' if you know what movie this is from!)</div>
<br />
Are you a fiddler? I'm the type that will fiddle with something in my hands when I'm thinking, conversing, listening...it's just something I mindlessly do with various objects nearby. I'm usually not actively thinking about it. My hands seem to have a mind of their own in that way and before I know what happened, I look down and realize I've unscrewed the pen tip or I'm twirling my wedding rings around my finger.<br />
<br />
Infertility can be like that. Without even realizing what happened, you can find yourself going from carefree to fretting. You can find yourself obsessing about one tiny detail or following the thought pathway of a particular what-if scenario.<br />
<br />
I've come to realize that the enemy uses these "mind fiddles" as an opportunity to decrease your faith. Because when I have that moment of realization that I've been fretting about something, I realize that I feel more hopeless and alone. The enemy uses those opportunities to draw you away from God.<br />
<br />
So it's very important to faithfully and continually evaluate yourself. If you realize you're fretting or that you've started claiming the reins of your life/situation thinking you have control over something that you really don't...release it. Give them back to God.<br />
<br />
<b>1 Peter 5:6-11</b><br />
<i>6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7 <b>casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you</b>. 8 Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. 10 After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 11 To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.</i><br />
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It's unfortunately not a decision you just make once; it's a decision you have to keep making throughout your journey (and whole life, I would argue). Let it go, and put the reins back into God's hands. Take charge of your thoughts, and direct them where you know they should go.<br />
<br />
<b>2 Corinthians 10:3-5</b><br />
<i>3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. 5 We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are <b>taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ</b></i><br />
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Take ownership of what you do have control over, but nothing beyond that...you have to let those things go. It's worth it, because whose hands are more capable than God's?Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-82632055015763739232013-05-06T09:48:00.000-05:002013-05-06T09:48:07.057-05:00Hopeful Mother's DayMother's Day. A day to celebrate mothers. But how exactly do you define a mother?<br />
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<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/Mothers-Day_zps89665d86.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo Mothers-Day_zps89665d86.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/Mothers-Day_zps89665d86.jpg" height="360" width="490" /></a></div>
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In a church service, Mother's Day usually includes a special "Standing of the Mothers Ceremony." It's not normally called such a prestigious title, but for some women, that's exactly how it feels. Sometimes small gifts or roses are given to those who stand. The picture above shows a church crowd on Mother's Day, where the mothers were asked to stand. I don't know why some men are also standing...but notice that there are some women who are still seated. <br />
<br />
This very special day can be very complicated. Is a mother strictly a woman who has born a child? What about adoptive moms? What about women who bore a child that died in its infancy? What about a woman who had a stillbirth? Miscarriage? Pregnant? Infertile? What about single women who desperately long to get married and have children?<br />
<br />
This public event at church - that I'm sure has very good intentions to honor mothers - at the same time dishonors and isolates women in these complicated classifications. To stand or not to stand, that really is the question.<br />
<br />
I long to be a mother, but it's not the appointed time for me yet. But my heart already acts like a mother's heart. My heart is already so full of love for my children, and I haven't even met them yet. Does that mean I'm "worthy" of standing? I have five furry children...does that count? Have I earned my mother's badge?<br />
<br />
I love that there's a special day to celebrate mothers, I just wish that we could honor mothers without isolating non-mothers. <a href="http://www.messymiddle.com/2012/05/10/an-open-letter-to-pastors-a-non-mom-speaks-about-mothers-day/">This blog post addresses this issue very well</a>.<br />
<br />
So what to do, what to do?<br />
<br />
<b>Moms Already</b><br />
You are so blessed. Psalm 127:3 says, "<i>Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward</i>." Please be considerate of other women around you who may be deeply hurting on this day. Don't be afraid to reach out to those women and encourage them, pray for them, and love them. And please think twice before you utter a complaint about being tired, frustrated, spit up on, etc. Learn to better appreciate the blessings you have been given. You are richly blessed, so have a heart of joy and thankfulness.<br />
<br />
<b>Wanna Be Moms</b><br />
This day will be hard for you. Brace yourself, it comes every year. You should decide for yourself how you will handle this day. We personally choose to skip church on this day, because our church congregation still does the Standing of the Mothers Ceremony. And there is nothing more awkward and painful for me than sitting in a room full of women who have the honor of standing, where all I long to do is have the credentials necessary to stand. I literally have dreams about being in a room full of pregnant women/mothers. It's isolating and painful, so I choose to avoid this day to protect my heart.<br />
<br />
But don't let this day be a day of darkness for you. You may not have a physical (human) child yet, but you will one day. Each new day you wake up, you are <a href="http://hopefulinfertile.blogspot.com/2012/12/one-day-closer.html">one day closer</a> to meeting your child. So stay strong in the Lord. Worship Him for His goodness. His plan is perfect and beautiful. Pray for strength, comfort, and peace to wait patiently for His plan to unfold. Treasure this time with your husband, and celebrate the day as a day of <i>Hopeful Mother's Day</i>.<br />
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<b>Church Body, Pastors, and Congregation</b><br />
Know that the church body is composed of sinners. This means that the black and white mother/non-mother descriptors are a thing of the past. So let's just celebrate and honor the mothers we know personally, rather than having a formal Standing of the Mothers Ceremony. Mothers should be honored, but not in the way that is done in many churches today. So reach out to the mothers you know and tell them how much you appreciate them. Encourage and uplift them. And also be aware of the more complicated situations, like adoptive, infertile, and former parents. There is much suffering in the church body, and we should all seek to uplift and love on those who suffer. Let compassion be your motto.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Happy Hopeful Mother's Day!! </b></div>
Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7470266047071632116.post-51190447311451709122013-04-15T11:09:00.000-05:002013-04-15T11:09:20.115-05:00Jealousy - Green Is Not My Best Color<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s999.photobucket.com/user/mcyager/media/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/hulkangrycaption_zps69277000.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo hulkangrycaption_zps69277000.jpg" border="0" src="http://i999.photobucket.com/albums/af116/mcyager/Hope%20Does%20Not%20Disappoint%20Blog/hulkangrycaption_zps69277000.jpg" height="192" width="450" /></a></div>
<br />
I have struggled with jealousy for all my life. Blame it on being an only child, or simply the fact that I'm a regular, sinful, selfish human being...often times my first response to someone who has something that I want but don't have is a response of jealousy. This especially became a foothold for me when we first began struggling with infertility. It took every ounce of strength I possessed to not dwell on thoughts like this (and I often failed, allowing myself to stew in jealousy):<br />
<br />
Why does <i>she</i> deserve a baby and I don't?<br />
She's so ungrateful for being pregnant by complaining so often, it just makes me sick.<br />
I bet <i>I</i> would handle that so much better than <i>her</i>.<br />
It's so unfair that teenagers get pregnant all the time after "just once", yet I can't get pregnant at all!<br />
<br />
And on and on...turning greener and greener by the minute.<br />
<br />
As I learned to depend on the Lord, and give everything about this journey to Him, submitting to His and only His plan, it became easier for me to reject thoughts of jealousy. I still face many temptations to be jealous about others' pregnancies and children, but the more I focus my attention heavenward, the easier it gets to move past the narrow-focused thought of jealousy.<br />
<br />
I still intentionally protect myself by setting boundaries that aid my ability to reject jealousy, such as refusing to attend all baby showers or visit newborns and new parents. I do this in the same way that a man who struggles with sexual purity might set a boundary by installing protective computer software or avoid seeing a movie with sexual content. It's only prudent to set yourself up for success rather than willingly entering a situation you know will lead you into temptation and struggle. But the greatest recipe for success is keeping your gaze focused on the Lord, pursuing Him actively.<br />
<br />
<b>Hebrews 12:1-2</b><br />
<i>Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.</i><br />
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The Sarah's Laughter devotional below is a wonderful example of how jealousy, especially in the midst of infertility, can lead you away from the dream you so desperately long for. We infertile women must be extra cautious about the condition of our hearts. We must make every effort to not set ourselves against our husbands and begin a trend of instilling jealousy in our children. It does not mean you are not allowed to feel sadness and grief, but always viewing the world from the perspective of "what I'm not getting" is a selfish and narrow perspective to have. We must fix our eyes on the hope and plan God has for us.<br />
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<img alt="" border="0" src="http://gallery.mailchimp.com/91c4a16318bd4a99a273cfb6f/images/SarahsLaughterLogo_for_facebook.jpg" height="122" width="450" /></div>
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Profile: Rachel</h1>
April 15, 2013</td>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'times new roman',times,baskerville,georgia,serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Rachel
was definitely one of us. She wanted a baby so badly, and it seemed
that nothing she tried worked. There is much we can learn as we examine
Rachel’s life. Just as Hannah gave us examples of how we should strive
to handle the heartache of infertility, Rachel gives us a crystal clear
look at what pitfalls we need to avoid as best we can.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'times new roman',times,baskerville,georgia,serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Jealousy
was a major chapter in Rachel’s infertility story. Undoubtedly, the
most painful reminder of her infertility was her sister. Her sister <i>who lived in her own house. </i> Her sister <i>who lived in her own house and was pregnant. </i>Her sister <i>who lived in her own house and was pregnant </i><b><i>by Rachel’s husband. </i></b>
I know it’s tough to be infertile in 2013, but most of us don’t have
pregnant siblings living with us who are carrying our spouse’s child!
Ugh!</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'times new roman',times,baskerville,georgia,serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Jealousy
was such a factor in Rachel’s heart that it is one of the themes that
Scripture shares with us about her life. She was so jealous of her
sister that it tainted everything she did, everything she said, and even
played a role in the naming of her children that God did eventually
grant her. Rachel’s jealousy didn’t go away when her children were
born. It colored her parenting and even affected her children
throughout their adult lives.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'times new roman',times,baskerville,georgia,serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">All
of us feel a twinge of jealousy when we see a pregnant woman or hear
someone our age announce their third pregnancy. Sometimes it’s more
than a twinge! Ask God to help you with this hurtful emotion when
jealousy begins to rear its ugly head. Don’t let your infertility story
be written by jealousy’s hand.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'times new roman',times,baskerville,georgia,serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">There
is no doubt that Rachel was consumed by baby hunger. She was also
consumed by rage. She was so angry that she couldn’t conceive and her
anger spilled over into her relationships. In Genesis 30:1, we see her
snipping at her husband. Chances are, it wasn’t the first argument
they’d ever had regarding her inability to conceive. <i>“Give me children, or else I die!” </i>What was her husband, Jacob’s response? <i>Then Jacob’s anger burned against Rachel...</i>(Genesis
30:2). No wiping her tears. No strong shoulder to lean on. Rachel’s
accusations lit a fire in her husband’s heart. (Remember Proverbs 15:1: <i>“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”) </i>How
many times could she lash out at Jacob without expecting him to
reciprocate? Chance are, he was doing everything he could possibly do
to help her get pregnant. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'times new roman',times,baskerville,georgia,serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Learn
from Rachel’s mistakes. How different would her life have been if she
had found a way to harness jealousy and rage? How much lighter would
the burden of infertility have been had she not had to simultaneously
struggle with broken relationships and hurt feelings?</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span style="font-family: 'times new roman',times,baskerville,georgia,serif;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">No
one says it’s easy. No one expects you to get through this season of
your life with the total absence of anger or jealousy. After all, you
are a human being, you know. But keep an honest eye on yourself and on
your heart. Don’t let Satan get a stronghold in your life as he tries
to wrap your heart in anger and jealousy.</span></span></span></div>
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<br />Christinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07150431580278605995noreply@blogger.com0