I don't want this blog to be all about our daughter, because the main point of this blog is to encourage those who are suffering or waiting on God to not lose hope. Because there is ALWAYS hope found in God.
Recently infertility and the pains that go along with it have been on my heart. I've met and heard from some sisters in Christ that they're still struggling. Please know that my heart still aches for you. I still know and understand your pain. I may not have experienced all that you have, but I know what it feels like to want a child when you want it, and to feel disappointment that it's not time for you to have a child yet. I know what it feels like to have friends, family members, and strangers say well-intentioned things that actually hurt you deeply. I know what it feels like to watch woman after woman in your life get pregnant and have multiple children with seemingly no effort at all. I know what it's like to question your adequacy as a woman because your body doesn't respond the way you think it should.
But the most important thing for you to know is that God knows your pain too. He isn't causing your suffering, but for some reason that you just can't understand yet, He is allowing you to suffer this trial. You can read all about it in the Bible (James 1, Romans 5, 2 Corinthians 1, 1 Peter, Philippians 4, and lots more!), about how trials and suffering are meant to grow your character. I know how hard it is to read those passages and still not understand WHY you're going through this. But I can promise you that God knows.
He knows the end from the beginning. He knows your heart, your character, your strengths and weaknesses. He knows you better than you know yourself. He knows that if you choose...key word: CHOOSE...to trust Him through this time of suffering, you will experience growth and persevere this trial. You WILL get through this and come out with a better perspective than when you entered. But you must choose to trust Him and always believe that He is good and loves you.
If instead, you choose to get angry, bitter, or lose hope, your character and walk with God will suffer. That will ultimately darken your heart and harm the relationships in your life. I've walked this line several times over the past 4 1/2 years of infertility. Sometimes I've stumbled and allowed some darkness to take over my thoughts and heart. But by the grace of God it was only for a short time.
I can only speak from my story, but for me, when we got the call that a birth mother had chosen us to adopt her baby, it started healing my heart in ways I never thought possible. I finally saw a glimpse of the final puzzle picture. I finally realized that everything...all the negative pregnancy tests, all the tears shed, all the hurtful comments I heard, all the gut wrenching moments alone with God where I wrestled with fears like "What if I never get pregnant?" I finally realized that all of those things were for a reason. I needed to experience hurt and disappointment to convict me that I don't have as much control over my life like I pridefully once thought. I needed to be broken down and question my health so that we might be open to trying a plant-based diet. I needed to experience years of disappointment so that I would start to consider the idea of adoption. I needed to see that adoption could be a possible path for us, and that maybe there could be some beauty to be found in it. I needed to wait and toil through all the time that elapsed before we submitted our adoption application. Because God knew that the month we submitted it, EVY was conceived. And God knew what we needed to put in our profile that ultimately connected with the birth family. He knew EVY was supposed to join our family long before we ever even considered the idea of adopting. It wasn't until after meeting EVY that I truly had a moment with God where I can honestly say, "God, if I never get pregnant, I know I will be okay. I know you are still good." Of course I still desire to experience pregnancy someday, but I finally let go of that "need" and truly made it nothing more than a desire.
So if you're hurting right now and you feel frustrated and confused about why you're suffering, I encourage you to turn to Him and trust Him. Lay all of your fears and tears at His feet and know that if you choose to trust God through this, you will most certainly gain wisdom and spiritual growth along the way. I'll say again something that Michael once said that I still love to remember: the blessing isn't the child (or whatever you're waiting on God for) at the end, the blessing is the trial along the way.
Don't ever lose hope!
Showing posts with label Commonness of Barrenness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Commonness of Barrenness. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Webinar About Infertility
My friend, Jocelyn, told me about this webinar. I'll be busy during work that day, but hope to watch it later because I think it would be encouraging. If you or anyone you know is struggling with infertility, feel free to pass along this opportunity.
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Infertility is a difficult and delicate topic for 25% of couples in the childbearing stage of life. Few will talk openly about it. But Sheridan and Merryn Voysey do.
Join the Voyseys and host Tim Jackson on Tuesday, October 14, from 10:00-11:00 a.m. EDT as RBC Ministries presents a live webinar called Infertility: Finding Hope with Empty Arms. The Voyseys share their story of enduring a decade of failed in vitro fertilization (IFV) procedures and attempts to adopt without any success. They know firsthand the painful burden of hope deferred and the heartache and isolation that haunts couples struggling with infertility.
In this webinar we will explore some of the healthy and unhealthy ways a couple can respond when facing the problem of infertility. As a part of this lively discussion, you will learn to:
- Identify how husbands and wives handle the struggles of infertility differently
- Understand the challenges and decisions regarding infertility options
- Understand the ethical dilemma of in vitro fertilization (IFV) for Christian couples
- Discover the commonality in all broken dreams that is not unique to infertility
- Understand how perhaps the greater tragedy than a broken dream is a life forever defined by it
If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility or another broken dream, plan to join us for Infertility: Finding Hope with Empty Arms and listen to a couple who has walked that road and found hope and healing.
Register today by clicking on the link below.
Join the conversation on Twitter! #EmptyArms
Friday, July 25, 2014
SO Worth the Wait
This past weekend was full of joyous celebration as I co-hosted a baby shower for my dear friend, Jocelyn. I met Jocelyn for the first time in August 2011 at NWYM class. I overheard her tearful conversation with someone else in the class that she had been trying to get pregnant for a while and didn't know what else to do. My ears perked up immediately, because my heart was struggling with the same thing.
I boldly introduced myself and shared that I too had been trying to get pregnant for several months (it had not quite been one year for me at the time) and asked if she wanted to be friends. We had an instant connection over such a heartbreaking trial.
I remember the first time we hung out, we shared our background stories and our struggles with infertility. Oh how much we hated measuring our basal body temperatures. (We even joked that hopefully after getting pregnant someday, we'd throw a thermometer burning party.) We shared our frustrations with the insensitive comments and questions from well-meaning people (So, do you have any kids? Oh don't worry, just relax, and it'll happen! Oh I know exactly how you feel - it took us 2 whole months to conceive our third child.) We also shared the bittersweet pain we felt when friends announced their pregnancies, and the feeling that we were left behind, forgotten by God and society even though our hearts longed to be remembered.
In a world that does not talk enough about, let alone understand, infertility and the deep pain it causes, we shared a sisterly bond that will likely last the rest of our lives. We got together regularly for lunch, and then stayed in touch through email and telephone after they moved out of town. We supported one another through all the doctor's appointments, blood test results, two week waits, negative pregnancy tests, and the dreaded periods. We encouraged one another, cried together, laughed together, reminded one another that God has a plan, and always kept hoping that one day our struggles would end with us finally becoming mothers.
The thing about God's plan is that it takes time. Usually much more time than you want or realize.
But the point of waiting, and of suffering, is not what is waiting at the end of the road. It's all the bumps, rocks, and cracks along the way.
Those sharp rocks hurt like nothing else, but they make you tougher. They teach you to accept your present circumstances but to push onward and not let your circumstances define you.
Those deep cracks that your countless tears fall into make you feel like your prayers go unanswered. That you are alone in the darkness. Uncared for. Forgotten. But when you're in utter darkness, you stand the best chance of seeing the tiniest sparks of Light. You're ears are primed and ready to hear the softest whispers.
It's the journey to what's waiting at the end that makes the waiting worth going through. As Michael so wisely said one time, "The blessing of infertility isn't so much the child at the end, but the trial itself."
Though it is deeply painful, and makes you question everything about yourself and what makes you a woman, infertility is one of the greatest blessings God can give His daughters. Because it always has a purpose. You see it multiple times in the Bible - Sarah, Rachel, Elizabeth, Hannah, Ruth, Rebekah - women who suffered years of waiting to conceive a child. But each child played an integral role in God's plan.
Every story of suffering, every trial, has a purpose. God truly does have a plan, but He will not be rushed. His plan is intricate and perfect and simply has to unfold according to His timing.
So while you're on that bumpy, rocky, crack-filled road...pay attention. Look around and listen for God. There is so much to be learned from Him along the journey. The waiting is not in vain. It's the most important part. And God's plan is SO worth the wait!
God, I thank you so much for answering my prayers for Jocelyn to become pregnant. I thank you for her friendship and the journey you've brought each of us on. You are always and only good, and I look forward to seeing the rest of Your plan unfold.
I boldly introduced myself and shared that I too had been trying to get pregnant for several months (it had not quite been one year for me at the time) and asked if she wanted to be friends. We had an instant connection over such a heartbreaking trial.
I remember the first time we hung out, we shared our background stories and our struggles with infertility. Oh how much we hated measuring our basal body temperatures. (We even joked that hopefully after getting pregnant someday, we'd throw a thermometer burning party.) We shared our frustrations with the insensitive comments and questions from well-meaning people (So, do you have any kids? Oh don't worry, just relax, and it'll happen! Oh I know exactly how you feel - it took us 2 whole months to conceive our third child.) We also shared the bittersweet pain we felt when friends announced their pregnancies, and the feeling that we were left behind, forgotten by God and society even though our hearts longed to be remembered.
In a world that does not talk enough about, let alone understand, infertility and the deep pain it causes, we shared a sisterly bond that will likely last the rest of our lives. We got together regularly for lunch, and then stayed in touch through email and telephone after they moved out of town. We supported one another through all the doctor's appointments, blood test results, two week waits, negative pregnancy tests, and the dreaded periods. We encouraged one another, cried together, laughed together, reminded one another that God has a plan, and always kept hoping that one day our struggles would end with us finally becoming mothers.
The thing about God's plan is that it takes time. Usually much more time than you want or realize.
But the point of waiting, and of suffering, is not what is waiting at the end of the road. It's all the bumps, rocks, and cracks along the way.
Those sharp rocks hurt like nothing else, but they make you tougher. They teach you to accept your present circumstances but to push onward and not let your circumstances define you.
Those deep cracks that your countless tears fall into make you feel like your prayers go unanswered. That you are alone in the darkness. Uncared for. Forgotten. But when you're in utter darkness, you stand the best chance of seeing the tiniest sparks of Light. You're ears are primed and ready to hear the softest whispers.
It's the journey to what's waiting at the end that makes the waiting worth going through. As Michael so wisely said one time, "The blessing of infertility isn't so much the child at the end, but the trial itself."
Though it is deeply painful, and makes you question everything about yourself and what makes you a woman, infertility is one of the greatest blessings God can give His daughters. Because it always has a purpose. You see it multiple times in the Bible - Sarah, Rachel, Elizabeth, Hannah, Ruth, Rebekah - women who suffered years of waiting to conceive a child. But each child played an integral role in God's plan.
Every story of suffering, every trial, has a purpose. God truly does have a plan, but He will not be rushed. His plan is intricate and perfect and simply has to unfold according to His timing.
So while you're on that bumpy, rocky, crack-filled road...pay attention. Look around and listen for God. There is so much to be learned from Him along the journey. The waiting is not in vain. It's the most important part. And God's plan is SO worth the wait!
God, I thank you so much for answering my prayers for Jocelyn to become pregnant. I thank you for her friendship and the journey you've brought each of us on. You are always and only good, and I look forward to seeing the rest of Your plan unfold.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Misconception
Which of the two orange circles is larger, right or left?
Ready for the correct answer?
You guessed correctly!! Because they are the same size...
Don't believe me? Take out a ruler and measure them on the screen. (Yes, I actually did this!) This is called the Ebbinghaus illusion.
I thought this was a wonderful example of the common misconceptions associated with infertility. I want to focus on two perspectives: from the infertile's and the fertile's points of view.
Infertile
I know you well. You often have thoughts like, "Why is it so much easier for [her] to conceive than me?"
My dear sister, it may feel like everyone else around you could get pregnant from drinking the water while you are carefully planning and timing and tracking and counting and peeing and...well...you get the idea.
But sometimes things are not as they seem. The circle on the right may look bigger, but it's really the same size as the one on the left. Translated for you: it may seem like [she] can conceive so much easier than you, but it's simply not true.
You have a misconception about this. You are allowing yourself to be fooled into believing the lie that Satan works very hard at getting you to believe.
Because the truth is, [she] has no higher odds of conceiving than you do. Yes, really. Why? Because God is the one and ONLY ONE who decides when a life will begin. No matter what [she] says, no matter who [she] gives the credit to, no matter how many kids [they] have already, no matter how little [they] were trying to conceive...the one and ONLY reason [she] conceived at all was purely because God said it was to be so.
On the flip side, the one and ONLY reason you have not yet conceived [or birthed a baby] is because God says it is not yet the time for it to be so. No matter what doctors have told you, no matter how messed up your cycles are, no matter how many years you've been trying...the only reason you are still waiting is because God's plan is still yet to unfold in your life.
That levels the playing field. You should no longer feel inferior to [her]. You should no longer compare yourself to [her]. Your journeys are obviously very different, but your odds are exactly the same: 100%. It is a guarantee, a certainty that God's plan will unfold in each of your lives. It will happen in different ways, at different times, and with different endings, but it WILL happen.
So go "all in". Bet big. Put all your cards on the table before God. Pray without ceasing. Keep asking Him for guidance. Keep crying out to Him for help and strength and comfort. Keep the proper perspective about your situation and remember that you are loved and not forgotten. You are NOT the smaller circle.
Fertile
Please remember to give credit where it is due. Just as the infertile is fooled into believing they are inferior to you, you can easily be fooled into believing that you played a bigger role in the conception of your child than you really did.
So my plea with you is to use caution with how you speak about your fertility. Always try to choose humility over pride. It may not be so easy the next time you try to conceive. Secondary infertility is a real thing for many women. They often find themselves frustrated and confused, realizing that they took for granted their apparent fertility the first time around.
Just remember that it is God and God alone who gives children to parents. You have been blessed with a precious gift, and He calls you to honor Him with it and give Him the credit for it (Psalm 127:3).
If you already know the two circles are the same size, then I thank God for your awareness of this and for your sensitivity to the infertiles' hearts. Your understanding is invaluable to us.
In summary, we are all made in the image of God. We are all fallen creatures. We are all at the mercy of our Lord's plan for our lives. Our stories will be different, our prayers will be answered in different ways and at different times. We must not compare one journey to the next. We must not think of our journey as superior or inferior to another's. Those comparisons lead only to shame.
Philippians 2:1-11
1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Ready for the correct answer?
You guessed correctly!! Because they are the same size...
Don't believe me? Take out a ruler and measure them on the screen. (Yes, I actually did this!) This is called the Ebbinghaus illusion.
I thought this was a wonderful example of the common misconceptions associated with infertility. I want to focus on two perspectives: from the infertile's and the fertile's points of view.
Infertile
I know you well. You often have thoughts like, "Why is it so much easier for [her] to conceive than me?"
My dear sister, it may feel like everyone else around you could get pregnant from drinking the water while you are carefully planning and timing and tracking and counting and peeing and...well...you get the idea.
But sometimes things are not as they seem. The circle on the right may look bigger, but it's really the same size as the one on the left. Translated for you: it may seem like [she] can conceive so much easier than you, but it's simply not true.
You have a misconception about this. You are allowing yourself to be fooled into believing the lie that Satan works very hard at getting you to believe.
Because the truth is, [she] has no higher odds of conceiving than you do. Yes, really. Why? Because God is the one and ONLY ONE who decides when a life will begin. No matter what [she] says, no matter who [she] gives the credit to, no matter how many kids [they] have already, no matter how little [they] were trying to conceive...the one and ONLY reason [she] conceived at all was purely because God said it was to be so.
On the flip side, the one and ONLY reason you have not yet conceived [or birthed a baby] is because God says it is not yet the time for it to be so. No matter what doctors have told you, no matter how messed up your cycles are, no matter how many years you've been trying...the only reason you are still waiting is because God's plan is still yet to unfold in your life.
That levels the playing field. You should no longer feel inferior to [her]. You should no longer compare yourself to [her]. Your journeys are obviously very different, but your odds are exactly the same: 100%. It is a guarantee, a certainty that God's plan will unfold in each of your lives. It will happen in different ways, at different times, and with different endings, but it WILL happen.
So go "all in". Bet big. Put all your cards on the table before God. Pray without ceasing. Keep asking Him for guidance. Keep crying out to Him for help and strength and comfort. Keep the proper perspective about your situation and remember that you are loved and not forgotten. You are NOT the smaller circle.
Fertile
Please remember to give credit where it is due. Just as the infertile is fooled into believing they are inferior to you, you can easily be fooled into believing that you played a bigger role in the conception of your child than you really did.
So my plea with you is to use caution with how you speak about your fertility. Always try to choose humility over pride. It may not be so easy the next time you try to conceive. Secondary infertility is a real thing for many women. They often find themselves frustrated and confused, realizing that they took for granted their apparent fertility the first time around.
Just remember that it is God and God alone who gives children to parents. You have been blessed with a precious gift, and He calls you to honor Him with it and give Him the credit for it (Psalm 127:3).
If you already know the two circles are the same size, then I thank God for your awareness of this and for your sensitivity to the infertiles' hearts. Your understanding is invaluable to us.
In summary, we are all made in the image of God. We are all fallen creatures. We are all at the mercy of our Lord's plan for our lives. Our stories will be different, our prayers will be answered in different ways and at different times. We must not compare one journey to the next. We must not think of our journey as superior or inferior to another's. Those comparisons lead only to shame.
Philippians 2:1-11
1 Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Jealousy - Green Is Not My Best Color
I have struggled with jealousy for all my life. Blame it on being an only child, or simply the fact that I'm a regular, sinful, selfish human being...often times my first response to someone who has something that I want but don't have is a response of jealousy. This especially became a foothold for me when we first began struggling with infertility. It took every ounce of strength I possessed to not dwell on thoughts like this (and I often failed, allowing myself to stew in jealousy):
Why does she deserve a baby and I don't?
She's so ungrateful for being pregnant by complaining so often, it just makes me sick.
I bet I would handle that so much better than her.
It's so unfair that teenagers get pregnant all the time after "just once", yet I can't get pregnant at all!
And on and on...turning greener and greener by the minute.
As I learned to depend on the Lord, and give everything about this journey to Him, submitting to His and only His plan, it became easier for me to reject thoughts of jealousy. I still face many temptations to be jealous about others' pregnancies and children, but the more I focus my attention heavenward, the easier it gets to move past the narrow-focused thought of jealousy.
I still intentionally protect myself by setting boundaries that aid my ability to reject jealousy, such as refusing to attend all baby showers or visit newborns and new parents. I do this in the same way that a man who struggles with sexual purity might set a boundary by installing protective computer software or avoid seeing a movie with sexual content. It's only prudent to set yourself up for success rather than willingly entering a situation you know will lead you into temptation and struggle. But the greatest recipe for success is keeping your gaze focused on the Lord, pursuing Him actively.
Hebrews 12:1-2
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
The Sarah's Laughter devotional below is a wonderful example of how jealousy, especially in the midst of infertility, can lead you away from the dream you so desperately long for. We infertile women must be extra cautious about the condition of our hearts. We must make every effort to not set ourselves against our husbands and begin a trend of instilling jealousy in our children. It does not mean you are not allowed to feel sadness and grief, but always viewing the world from the perspective of "what I'm not getting" is a selfish and narrow perspective to have. We must fix our eyes on the hope and plan God has for us.
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Rachel
was definitely one of us. She wanted a baby so badly, and it seemed
that nothing she tried worked. There is much we can learn as we examine
Rachel’s life. Just as Hannah gave us examples of how we should strive
to handle the heartache of infertility, Rachel gives us a crystal clear
look at what pitfalls we need to avoid as best we can.
Jealousy
was a major chapter in Rachel’s infertility story. Undoubtedly, the
most painful reminder of her infertility was her sister. Her sister who lived in her own house. Her sister who lived in her own house and was pregnant. Her sister who lived in her own house and was pregnant by Rachel’s husband.
I know it’s tough to be infertile in 2013, but most of us don’t have
pregnant siblings living with us who are carrying our spouse’s child!
Ugh!
Jealousy
was such a factor in Rachel’s heart that it is one of the themes that
Scripture shares with us about her life. She was so jealous of her
sister that it tainted everything she did, everything she said, and even
played a role in the naming of her children that God did eventually
grant her. Rachel’s jealousy didn’t go away when her children were
born. It colored her parenting and even affected her children
throughout their adult lives.
All
of us feel a twinge of jealousy when we see a pregnant woman or hear
someone our age announce their third pregnancy. Sometimes it’s more
than a twinge! Ask God to help you with this hurtful emotion when
jealousy begins to rear its ugly head. Don’t let your infertility story
be written by jealousy’s hand.
There
is no doubt that Rachel was consumed by baby hunger. She was also
consumed by rage. She was so angry that she couldn’t conceive and her
anger spilled over into her relationships. In Genesis 30:1, we see her
snipping at her husband. Chances are, it wasn’t the first argument
they’d ever had regarding her inability to conceive. “Give me children, or else I die!” What was her husband, Jacob’s response? Then Jacob’s anger burned against Rachel...(Genesis
30:2). No wiping her tears. No strong shoulder to lean on. Rachel’s
accusations lit a fire in her husband’s heart. (Remember Proverbs 15:1: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”) How
many times could she lash out at Jacob without expecting him to
reciprocate? Chance are, he was doing everything he could possibly do
to help her get pregnant.
Learn
from Rachel’s mistakes. How different would her life have been if she
had found a way to harness jealousy and rage? How much lighter would
the burden of infertility have been had she not had to simultaneously
struggle with broken relationships and hurt feelings?
No
one says it’s easy. No one expects you to get through this season of
your life with the total absence of anger or jealousy. After all, you
are a human being, you know. But keep an honest eye on yourself and on
your heart. Don’t let Satan get a stronghold in your life as he tries
to wrap your heart in anger and jealousy.
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Friday, March 8, 2013
Hindsight Series, Part 4: Sonia
Our last story is told by Sonia. Sonia and Cameron have been married for almost 12 years, where a third of that time was spent waiting for the Lord to bless them with a child. Please enjoy Sonia's story below. Thank you, Sonia, for taking the time to contribute!
1. Please share your story/background briefly (about your journey of infertility and how it ended, where you are now)
Cameron and I tried, prayed, and trusted God for 4 years to get pregnant. We had all sorts of tests done, saw doctors & specialists, did 3 IUIs, I was treated by a Chinese acupuncturist & a Russian naturopath, took herbal fertility supplements, and were prayed over at a faith healing center by some friends. While I had different issues affecting my fertility, i.e. endometriosis & luteal phase defect, doctors never gave us definitive reasons as to why we couldn’t conceive. After 4 long years while taking a break from seeking treatment, to our surprise we were pregnant! God made the impossible, possible. Praise God! He first blessed us with our son, Lincoln (now 2.5 years old) and 10 months later, we got pregnant with our daughter, Naomi (now 1 year old).
2. Looking back, how was God at work during your time of waiting for children?
I think that God was maturing us. With Cameron, when we began trying to get pregnant, he wanted to have children, but it wasn’t a really strong desire. After a couple of years of trying, I feel that he began to really want to have children and become a father. With me, I feel like God drew me closer to Himself during that time of waiting. While reading through the Bible and in prayer, over and over God laid things on my heart. He impressed upon me that nothing was too difficult for Him, that He was right there with me on this journey, and that He loves me. I experienced a beautiful intimacy with the Lord unlike I ever had before. Suffering and waiting for a child is what brought me to my knees before my Savior. While the waiting was painful and harsh at times, there was a sweetness to it knowing that God was with me, right by my side, and that He would get me through it. Were there times when I lost hope that I would ever get pregnant? Yes. Often I rode on the hopes of others and my hope in God that He could do a miracle.
3. Looking back, what would you describe as the purpose for you having to wait for children? In other words, what do you think was the reason(s) you had to wait?
I feel like there were several reasons that I know of as to why I had to wait and the purpose behind it. Of course, I also realize that there were other reasons that I’m not aware of and that I may never know or understand. My role is to be faithful to Him and trust that He loves me, He works all things together for my good, and that He is in control. He is the author and sustainer of life. I had to learn to put my hope in Him, not in my doctor, upcoming procedure, or anything that I was doing. God wanted to use the time of waiting to grow and mature me. In the Bible, James 1:2-4 says that God uses hard times to develop perseverance. Perseverance helps us to mature. In Romans 5:3-4 it says that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope.
Another reason I think I had to wait was to give me compassion and sympathy for others going through infertility and other struggles. I was clueless about infertility before we journeyed through it. Looking back now I’m reminded about a few of the insensitive comments and questions I said to others. And those are only the ones I remember. I’m sure there were more. 2 Corinthians 1:4 says that God “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God”. How beautiful is that? He comforts us and we comfort others out of the comfort we’ve received from Him. Infertility has definitely helped me to better be able to comfort others and walk with them.
4. What was the biggest lesson(s) you learned through your journey?
God’s character is never on trial. His character does not change whether it’s smooth sailing or I’m going through hard times. My circumstances do not dictate His character, His nature and who He is. Also, I’m not in control. I never was and I never will be. I thought I was in control of my life as I enjoy setting goals and planning. Infertility helped me to see that no matter how hard we tried, or what our doctors did, God is in control of my life. He is the author and sustainer of life. I believed before that in most things if you try hard enough, set your mind to something, you could accomplish anything. This is not the case with the miracle of life. It’s just that. It’s truly a miracle and God has to act.
5. What helped you endure the time of waiting?
Endure is the right word as it was such a challenging rollercoaster ride! For me it was spending time reading through the Bible and in prayer, journaling, seeing a counselor, meeting with other friends going through infertility, having family & friends pray for me and knowing that I wasn’t forgotten. Also important was allowing myself to grieve, but to not stay stuck in the grief. So I would have a good cry when I needed to and then I would ask for God’s help to endure. As a couple we continued to live life and do fun things like travel and visit friends. It was also critical to not compare myself to others. Comparison robs you of joy. So I made it my goal to keep my eyes on Jesus and to not shift my focus onto who all was pregnant or having babies.
6. If you could go back and tell your past self something -- the past self who is in the midst of waiting -- what would you say?
As you suffer, suffer well. God is going to redeem the time and turn the suffering into something beautiful if you let Him. It will be more beautiful than you could ever imagine. This is really hard, but you’re going to get through this and come out on the other side. Put your hope in Him, trust Him, lean on Him and the family and friends supporting you.
7. Is there anything else you'd like to share?
A friend of mine, Heather, once told me in the midst of waiting that God has in mind a certain time for my child to be born. God wants him to befriend certain people and influence those around him. I have seen that come true. God has given me some beautiful friendships through my son. There is a bigger plan at work around us. Allow God to do His work and you won’t be disappointed. You will be amazed!
Previous: Part 3: Jenny's Story
Return to Hindsight Series Introduction
------------------------------------------------------
Sonia's Story
1. Please share your story/background briefly (about your journey of infertility and how it ended, where you are now)
Cameron and I tried, prayed, and trusted God for 4 years to get pregnant. We had all sorts of tests done, saw doctors & specialists, did 3 IUIs, I was treated by a Chinese acupuncturist & a Russian naturopath, took herbal fertility supplements, and were prayed over at a faith healing center by some friends. While I had different issues affecting my fertility, i.e. endometriosis & luteal phase defect, doctors never gave us definitive reasons as to why we couldn’t conceive. After 4 long years while taking a break from seeking treatment, to our surprise we were pregnant! God made the impossible, possible. Praise God! He first blessed us with our son, Lincoln (now 2.5 years old) and 10 months later, we got pregnant with our daughter, Naomi (now 1 year old).
2. Looking back, how was God at work during your time of waiting for children?
I think that God was maturing us. With Cameron, when we began trying to get pregnant, he wanted to have children, but it wasn’t a really strong desire. After a couple of years of trying, I feel that he began to really want to have children and become a father. With me, I feel like God drew me closer to Himself during that time of waiting. While reading through the Bible and in prayer, over and over God laid things on my heart. He impressed upon me that nothing was too difficult for Him, that He was right there with me on this journey, and that He loves me. I experienced a beautiful intimacy with the Lord unlike I ever had before. Suffering and waiting for a child is what brought me to my knees before my Savior. While the waiting was painful and harsh at times, there was a sweetness to it knowing that God was with me, right by my side, and that He would get me through it. Were there times when I lost hope that I would ever get pregnant? Yes. Often I rode on the hopes of others and my hope in God that He could do a miracle.
3. Looking back, what would you describe as the purpose for you having to wait for children? In other words, what do you think was the reason(s) you had to wait?
I feel like there were several reasons that I know of as to why I had to wait and the purpose behind it. Of course, I also realize that there were other reasons that I’m not aware of and that I may never know or understand. My role is to be faithful to Him and trust that He loves me, He works all things together for my good, and that He is in control. He is the author and sustainer of life. I had to learn to put my hope in Him, not in my doctor, upcoming procedure, or anything that I was doing. God wanted to use the time of waiting to grow and mature me. In the Bible, James 1:2-4 says that God uses hard times to develop perseverance. Perseverance helps us to mature. In Romans 5:3-4 it says that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope.
Another reason I think I had to wait was to give me compassion and sympathy for others going through infertility and other struggles. I was clueless about infertility before we journeyed through it. Looking back now I’m reminded about a few of the insensitive comments and questions I said to others. And those are only the ones I remember. I’m sure there were more. 2 Corinthians 1:4 says that God “comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God”. How beautiful is that? He comforts us and we comfort others out of the comfort we’ve received from Him. Infertility has definitely helped me to better be able to comfort others and walk with them.
4. What was the biggest lesson(s) you learned through your journey?
God’s character is never on trial. His character does not change whether it’s smooth sailing or I’m going through hard times. My circumstances do not dictate His character, His nature and who He is. Also, I’m not in control. I never was and I never will be. I thought I was in control of my life as I enjoy setting goals and planning. Infertility helped me to see that no matter how hard we tried, or what our doctors did, God is in control of my life. He is the author and sustainer of life. I believed before that in most things if you try hard enough, set your mind to something, you could accomplish anything. This is not the case with the miracle of life. It’s just that. It’s truly a miracle and God has to act.
5. What helped you endure the time of waiting?
Endure is the right word as it was such a challenging rollercoaster ride! For me it was spending time reading through the Bible and in prayer, journaling, seeing a counselor, meeting with other friends going through infertility, having family & friends pray for me and knowing that I wasn’t forgotten. Also important was allowing myself to grieve, but to not stay stuck in the grief. So I would have a good cry when I needed to and then I would ask for God’s help to endure. As a couple we continued to live life and do fun things like travel and visit friends. It was also critical to not compare myself to others. Comparison robs you of joy. So I made it my goal to keep my eyes on Jesus and to not shift my focus onto who all was pregnant or having babies.
6. If you could go back and tell your past self something -- the past self who is in the midst of waiting -- what would you say?
As you suffer, suffer well. God is going to redeem the time and turn the suffering into something beautiful if you let Him. It will be more beautiful than you could ever imagine. This is really hard, but you’re going to get through this and come out on the other side. Put your hope in Him, trust Him, lean on Him and the family and friends supporting you.
7. Is there anything else you'd like to share?
A friend of mine, Heather, once told me in the midst of waiting that God has in mind a certain time for my child to be born. God wants him to befriend certain people and influence those around him. I have seen that come true. God has given me some beautiful friendships through my son. There is a bigger plan at work around us. Allow God to do His work and you won’t be disappointed. You will be amazed!
Previous: Part 3: Jenny's Story
Return to Hindsight Series Introduction
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Hindsight Series, Part 3: Jenny
Our next story belongs to Jenny. Jenny and Kyle now have three beautiful children and maintain their own blog called A Chosen Child. Thank you, Jenny, for taking the time to contribute to this series. I hope you all enjoy her story as much as I do.
When I think about my story of becoming a mother, I think about adoption. About God teaching me that He loves me so crazy much that He would come down to this place, make a way into my life and choose me, for some reason I'll never figure out He chose to adopt me as His daughter. I think about how somewhere along the way He began to teach me that He wanted me to love someone so crazy much that I would find a way into their life, that I would cross over countries, and fears, and obstacles, and make them mine. I often forget that He started that journey for me years before I knew what was happening, that He used us waiting to conceive to show us that there are other ways to build a family.
We waited 14 months to become pregnant with Kylynn. At the time it seemed forever, it seemed like it would never happen, at the time it was all the reason I needed to believe every lie Satan tried to feed me. But somewhere in the midst of it all I looked at Kyle and said, "What if this never happens, what if we can't get pregnant?" and without missing a beat he said, "Then we'll adopt." It was simple for him and even though my mind was raging with BUT...I allowed myself to cling to his simplicity and say, "Okay."
We never saw a doctor, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to doctors, but after about a year I decided that even though we weren't interested in most medical interventions, we should at least consult a doctor. So I made an appointment. They couldn't see me for a couple of months, October 5th was their earliest date. On October 5th, I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time, I was six weeks pregnant. It was one of the happiest days of my life, we celebrated at Sonic, we called family, we rejoiced, and I quickly put to bed the idea that our family would consist of anything but little Kyle/Jenny clones.
But before I knew it Kylynn was 11 months old and it was time to talk about having more children. God had done something quietly, steadily in Kyle's heart during those months and he had decided that one: he only wanted two children, and two: it was important to him that we adopt at some point and so that some point had to be now.
I did not feel the same, I mean adoption is a nice thing and sure I wanted to (maybe/probably) do it someday, but let's do that once we are done having biological children. But God gave me a peace about what Kyle wanted to do and I was able to say yes to his plan. This was the first time in my life I can remember simply obeying God, even though I didn't like it, I was finally learning to let go. At that time if you would have told me I would never give birth/nurse another baby I would have been heartbroken, God took me to where I am today slowly. I began to pray during Jack's adoption that God would remove every one of my own desires in regards to children from my heart and replace them with His desire for children in our family. He was so faithful with that prayer, which I prayed daily for months and clung to desperately. Our third child, also adopted, is testimony to how He changed the desires of my heart, it made everything in our journey easier.
It's funny how hard it is to remember that time of waiting on children, they surround me today and overwhelm me, and sometimes they even remind me to bend low in awe of His goodness and the abundance of blessings in my life. But what I learned while we waited for Kylynn and for Jack and Chloe - adoption requires a lot of waiting :) - was that I want more than anything for His will to be done in my life. He is using this journey to teach me that He is truly good, that He can be trusted, it has caused me to want to choose His plan (scary and painful as it may seem at the time) every time. It taught me that it's only in trials and pain that we can grow and strange as it may seem that there can be such sweet joy in the midst of deep sorrow, there is nothing quite like being tended to by the great Comforter.
Waiting, on anything, is painful. Waiting to become a mother is perhaps one of the most painful times. All my children came to me through a journey, all of them required a great deal of waiting on the Lord. If I could go back in time to the woman I was as I waited on Kylynn, I would want to introduce her to the woman I became while I waited on Jack. I would encourage her to use that time to draw nearer and nearer to our God, to allow herself to be stretched, to be changed, to rejoice in the midst of pain. I would press down on her that God's promises are true and He can be trusted.
Previous: Part 2: Charissa's Story
Next: Part 4: Sonia's Story
Return to Hindsight Series Introduction
------------------------------------------------------
Jenny's Story
Jenny's Story
When I think about my story of becoming a mother, I think about adoption. About God teaching me that He loves me so crazy much that He would come down to this place, make a way into my life and choose me, for some reason I'll never figure out He chose to adopt me as His daughter. I think about how somewhere along the way He began to teach me that He wanted me to love someone so crazy much that I would find a way into their life, that I would cross over countries, and fears, and obstacles, and make them mine. I often forget that He started that journey for me years before I knew what was happening, that He used us waiting to conceive to show us that there are other ways to build a family.
We waited 14 months to become pregnant with Kylynn. At the time it seemed forever, it seemed like it would never happen, at the time it was all the reason I needed to believe every lie Satan tried to feed me. But somewhere in the midst of it all I looked at Kyle and said, "What if this never happens, what if we can't get pregnant?" and without missing a beat he said, "Then we'll adopt." It was simple for him and even though my mind was raging with BUT...I allowed myself to cling to his simplicity and say, "Okay."
We never saw a doctor, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to doctors, but after about a year I decided that even though we weren't interested in most medical interventions, we should at least consult a doctor. So I made an appointment. They couldn't see me for a couple of months, October 5th was their earliest date. On October 5th, I heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time, I was six weeks pregnant. It was one of the happiest days of my life, we celebrated at Sonic, we called family, we rejoiced, and I quickly put to bed the idea that our family would consist of anything but little Kyle/Jenny clones.
But before I knew it Kylynn was 11 months old and it was time to talk about having more children. God had done something quietly, steadily in Kyle's heart during those months and he had decided that one: he only wanted two children, and two: it was important to him that we adopt at some point and so that some point had to be now.
I did not feel the same, I mean adoption is a nice thing and sure I wanted to (maybe/probably) do it someday, but let's do that once we are done having biological children. But God gave me a peace about what Kyle wanted to do and I was able to say yes to his plan. This was the first time in my life I can remember simply obeying God, even though I didn't like it, I was finally learning to let go. At that time if you would have told me I would never give birth/nurse another baby I would have been heartbroken, God took me to where I am today slowly. I began to pray during Jack's adoption that God would remove every one of my own desires in regards to children from my heart and replace them with His desire for children in our family. He was so faithful with that prayer, which I prayed daily for months and clung to desperately. Our third child, also adopted, is testimony to how He changed the desires of my heart, it made everything in our journey easier.
It's funny how hard it is to remember that time of waiting on children, they surround me today and overwhelm me, and sometimes they even remind me to bend low in awe of His goodness and the abundance of blessings in my life. But what I learned while we waited for Kylynn and for Jack and Chloe - adoption requires a lot of waiting :) - was that I want more than anything for His will to be done in my life. He is using this journey to teach me that He is truly good, that He can be trusted, it has caused me to want to choose His plan (scary and painful as it may seem at the time) every time. It taught me that it's only in trials and pain that we can grow and strange as it may seem that there can be such sweet joy in the midst of deep sorrow, there is nothing quite like being tended to by the great Comforter.
Waiting, on anything, is painful. Waiting to become a mother is perhaps one of the most painful times. All my children came to me through a journey, all of them required a great deal of waiting on the Lord. If I could go back in time to the woman I was as I waited on Kylynn, I would want to introduce her to the woman I became while I waited on Jack. I would encourage her to use that time to draw nearer and nearer to our God, to allow herself to be stretched, to be changed, to rejoice in the midst of pain. I would press down on her that God's promises are true and He can be trusted.
"This God-his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?-
the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless."
Psalms 18:30-32
Previous: Part 2: Charissa's Story
Next: Part 4: Sonia's Story
Return to Hindsight Series Introduction
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Hindsight Series, Part 2: Charissa
Our next story belongs to Charissa. Charissa and John had a lengthy journey of waiting on the Lord, but now have three beautiful daughters. They also have their own blog called Highs and Ludlows. Thank you, Charissa, for taking the time to contribute to this series. I hope you all enjoy her story.
1. Please share your story/background briefly (about your journey of infertility and how it ended, where you are now)
John and I were married for 4 years when we just felt it was a good time to start trying for a family. We ended up trying for 3 1/2 years before i got pregnant. My mom got pregnant very easily and I just never had infertility on my radar. I didn't know anyone who had had a hard time trying to conceive personally. Sure I heard stories and prayed for people's prayer requests, but it wasn't really real until it happened to me.
We tried for the year that they suggest to you before you do anything, and nothing. So we both went in for tests and my doctor was not really concerned at that point. I felt that it was a lot of tests, just for them to say, 'eh'. We decided to pursue medical intervention through IUI. My doctor really only recommended three rounds and this what we did for 3 months. Scheduling, shots, and tears were normal during this time. We took a break for a few months and then tried one more IUI round.
The day I got my period and not a pregnancy was the day we also got a call that John's younger sister had gotten pregnant on her wedding night. We called a counselor the next day. It wasn't that I didn't want her to have a baby, it just was supposed to happen to me first! Going to a counselor was one of the best decisions that John and I have made as a married couple. We discussed our families and how we viewed God, and the loss of not being able to have a baby.
We also felt like we were ready for the next step of IVF. I read in one of the many infertility books that sometimes couples can go broke trying for just "one more time", and that it was good to have a limit on what you were willing to do before you started. So we set a limit of one.
It was during this time that I heard our pastor's wife share her personal story of infertility at a women's event. I came blubbering afterwards to talk to her and we met a few months later with a group of others who had struggled with infertility. I was surprised at who all showed up. Couples I knew in passing showed up. Couples who already had babies were there. And I remember bitterly thinking, "They have their babies, why do they struggle anymore?"
God was so gracious during this time. He showed me how much he did love me and cried with me each disappointing month after disappointing month. We used the same doctor as the pastor and his wife, which was unfortunately 2 hours away! John and I used that time to pray, talk, and discuss life. We transplanted two embryos but unfortunately lost one of the babies in month 2.
Gianna Joy was born 6 weeks early in an emergency C-section as she was breech! But God was faithful and our baby girl came home with only 8 days in the hospital. Fast forward 18 months later and we found ourselves going through IVF again. John had amazing insurance that covered IVF, and he was laid off but could still be on COBRA. We had no frozen eggs so we repeated every shot, every pill, and every blood check again! On the day of our retrieval, we had to be relocated for our procedure to Dallas, as our doctor's office was in the direct path of Hurricane Ike. God spared us and this time two embryos are our twins Elizabeth and Cosette. Currently we are days away from Gianna's 6th birthday and Elizabeth and Cosette are 3 1/2.
2. Looking back, how was God at work during your time of waiting for children?
I would say that God used my time of waiting to let me really see how good He is. Even when things were hard - that He still cared for me and my needs, that He cried and held my dreams dear. That He loved me no matter what, and that I needed to love Him no matter what too.
3. Looking back, what would you describe as the purpose for you having to wait for children? In other words, what do you think was the reason(s) you had to wait?
I wish I knew! All I know is that it was totally His timing. Maybe it was so I would be able to identify with so many women and share how a void worked in my life. Maybe it was to bring about greater dependency on Him, or maybe it was just so I could remember when other things have been hard - that I survived and He helped me with the pain once as He will do again.
4. What was the biggest lesson(s) you learned through your journey?
That God is good no matter what.
5. What helped you endure the time of waiting?
Having my husband be in the same place of desperation and longing and dependence on God as I was. We were partners and prayed so so much together. It also helped to have friends that had been through infertility praying for me. And honestly, going to counseling really helped me identify some sin patterns and areas I needed to trust God in, that I don't think I would have ever discovered if not for going through infertility.
6. If you could go back and tell your past self something -- the past self who is in the midst of waiting -- what would you say?
Your life may not ever end up being the daydreams you had in your mind. But God is still good, and you are loved. Time will ease this pain and memory.
7. What were your thoughts/feelings about IVF prior to trying for a family, and how did your struggle affect those feelings?
Ok, honest truth - I judged people who had IVF. I wondered about all that science stuff and if it was really "God's plan." I thought that twins from IVF weren't "real" and somehow cheated. So yup, I am a hypocrite. But when faced with my options I no longer cared. I wanted a baby and felt that if other holy women in my life thought it was ok to do, that I just might be ok with it. We prayed and really put up our own limitations prior to ever walking in the doctor's door. We knew where our lines were and what the number and effort we were willing to do for it. I also flat out told family members that we have prayed about our decisions, and shared some of our reasons for them, but that if they had any problems with IVF to keep them to themselves and to just pray for us. I was blown away by the support from many members of all our families. I also struggled with the "what ifs" about having too many fertilized eggs, but I never had any extra to spare that were of the quality to be frozen. In fact when we decided to do IVF again because of insurance, I had to start completely over with every shot and pill again. God was gracious with us again and the second time we didn't have any eggs that were of the quality to be frozen.
8. Is there anything else you'd like to share?
I truly can't believe how fast time has flown since I cried ugly tears and begged God to give me a baby each and every month. I still pray with a heart that understands when I hear of someone who is struggling with infertility. It's a shared sisterhood of quiet tears. I now know the pain, but I also know God more. Without the struggle, I would have kept God in my box and my plans and my desires. I wouldn't have been able to say my God is good - all the time.
Previous: Part 1: Amanda's Story
Next: Part 3: Jenny's Story
Return to Hindsight Series Introduction
------------------------------------------------------
Charissa's Story
1. Please share your story/background briefly (about your journey of infertility and how it ended, where you are now)
John and I were married for 4 years when we just felt it was a good time to start trying for a family. We ended up trying for 3 1/2 years before i got pregnant. My mom got pregnant very easily and I just never had infertility on my radar. I didn't know anyone who had had a hard time trying to conceive personally. Sure I heard stories and prayed for people's prayer requests, but it wasn't really real until it happened to me.
We tried for the year that they suggest to you before you do anything, and nothing. So we both went in for tests and my doctor was not really concerned at that point. I felt that it was a lot of tests, just for them to say, 'eh'. We decided to pursue medical intervention through IUI. My doctor really only recommended three rounds and this what we did for 3 months. Scheduling, shots, and tears were normal during this time. We took a break for a few months and then tried one more IUI round.
The day I got my period and not a pregnancy was the day we also got a call that John's younger sister had gotten pregnant on her wedding night. We called a counselor the next day. It wasn't that I didn't want her to have a baby, it just was supposed to happen to me first! Going to a counselor was one of the best decisions that John and I have made as a married couple. We discussed our families and how we viewed God, and the loss of not being able to have a baby.
We also felt like we were ready for the next step of IVF. I read in one of the many infertility books that sometimes couples can go broke trying for just "one more time", and that it was good to have a limit on what you were willing to do before you started. So we set a limit of one.
It was during this time that I heard our pastor's wife share her personal story of infertility at a women's event. I came blubbering afterwards to talk to her and we met a few months later with a group of others who had struggled with infertility. I was surprised at who all showed up. Couples I knew in passing showed up. Couples who already had babies were there. And I remember bitterly thinking, "They have their babies, why do they struggle anymore?"
God was so gracious during this time. He showed me how much he did love me and cried with me each disappointing month after disappointing month. We used the same doctor as the pastor and his wife, which was unfortunately 2 hours away! John and I used that time to pray, talk, and discuss life. We transplanted two embryos but unfortunately lost one of the babies in month 2.
Gianna Joy was born 6 weeks early in an emergency C-section as she was breech! But God was faithful and our baby girl came home with only 8 days in the hospital. Fast forward 18 months later and we found ourselves going through IVF again. John had amazing insurance that covered IVF, and he was laid off but could still be on COBRA. We had no frozen eggs so we repeated every shot, every pill, and every blood check again! On the day of our retrieval, we had to be relocated for our procedure to Dallas, as our doctor's office was in the direct path of Hurricane Ike. God spared us and this time two embryos are our twins Elizabeth and Cosette. Currently we are days away from Gianna's 6th birthday and Elizabeth and Cosette are 3 1/2.
2. Looking back, how was God at work during your time of waiting for children?
I would say that God used my time of waiting to let me really see how good He is. Even when things were hard - that He still cared for me and my needs, that He cried and held my dreams dear. That He loved me no matter what, and that I needed to love Him no matter what too.
3. Looking back, what would you describe as the purpose for you having to wait for children? In other words, what do you think was the reason(s) you had to wait?
I wish I knew! All I know is that it was totally His timing. Maybe it was so I would be able to identify with so many women and share how a void worked in my life. Maybe it was to bring about greater dependency on Him, or maybe it was just so I could remember when other things have been hard - that I survived and He helped me with the pain once as He will do again.
4. What was the biggest lesson(s) you learned through your journey?
That God is good no matter what.
5. What helped you endure the time of waiting?
Having my husband be in the same place of desperation and longing and dependence on God as I was. We were partners and prayed so so much together. It also helped to have friends that had been through infertility praying for me. And honestly, going to counseling really helped me identify some sin patterns and areas I needed to trust God in, that I don't think I would have ever discovered if not for going through infertility.
6. If you could go back and tell your past self something -- the past self who is in the midst of waiting -- what would you say?
Your life may not ever end up being the daydreams you had in your mind. But God is still good, and you are loved. Time will ease this pain and memory.
7. What were your thoughts/feelings about IVF prior to trying for a family, and how did your struggle affect those feelings?
Ok, honest truth - I judged people who had IVF. I wondered about all that science stuff and if it was really "God's plan." I thought that twins from IVF weren't "real" and somehow cheated. So yup, I am a hypocrite. But when faced with my options I no longer cared. I wanted a baby and felt that if other holy women in my life thought it was ok to do, that I just might be ok with it. We prayed and really put up our own limitations prior to ever walking in the doctor's door. We knew where our lines were and what the number and effort we were willing to do for it. I also flat out told family members that we have prayed about our decisions, and shared some of our reasons for them, but that if they had any problems with IVF to keep them to themselves and to just pray for us. I was blown away by the support from many members of all our families. I also struggled with the "what ifs" about having too many fertilized eggs, but I never had any extra to spare that were of the quality to be frozen. In fact when we decided to do IVF again because of insurance, I had to start completely over with every shot and pill again. God was gracious with us again and the second time we didn't have any eggs that were of the quality to be frozen.
8. Is there anything else you'd like to share?
I truly can't believe how fast time has flown since I cried ugly tears and begged God to give me a baby each and every month. I still pray with a heart that understands when I hear of someone who is struggling with infertility. It's a shared sisterhood of quiet tears. I now know the pain, but I also know God more. Without the struggle, I would have kept God in my box and my plans and my desires. I wouldn't have been able to say my God is good - all the time.
Previous: Part 1: Amanda's Story
Next: Part 3: Jenny's Story
Return to Hindsight Series Introduction
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Hindsight Series, Part 1: Amanda
Our first pair of shoes belongs to Amanda. Amanda and Joey have been married for 5 years, and struggled with infertility for over 3 years before welcoming their daughter, Joni. Please enjoy Amanda's story below. Thank you, Amanda, for taking the time to contribute!
1. Please share your story/background briefly (about your journey of infertility and how it ended, where you are now)
Joey and I surprisingly found out we were pregnant in December of 2008, just a year after we were married. We say surprisingly because we were using birth control at the time, but unfortunately just learned we were expecting right as we were miscarrying. The loss of a baby we weren’t expecting or prepared for affected each of us differently, but profoundly. We decided to stop using birth control in February 2009 and see what the Lord had planned for us. Little did we know that we were what you call “idiopathic infertile” and would have our second miscarriage in January 2010 after trying a round of Clomid, since we had not gotten pregnant since our first loss and wasn’t testing positive for ovulation, followed by our third miscarriage in October 2011 after trying Progesterone cream and regular chiropractic treatments.
Interestingly enough, just two weeks after miscarrying the third time, we became pregnant and got the strongest positive test ever on November 14, 2011. We welcomed our daughter, Joni Elizabeth, into the world with a beautiful natural water birth on July 27, 2012, 1,306 days after the loss of our first precious gift.
To this day, I attribute our fertility success to the use of natural products. Just two months before getting pregnant, Joey and I went on the Maker’s Diet, shedding 20lbs each, and getting my blood sugar in the most level place possible. I researched causes of infertility and natural remedies, taking to a mixture of beliefs. I really focused on diet, knowing that nutrition is key. I gave up gluten, in case I had a gluten sensitivity that could be causing some Celiac disease (causes miscarriages). I also started eating organically and drinking raw milk in an attempt to remove as many preservatives as possible from my diet. We started seeing a Chiropractor as well, who did micronutrient testing on me and put us both on very high quality vitamins. (Highly recommend the micronutrient testing! Call Dr. McCrae at Essential Sport and Wellness in The Woodlands and tell him Amanda told you about this and he’ll order it for you long distance). We found a doctor that 1. Believed we had a problem and didn’t just keep testing my hormones over and over and 2. Who offered affordable solutions that if were unsuccessful, would at least help me feel better as I was. The micronutrient testing showed that I was deficient in a non-essential amino acid that’s only essential during, interestingly enough, DNA replication as it pertains to reproduction. All of our miscarriages were at 5 weeks, which is about when the heart starts beating. My lack of an otherwise useless amino acid was causing our babies to not properly develop to the state of viable pregnancy. God’s design is amazing!
2. Looking back, how was God at work during your time of waiting for children?
I truly think God was wrestling with me in an area I’ve always struggled in -- trusting through everything. I can look back at pivotal moments in my life where there was nothing but disappointment and abandonment. I think God was trying to show me that He blesses us in His timing as it fits according to His plan. I’ve always been in control, or so I thought, as I grew older to try and prevent disappointment from entering my, what I thought was, stable adulthood. Dependence on God is so much more beautiful and freeing than thinking we have everything under control that we don’t need Him. He was trying to show me that He has a plan for me and stop fighting against that plan.
3. Looking back, what would you describe as the purpose for you having to wait for children? In other words, what do you think was the reason(s) you had to wait?
I think I needed to wait for children so that I could really see God working in my life. I think if I would have gotten pregnant so easily, I wouldn’t have been as thankful for my daughter as I am now. It’s so easy to look at things and think, “Look what I did!” God wanted me to say “ALL praise and glory to Him!” I don’t mean that to say I wouldn’t be thankful either, but I think the growth and spiritual maturity that occurs during struggles can be so beautiful in hindsight, and makes us into such better people!
4. What was the biggest lesson(s) you learned through your journey?
I think the biggest lesson I learned was to just trust in the unknown. I think there finally came a point in time where I was so miserable in not being pregnant as I watched 37 (yes, I counted) other couples around us get pregnant and have children throughout our three and a half years of infertility where I just threw my hands up and just cried/screamed “God, I really don’t understand what you’re trying to show me! Could you possibly make it a little clearer, because I don’t think I’m going to figure this one out on my own?!” I had to force myself to listen to KSBJ (which the afternoon show host was pregnant at that time) in hopes I’d hear an inspirational song, read my bible as often as I could and specifically search for passages that would encourage the difficult walk that was laid before me. I learned that trust in the unknown doesn’t mean it’s easy, but rather more so that it takes hard, real, diligent and deliberate work to stay grounded in Christ. Hear me, though, when I say I went off the proverbial deep end before reaching this place, where I was so angry at God and anyone around me that was pregnant, wanting to offer advice, or who wanted to pass judgment upon me for our infertility as if it was a sin that was keeping us from getting pregnant. The enemy is near when we are hurting and wants nothing more than for us to blame God and turn away from Him. I had to learn to cling to Him, even when it was more a choice, rather than an instinct.
5. What helped you endure the time of waiting?
Actively seeking other women/couples that experienced the same thing is what helped the most. Infertility is such a strange beast that I think most people really don’t know how to respond so they end up responding oh so poorly! I had to find people who understood my struggle and who I knew I could feel safe venting/crying/praying with. It’s such an extremely emotional time that there are often times of questioning yourself. How much or how little should I share with people? How should I respond when something unknowingly hurtful is said? Should I feel obligated to go to showers, and will people who don’t understand be mad and not come to my shower later on? My mind would go in crazy places constantly, and knowing I wasn’t alone saved me from crying every time someone asked, "So, do you and your husband want kids?" Something else that someone told me was really helpful. "God wears big boy panties, so He can handle you being angry with Him right now for the hurt you’re feeling, as long as you keep two things in perspective. 1. Be seeking forgiveness for being angry with God and work toward fellowship with Him, even in the midst of your hurt. 2. Don’t forget that He understands your hurt and sent His only Son to die for you."
6. If you could go back and tell your past self something -- the past self who is in the midst of waiting -- what would you say?
God knows you and wants you to be a Mom. It may or may not be your own biological children, but He wouldn’t give you such a strong desire to love another human as a mother and give you such a Godly husband and not let you fulfill that gift in rearing children. Just be patient and learn to fall in love with God during this time.
7. Is there anything else you'd like to share?
I think it’s so extremely important for this topic to be discussed in premarital counseling, to talk about as a couple how they would like to handle things should this come up in their marriage. Infertility is so unexpected, that often times you don’t know how to react to one another, especially if you are lucky enough to get an answer as to why you’re infertile, leaving that party feeling so responsible and blamed. It’s also imperative that you pray about treatment options and only do what you feel comfortable with! Don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment and do something just because a doctor recommended it. Search within yourselves and really think about what treatments line up with your beliefs, what your budget is, what your timeline looks like, etc. Infertility treatment can be so expensive, and the last thing you want is to create financial stress between a husband and wife that are already stressed about infertility when you’re trying to bring a child into a family. Also, remember you became a family when you said, “I do”, not just when a child is introduced. No matter what God has planned, the ultimate goal is for the glory to be given to Him.
Previous: Hindsight Series Introduction
Next: Part 2: Charissa's Story
------------------------------------------------------
Amanda's Story
1. Please share your story/background briefly (about your journey of infertility and how it ended, where you are now)
Joey and I surprisingly found out we were pregnant in December of 2008, just a year after we were married. We say surprisingly because we were using birth control at the time, but unfortunately just learned we were expecting right as we were miscarrying. The loss of a baby we weren’t expecting or prepared for affected each of us differently, but profoundly. We decided to stop using birth control in February 2009 and see what the Lord had planned for us. Little did we know that we were what you call “idiopathic infertile” and would have our second miscarriage in January 2010 after trying a round of Clomid, since we had not gotten pregnant since our first loss and wasn’t testing positive for ovulation, followed by our third miscarriage in October 2011 after trying Progesterone cream and regular chiropractic treatments.
Interestingly enough, just two weeks after miscarrying the third time, we became pregnant and got the strongest positive test ever on November 14, 2011. We welcomed our daughter, Joni Elizabeth, into the world with a beautiful natural water birth on July 27, 2012, 1,306 days after the loss of our first precious gift.
To this day, I attribute our fertility success to the use of natural products. Just two months before getting pregnant, Joey and I went on the Maker’s Diet, shedding 20lbs each, and getting my blood sugar in the most level place possible. I researched causes of infertility and natural remedies, taking to a mixture of beliefs. I really focused on diet, knowing that nutrition is key. I gave up gluten, in case I had a gluten sensitivity that could be causing some Celiac disease (causes miscarriages). I also started eating organically and drinking raw milk in an attempt to remove as many preservatives as possible from my diet. We started seeing a Chiropractor as well, who did micronutrient testing on me and put us both on very high quality vitamins. (Highly recommend the micronutrient testing! Call Dr. McCrae at Essential Sport and Wellness in The Woodlands and tell him Amanda told you about this and he’ll order it for you long distance). We found a doctor that 1. Believed we had a problem and didn’t just keep testing my hormones over and over and 2. Who offered affordable solutions that if were unsuccessful, would at least help me feel better as I was. The micronutrient testing showed that I was deficient in a non-essential amino acid that’s only essential during, interestingly enough, DNA replication as it pertains to reproduction. All of our miscarriages were at 5 weeks, which is about when the heart starts beating. My lack of an otherwise useless amino acid was causing our babies to not properly develop to the state of viable pregnancy. God’s design is amazing!
2. Looking back, how was God at work during your time of waiting for children?
I truly think God was wrestling with me in an area I’ve always struggled in -- trusting through everything. I can look back at pivotal moments in my life where there was nothing but disappointment and abandonment. I think God was trying to show me that He blesses us in His timing as it fits according to His plan. I’ve always been in control, or so I thought, as I grew older to try and prevent disappointment from entering my, what I thought was, stable adulthood. Dependence on God is so much more beautiful and freeing than thinking we have everything under control that we don’t need Him. He was trying to show me that He has a plan for me and stop fighting against that plan.
3. Looking back, what would you describe as the purpose for you having to wait for children? In other words, what do you think was the reason(s) you had to wait?
I think I needed to wait for children so that I could really see God working in my life. I think if I would have gotten pregnant so easily, I wouldn’t have been as thankful for my daughter as I am now. It’s so easy to look at things and think, “Look what I did!” God wanted me to say “ALL praise and glory to Him!” I don’t mean that to say I wouldn’t be thankful either, but I think the growth and spiritual maturity that occurs during struggles can be so beautiful in hindsight, and makes us into such better people!
4. What was the biggest lesson(s) you learned through your journey?
I think the biggest lesson I learned was to just trust in the unknown. I think there finally came a point in time where I was so miserable in not being pregnant as I watched 37 (yes, I counted) other couples around us get pregnant and have children throughout our three and a half years of infertility where I just threw my hands up and just cried/screamed “God, I really don’t understand what you’re trying to show me! Could you possibly make it a little clearer, because I don’t think I’m going to figure this one out on my own?!” I had to force myself to listen to KSBJ (which the afternoon show host was pregnant at that time) in hopes I’d hear an inspirational song, read my bible as often as I could and specifically search for passages that would encourage the difficult walk that was laid before me. I learned that trust in the unknown doesn’t mean it’s easy, but rather more so that it takes hard, real, diligent and deliberate work to stay grounded in Christ. Hear me, though, when I say I went off the proverbial deep end before reaching this place, where I was so angry at God and anyone around me that was pregnant, wanting to offer advice, or who wanted to pass judgment upon me for our infertility as if it was a sin that was keeping us from getting pregnant. The enemy is near when we are hurting and wants nothing more than for us to blame God and turn away from Him. I had to learn to cling to Him, even when it was more a choice, rather than an instinct.
5. What helped you endure the time of waiting?
Actively seeking other women/couples that experienced the same thing is what helped the most. Infertility is such a strange beast that I think most people really don’t know how to respond so they end up responding oh so poorly! I had to find people who understood my struggle and who I knew I could feel safe venting/crying/praying with. It’s such an extremely emotional time that there are often times of questioning yourself. How much or how little should I share with people? How should I respond when something unknowingly hurtful is said? Should I feel obligated to go to showers, and will people who don’t understand be mad and not come to my shower later on? My mind would go in crazy places constantly, and knowing I wasn’t alone saved me from crying every time someone asked, "So, do you and your husband want kids?" Something else that someone told me was really helpful. "God wears big boy panties, so He can handle you being angry with Him right now for the hurt you’re feeling, as long as you keep two things in perspective. 1. Be seeking forgiveness for being angry with God and work toward fellowship with Him, even in the midst of your hurt. 2. Don’t forget that He understands your hurt and sent His only Son to die for you."
6. If you could go back and tell your past self something -- the past self who is in the midst of waiting -- what would you say?
God knows you and wants you to be a Mom. It may or may not be your own biological children, but He wouldn’t give you such a strong desire to love another human as a mother and give you such a Godly husband and not let you fulfill that gift in rearing children. Just be patient and learn to fall in love with God during this time.
7. Is there anything else you'd like to share?
I think it’s so extremely important for this topic to be discussed in premarital counseling, to talk about as a couple how they would like to handle things should this come up in their marriage. Infertility is so unexpected, that often times you don’t know how to react to one another, especially if you are lucky enough to get an answer as to why you’re infertile, leaving that party feeling so responsible and blamed. It’s also imperative that you pray about treatment options and only do what you feel comfortable with! Don’t let your emotions cloud your judgment and do something just because a doctor recommended it. Search within yourselves and really think about what treatments line up with your beliefs, what your budget is, what your timeline looks like, etc. Infertility treatment can be so expensive, and the last thing you want is to create financial stress between a husband and wife that are already stressed about infertility when you’re trying to bring a child into a family. Also, remember you became a family when you said, “I do”, not just when a child is introduced. No matter what God has planned, the ultimate goal is for the glory to be given to Him.
Previous: Hindsight Series Introduction
Next: Part 2: Charissa's Story
Monday, March 4, 2013
Hindsight Series
As I previously promised, I will begin blogging tomorrow a 4-part series about hindsight. Each of the 4 posts will feature one woman. But not just any woman...a woman who at one point in her life was right where I am today. Waiting patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) for the Lord to answer her prayers and deepest heart's desire to grow her family. A woman who knows what it feels like to wait on the Lord's perfect timing. A woman who knows what each month's disappointment feels like. A woman who has a scar from all the knife-probing questions and insensitive comments from others. A woman who had her fair share of tears, doubts, fears, and frustrations. A woman who was familiar with years of waiting, doctor's appointments, infertility treatments, or adoption papers.
But the special thing about each woman is that all of the pain and anxiety associated with the struggles above is now over. They are now on the other side. Each woman is now past the chapter of infertility in their lives. Each woman now sees, looking into the eyes of each of her children, that all of the tears and heartache was worth the wait. They now see clearly why God had them wait to receive each child: because God wanted them to receive their specific child, who has a very special purpose.
So beginning tomorrow, and for the next four days, let's allow ourselves to step into the shoes of another. To hear her story, and reap of the wisdom and life lessons that each learned as a result of their struggle. Let's take a sneak peak at the other side.
Part 1: Amanda's Story
Part 2: Charissa's Story
Part 3: Jenny's Story
Part 4: Sonia's Story
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Elizabeth Series - Part III
Today I will conclude my three-part series about the story of Elizabeth.
The full story of
Elizabeth can be read in Luke 1:5-80. This series is part of the larger
grouping of blog posts that have been labeled the Commonness
of Barrenness, a label I refer to as I learn about women in the Bible
who struggled with infertility. One such woman, Elizabeth, is a great
example in many ways. I'm proud to say my middle name is Elizabeth, so,
you know, we have that in common too. :)
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Part III: The Impossible
Please read Luke 1:5-80.
When life gets hard, it's easy to feel hopelessness. Defeated. Accepting that you're stuck with the impossible. That you'll never get out of this tough place. That you'll never see the other side of this mountain in your path. Beth Moore says that hopelessness is choosing to believe the evil one's report over God's truths. Have you experienced this? What does this look like?
Whenever you're feeling doubt.
Whenever you're feeling alone.
Whenever you're on the verge of giving up.
Don't believe those lies. They are nothing more than lies and snares, hoping to snatch you up and off the path God wants you to be on. Don't let the enemy lure you. Take the extra step, and expect Satan to try to lure you. Be ready for it. Trust me, it's coming if it's not already at your doorstep.
When you are faced with the impossible, when it feels like no matter what, there's just no way you'll get past this obstacle, what should you do?
Seek God. Flee from the enemy and run into His arms. More importantly, have faith, and never give up the hope you can most assuredly claim as yours.
Romans 15:13
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
What is faith?
Hebrews 11:1-3
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.
I encourage you to read all of Hebrews 11, as it lists example after example of people of faith. (My favorite of course is Sarah in verse 11.) But ultimately, we should follow the Perfect Example:
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
So with regard to infertility, and having faith when faced with the impossible, I'd like to discuss two examples in the Bible. First, Sarah. God visited and told Abraham that he and Sarah would conceive and bear a son. Sarah overheard this, and scoffed and laughed at hearing this "impossible" prediction. After all, she was old. She was well past the childbearing age. How could that possibly be true?
Genesis 18:13-15
13 And the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, saying, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, when I am so old?' 14 Is anything too difficult for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son." 15 Sarah denied it however, saying, "I did not laugh"; for she was afraid. And He said, "No, but you did laugh."
I love how Sarah denied her sinful response of doubt, and God called her out on it. This dialogue reminds me of the God-equivalent of children's "Nuh-uh!" and "Yeah-huh!" Don't get me wrong, I've been buried in the depths of defeat and doubt, totally convinced that I was facing the impossible and nothing and no one could change that. But Sarah (or anyone) is foolish to think that she could hide her true feelings from the Lord. He knows your heart, so don't bother trying to deny your true feelings. In fact, if you're struggling with doubt when facing the impossible, the first step may be to pray to the Lord and admit you're feeling that way. Own up to it. Faith can begin to grow from that moment of brokenness.
So let's look at another example, Mary. This time, an angel appeared before Mary and told her -- a virgin -- that she would conceive and bear a son, and that son would be called the Son of the Most High God. Now me, being of much less faith than Mary, would have heard that and probably scoffed even more than Sarah did. I might have even used the word, "Impossible!" But Mary, gosh, it's no wonder God chose her to be the mother of Jesus. Look how she responds to this "impossible" situation.
Luke 1:34-38
34 Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" 35 The angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; and for that reason the holy Child shall be called the Son of God. 36 And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. 37 For nothing will be impossible with God." 38 And Mary said, "Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.
Mary questioned this prediction, but she didn't scoff at it or doubt it, only asked how could that happen. Once it was explained to her, she faithfully believes the angel in verse 38.
And I love how the angel refers to Mary's relative, Elizabeth, who had formerly faced the impossible of being told that she, a barren woman, would conceive and bear a son who would be named John. The angel uses both the prediction of the virgin Mary becoming pregnant and that her formerly barren relative is now in her sixth month of pregnancy to support his claim in verse 37, that nothing will be impossible with God.
So what about Zacharias? In Luke 1:8-23, Zacharias was told by an angel that Elizabeth would become pregnant and bear a son named John. Zacharias questioned the angel like this:
Luke 1:18-20
18 Zacharias said to the angel, "How will I know this for certain? For I am an old man and my wife is advanced in years." 19 The angel answered and said to him, "I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to bring you this good news. 20 And behold, you shall be silent and unable to speak until the day when these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their proper time."
What's the difference here? Why would Zacharias be silenced by the angel until John was born and Mary was not?
Mary asked: "How can this be, since I am a virgin?"
Zacharias asked: "How will I know this for certain? For I am an old man and my wife is advanced in years."
At this point, I can only speculate because I'm not an advanced theologian. (Shocking, I know.) But I suspect that Mary's question was asked with a purer heart, free of doubt, just full of curiosity. Whereas Zacharias seemed to demand proof. Like he wanted the angel to prove to him that his words were true. It's like in John 4:48 when Jesus seemed irritated that people demanded miracles in order to believe. Jesus said, "Unless you people see signs and wonders, you simply will not believe."
We talked yesterday about how when Elizabeth was given the impossible, she responded with thankfulness and complete humbleness. Look how faithful the six-months-pregnant Elizabeth responded when her virgin relative, Mary, came over for a visit early in her (Mary's) pregnancy.
Luke 1:39-45
39 Now at this time Mary arose and went in a hurry to the hill country, to a city of Judah, 40 and entered the house of Zacharias and greeted Elizabeth. 41 When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. 42 And she cried out with a loud voice and said, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! 43 And how has it happened to me, that the mother of my Lord would come to me? 44 For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy. 45 And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."
There's not a shred of doubt in Elizabeth's words. Not a single, "Woah, Mary, I thought you were a virgin, how is it that you're pregnant??" Complete faith and thankfulness at the Lord's power. I think Elizabeth, who had previously been faced with the impossible, and likely tempted by the evil one to doubt in God's power, instead chose to believe God's truths.
She believed with all her heart that she worshiped the One True God. The Most High God. The God of miracles. The God of the impossible. Who specializes in the impossible. A God so filled with power to create the universe and to conceive a child in a virgin's womb. To conceive a child in a barren woman's womb. And this was all before Jesus lived and performed miracles. She knew the truth. And so should we.
Matthew 17:20
And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."
Matthew 21:21
And Jesus answered and said to them, "Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen."
Mark 9:23
And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes."
Mark 11:22-23
And Jesus answered saying to them, "Have faith in God. Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him."
Luke 17:6
And the Lord said, "If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and be planted in the sea'; and it would obey you."
Luke 18:27
But He said, "The things that are impossible with people are possible with God."
Always have faith, believing and trusting in God's power, knowing that He can make the impossible possible, if He chooses to according to His will.
Philippians 4:4-9
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Love & Hope,
Christine
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Part III: The Impossible
Please read Luke 1:5-80.
When life gets hard, it's easy to feel hopelessness. Defeated. Accepting that you're stuck with the impossible. That you'll never get out of this tough place. That you'll never see the other side of this mountain in your path. Beth Moore says that hopelessness is choosing to believe the evil one's report over God's truths. Have you experienced this? What does this look like?
Whenever you're feeling doubt.
Whenever you're feeling alone.
Whenever you're on the verge of giving up.
Don't believe those lies. They are nothing more than lies and snares, hoping to snatch you up and off the path God wants you to be on. Don't let the enemy lure you. Take the extra step, and expect Satan to try to lure you. Be ready for it. Trust me, it's coming if it's not already at your doorstep.
When you are faced with the impossible, when it feels like no matter what, there's just no way you'll get past this obstacle, what should you do?
Seek God. Flee from the enemy and run into His arms. More importantly, have faith, and never give up the hope you can most assuredly claim as yours.
Romans 15:13
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
What is faith?
Hebrews 11:1-3
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old gained approval. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things which are visible.
I encourage you to read all of Hebrews 11, as it lists example after example of people of faith. (My favorite of course is Sarah in verse 11.) But ultimately, we should follow the Perfect Example:
Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
So with regard to infertility, and having faith when faced with the impossible, I'd like to discuss two examples in the Bible. First, Sarah. God visited and told Abraham that he and Sarah would conceive and bear a son. Sarah overheard this, and scoffed and laughed at hearing this "impossible" prediction. After all, she was old. She was well past the childbearing age. How could that possibly be true?
Genesis 18:13-15
13 And the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, saying, 'Shall I indeed bear a child, when I am so old?' 14 Is anything too difficult for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, at this time next year, and Sarah will have a son." 15 Sarah denied it however, saying, "I did not laugh"; for she was afraid. And He said, "No, but you did laugh."
I love how Sarah denied her sinful response of doubt, and God called her out on it. This dialogue reminds me of the God-equivalent of children's "Nuh-uh!" and "Yeah-huh!" Don't get me wrong, I've been buried in the depths of defeat and doubt, totally convinced that I was facing the impossible and nothing and no one could change that. But Sarah (or anyone) is foolish to think that she could hide her true feelings from the Lord. He knows your heart, so don't bother trying to deny your true feelings. In fact, if you're struggling with doubt when facing the impossible, the first step may be to pray to the Lord and admit you're feeling that way. Own up to it. Faith can begin to grow from that moment of brokenness.
So let's look at another example, Mary. This time, an angel appeared before Mary and told her -- a virgin -- that she would conceive and bear a son, and that son would be called the Son of the Most High God. Now me, being of much less faith than Mary, would have heard that and probably scoffed even more than Sarah did. I might have even used the word, "Impossible!" But Mary, gosh, it's no wonder God chose her to be the mother of Jesus. Look how she responds to this "impossible" situation.
Luke 1:34-38
34 Mary said to the angel, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" 35 The angel answered and said to her, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; and for that reason the holy Child shall be called the Son of God. 36 And behold, even your relative Elizabeth has also conceived a son in her old age; and she who was called barren is now in her sixth month. 37 For nothing will be impossible with God." 38 And Mary said, "Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word." And the angel departed from her.
Mary questioned this prediction, but she didn't scoff at it or doubt it, only asked how could that happen. Once it was explained to her, she faithfully believes the angel in verse 38.
And I love how the angel refers to Mary's relative, Elizabeth, who had formerly faced the impossible of being told that she, a barren woman, would conceive and bear a son who would be named John. The angel uses both the prediction of the virgin Mary becoming pregnant and that her formerly barren relative is now in her sixth month of pregnancy to support his claim in verse 37, that nothing will be impossible with God.
So what about Zacharias? In Luke 1:8-23, Zacharias was told by an angel that Elizabeth would become pregnant and bear a son named John. Zacharias questioned the angel like this:
Luke 1:18-20
18 Zacharias said to the angel, "How will I know this for certain? For I am an old man and my wife is advanced in years." 19 The angel answered and said to him, "I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to bring you this good news. 20 And behold, you shall be silent and unable to speak until the day when these things take place, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their proper time."
What's the difference here? Why would Zacharias be silenced by the angel until John was born and Mary was not?
Mary asked: "How can this be, since I am a virgin?"
Zacharias asked: "How will I know this for certain? For I am an old man and my wife is advanced in years."
At this point, I can only speculate because I'm not an advanced theologian. (Shocking, I know.) But I suspect that Mary's question was asked with a purer heart, free of doubt, just full of curiosity. Whereas Zacharias seemed to demand proof. Like he wanted the angel to prove to him that his words were true. It's like in John 4:48 when Jesus seemed irritated that people demanded miracles in order to believe. Jesus said, "Unless you people see signs and wonders, you simply will not believe."
We talked yesterday about how when Elizabeth was given the impossible, she responded with thankfulness and complete humbleness. Look how faithful the six-months-pregnant Elizabeth responded when her virgin relative, Mary, came over for a visit early in her (Mary's) pregnancy.
Luke 1:39-45
39 Now at this time Mary arose and went in a hurry to the hill country, to a city of Judah, 40 and entered the house of Zacharias and greeted Elizabeth. 41 When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. 42 And she cried out with a loud voice and said, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! 43 And how has it happened to me, that the mother of my Lord would come to me? 44 For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy. 45 And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."
There's not a shred of doubt in Elizabeth's words. Not a single, "Woah, Mary, I thought you were a virgin, how is it that you're pregnant??" Complete faith and thankfulness at the Lord's power. I think Elizabeth, who had previously been faced with the impossible, and likely tempted by the evil one to doubt in God's power, instead chose to believe God's truths.
She believed with all her heart that she worshiped the One True God. The Most High God. The God of miracles. The God of the impossible. Who specializes in the impossible. A God so filled with power to create the universe and to conceive a child in a virgin's womb. To conceive a child in a barren woman's womb. And this was all before Jesus lived and performed miracles. She knew the truth. And so should we.
Matthew 17:20
And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."
Matthew 21:21
And Jesus answered and said to them, "Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' it will happen."
Mark 9:23
And Jesus said to him, " 'If You can?' All things are possible to him who believes."
Mark 11:22-23
And Jesus answered saying to them, "Have faith in God. Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be taken up and cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be granted him."
Luke 17:6
And the Lord said, "If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and be planted in the sea'; and it would obey you."
Luke 18:27
But He said, "The things that are impossible with people are possible with God."
Always have faith, believing and trusting in God's power, knowing that He can make the impossible possible, if He chooses to according to His will.
Philippians 4:4-9
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Love & Hope,
Christine
Friday, October 12, 2012
Elizabeth Series - Part II
Today I will continue in my three-part series about the story of Elizabeth. The full story of
Elizabeth can be read in Luke 1:5-80. This series is part of the larger grouping of blog posts that have been labeled the Commonness
of Barrenness, a label I refer to as I learn about women in the Bible
who struggled with infertility. One such woman, Elizabeth, is a great
example in many ways. I'm proud to say my middle name is Elizabeth, so,
you know, we have that in common too. :)
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Part II: Humbleness
Please read Luke 1:24-25; 39-56.
Imagine that you are Elizabeth. You are a woman and wife. You are older in age. You have spent your married life, and probably more, longing for a child of your own. In your society, it's expected to bear children. It's a show of God's blessing upon you. It's a show of womanhood. It's a right of passage. It's customary. Imagine the embarrassment you would feel at social events as you are expected to have children, but you do not have any. As you see many other women with one, two, three, or more children, but you do not even have one. For a reason you do not know, you spend year after year after year, growing older and older, watching other women bear children, but not you. As you age, you watch as the childbearing group of women become younger and younger compared to you. The gap between you begins to widen. With each passing year. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. You love the Lord with all your heart, but ache with a deep desire to become a mother too. To love and to hold your precious little one. To have the chance.
And then one day, you become pregnant. The day you have hoped for. The day you have prayed for. The day your heart has longed for finally arrives.
What would you do?
I think for many, myself included, the temptation or reflex response is to shout it from a mountain top. To parade around town and show everyone, "Look! Look what I finally have! You people can no longer make me feel shame, for I am now one of you!"
But what does Elizabeth do? She remained in seclusion.
Luke 1:24
After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion.
It says here that she remained in seclusion for five months. As you will see in the next few verses, the five months was mentioned because Luke writes about an event that takes place while Elizabeth was six months pregnant. It says later in verse 58 that "Her neighbors and her relatives heard that the Lord had displayed His great mercy toward her; and they were rejoicing with her." This implies that she continued to remain in seclusion for the duration of her pregnancy.
Why would she remain in seclusion, after waiting so long to experience this joyous event? Was she ungrateful, or bitter about having to wait so long?
Luke 1:25
"The Lord has done this for me," she said. "In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people."
Nope. Clearly she saw this pregnancy as a favor bestowed from the Lord. She recognized that she would no longer feel disgrace from among her people. So why hide yourself from the people?
And why in verses 39-45 would she direct all the focus on her relative Mary (as in Jesus' mother who was pregnant at the time of her visit with the now pregnant Elizabeth), and Mary's pregnancy, instead of her own pregnancy? I mean, Elizabeth surely could have expressed praise over Mary's miraculous conception and pregnancy, and then also express praise about her own pregnancy...so why did Elizabeth behave in this way?
My opinion? Elizabeth may well serve as an example of the most humble woman in the Bible. She is described early on in Luke 1:6 as being a righteous woman. But every way that Elizabeth is described and every thing Elizabeth says after that point portrays her as an incredibly humble, and thankful woman.
She was so thankful to God for answering her prayer. But she chose not to be prideful about it. She chose not to make an idol out of her pregnancy or her baby. She chose not to parade around town flaunting her newfound grace among the people. Remember how much pressure there was in that time to bear children, and the likely shame and disgrace Elizabeth and other barren women must have felt. It's amazing that she so strongly desired to have a child, and when she finally received that desire, she was so humble as to remain in seclusion and just bask in God's goodness in solitude.
What an example!
I hope I have a chance one day to respond the same way Elizabeth did. I don't think I can realistically remain in seclusion, never leaving my house for nine months, but I strive to keep her example as my heart's attitude. I wrote a previous blog post similar to this topic. I know that even in our society today, there is so much attention given to pregnant women. It is still very much considered a right of passage to becoming a woman. I strive to remain humble if I am given the opportunity to become pregnant.
For you women who become pregnant one day, please follow Elizabeth's example, even if you did not have to wait as long as she did to become pregnant. Remember that it's a lie to believe that you had anything to do with becoming pregnant. Sure, you're carrying the child, and you were the vessel to receive your husband's seed, but ultimately it is only God alone who chose to grow a human life in your womb. Choose humbleness over pride. Use the attention you will surely receive to be humble and express praise to God and others around you. That is true beauty.
And I'd like to say a little something special to any husbands reading this. I believe that you men are included in this story. It's not just your wives who will receive the attention from society if she becomes pregnant. I have seen and heard many husbands proclaim that they impregnated their wives. Are you sure about that? No, don't go out and demand a paternity test...what I mean is that yes, you contributed the seed, you consist of half the genetic makeup. But you did not cause the pregnancy to occur. Only God creates a life. It's prideful to think that you and "your powerful boys" accomplished this task, made this field goal, or scored this run. Try to reject the temptation to feel pumped up with your own self-power and remember that God is the one and only giver of life, both physical and spiritual. You too can learn from Elizabeth's example to not flaunt your "power to impregnate" in front of your friends. Choose humbleness over pride.
I'll leave you with a repeated verse from yesterday's Part I post, and parts of Mary's praises to God during her visit with Elizabeth:
1 Corinthians 3:7
So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.
Luke 1:47-52 (Mary speaking)
47 My soul exalts the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
48 For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave;
For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.
49 For the Mighty One has done great things for me;
And holy is His name.
50 And His mercy is upon generation after generation
Toward those who fear Him.
51 He has done mighty deeds with His arm;
He has scattered those who were proud in the thoughts of their heart.
52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones,
And has exalted those who were humble.
To be concluded...
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Part II: Humbleness
Please read Luke 1:24-25; 39-56.
Imagine that you are Elizabeth. You are a woman and wife. You are older in age. You have spent your married life, and probably more, longing for a child of your own. In your society, it's expected to bear children. It's a show of God's blessing upon you. It's a show of womanhood. It's a right of passage. It's customary. Imagine the embarrassment you would feel at social events as you are expected to have children, but you do not have any. As you see many other women with one, two, three, or more children, but you do not even have one. For a reason you do not know, you spend year after year after year, growing older and older, watching other women bear children, but not you. As you age, you watch as the childbearing group of women become younger and younger compared to you. The gap between you begins to widen. With each passing year. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. You love the Lord with all your heart, but ache with a deep desire to become a mother too. To love and to hold your precious little one. To have the chance.
And then one day, you become pregnant. The day you have hoped for. The day you have prayed for. The day your heart has longed for finally arrives.
What would you do?
I think for many, myself included, the temptation or reflex response is to shout it from a mountain top. To parade around town and show everyone, "Look! Look what I finally have! You people can no longer make me feel shame, for I am now one of you!"
But what does Elizabeth do? She remained in seclusion.
Luke 1:24
After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion.
It says here that she remained in seclusion for five months. As you will see in the next few verses, the five months was mentioned because Luke writes about an event that takes place while Elizabeth was six months pregnant. It says later in verse 58 that "Her neighbors and her relatives heard that the Lord had displayed His great mercy toward her; and they were rejoicing with her." This implies that she continued to remain in seclusion for the duration of her pregnancy.
Why would she remain in seclusion, after waiting so long to experience this joyous event? Was she ungrateful, or bitter about having to wait so long?
Luke 1:25
"The Lord has done this for me," she said. "In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people."
Nope. Clearly she saw this pregnancy as a favor bestowed from the Lord. She recognized that she would no longer feel disgrace from among her people. So why hide yourself from the people?
And why in verses 39-45 would she direct all the focus on her relative Mary (as in Jesus' mother who was pregnant at the time of her visit with the now pregnant Elizabeth), and Mary's pregnancy, instead of her own pregnancy? I mean, Elizabeth surely could have expressed praise over Mary's miraculous conception and pregnancy, and then also express praise about her own pregnancy...so why did Elizabeth behave in this way?
My opinion? Elizabeth may well serve as an example of the most humble woman in the Bible. She is described early on in Luke 1:6 as being a righteous woman. But every way that Elizabeth is described and every thing Elizabeth says after that point portrays her as an incredibly humble, and thankful woman.
She was so thankful to God for answering her prayer. But she chose not to be prideful about it. She chose not to make an idol out of her pregnancy or her baby. She chose not to parade around town flaunting her newfound grace among the people. Remember how much pressure there was in that time to bear children, and the likely shame and disgrace Elizabeth and other barren women must have felt. It's amazing that she so strongly desired to have a child, and when she finally received that desire, she was so humble as to remain in seclusion and just bask in God's goodness in solitude.
What an example!
I hope I have a chance one day to respond the same way Elizabeth did. I don't think I can realistically remain in seclusion, never leaving my house for nine months, but I strive to keep her example as my heart's attitude. I wrote a previous blog post similar to this topic. I know that even in our society today, there is so much attention given to pregnant women. It is still very much considered a right of passage to becoming a woman. I strive to remain humble if I am given the opportunity to become pregnant.
For you women who become pregnant one day, please follow Elizabeth's example, even if you did not have to wait as long as she did to become pregnant. Remember that it's a lie to believe that you had anything to do with becoming pregnant. Sure, you're carrying the child, and you were the vessel to receive your husband's seed, but ultimately it is only God alone who chose to grow a human life in your womb. Choose humbleness over pride. Use the attention you will surely receive to be humble and express praise to God and others around you. That is true beauty.
And I'd like to say a little something special to any husbands reading this. I believe that you men are included in this story. It's not just your wives who will receive the attention from society if she becomes pregnant. I have seen and heard many husbands proclaim that they impregnated their wives. Are you sure about that? No, don't go out and demand a paternity test...what I mean is that yes, you contributed the seed, you consist of half the genetic makeup. But you did not cause the pregnancy to occur. Only God creates a life. It's prideful to think that you and "your powerful boys" accomplished this task, made this field goal, or scored this run. Try to reject the temptation to feel pumped up with your own self-power and remember that God is the one and only giver of life, both physical and spiritual. You too can learn from Elizabeth's example to not flaunt your "power to impregnate" in front of your friends. Choose humbleness over pride.
I'll leave you with a repeated verse from yesterday's Part I post, and parts of Mary's praises to God during her visit with Elizabeth:
1 Corinthians 3:7
So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.
Luke 1:47-52 (Mary speaking)
47 My soul exalts the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
48 For He has had regard for the humble state of His bondslave;
For behold, from this time on all generations will count me blessed.
49 For the Mighty One has done great things for me;
And holy is His name.
50 And His mercy is upon generation after generation
Toward those who fear Him.
51 He has done mighty deeds with His arm;
He has scattered those who were proud in the thoughts of their heart.
52 He has brought down rulers from their thrones,
And has exalted those who were humble.
To be concluded...
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Elizabeth Series - Part I
Today I want to continue adding to my blog label about the Commonness of Barrenness, a label I refer to as I learn about women in the Bible who struggled with infertility. One such woman, Elizabeth, is a great example in many ways. I'm proud to say my middle name is Elizabeth, so, you know, we have that in common too. :)
The full story of Elizabeth can be read in Luke 1:5-80. I will focus on three related, but different topics from this passage across a three-part series, so stay tuned for Parts II and III.
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Part I: Proper Time
Please read Luke 1:5-24.
The overall theme of today's post is that God has designed a proper time for everything in His plan. Sometimes events are not impacting enough to warrant any notice or deviation between God's plans and our own plans. I don't think my choosing to wear black shoes today instead of brown shoes falls under the spectrum of "universal impact".
But a life, especially a human life, always has a universal impact. If God numbers the very hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30; Luke 12:7), surely you can see how valuable, precious, and important every single life is.
Which is why there is a proper time for everything, according to God's perfect plan. We cannot rush this process. We cannot rush God's timing. We cannot change God's plan. If you are longing for a child, you must wait until the proper time.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8; 11-15
1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.
11 He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.
12 I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one’s lifetime; 13 moreover, that every man who eats and drinks sees good in all his labor—it is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him. 15 That which is has been already and that which will be has already been, for God seeks what has passed by.
Be encouraged by this, instead of discouraged. If you are longing for a child, I believe God has a specific plan for you. I believe that for Michael and me, God has a particular, special child chosen just for us. He has a specific plan for that child, and we simply cannot begin that chapter of our lives until it's the proper time. A life must fit into God's overall plan, which is why He is the one and only Creator of all life.
1 Corinthians 3:7
So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.
In the story of Elizabeth, God had a very specific plan for her son. So specific that when the angel of the Lord visited Zacharias, he said they should name him John. God cared so specifically about this pre-conceived child, that even the smallest detail of what his name should be did not escape His concern. His name was to be John. And if you skip ahead to verses 57-66, family and friends attempted to name this child something else, but Zacharias and Elizabeth insisted on naming their son John. And lo and behold, John had a very special purpose to fulfill in God's plan: he was the "The voice of one crying in the wilderness, 'Make ready the way of the Lord, Make His paths straight.'" John the Baptist.
Every human life is sacred and special. Every life has a purpose, and all lives must wait until a proper time. Sometimes two parents begin attempts to conceive and that just so happens to line up with God's proper time. Other times, as in our case, it is not yet God's proper time. We, as human beings, limited beings, are not meant to fully understand the ways of God.
That's where faith comes in.
Michael and I have faith that our desire to have children is a godly desire. And we have faith that God will answer that desire someday, somehow. As my friend Jessica so eloquently said to me, we don't believe it's a matter "if we will have children or not". We believe it's a matter of "will we have biological children, or children through other means". In other words, it's not a question of "if", but "how and when".
As I strive to do everyday, try your hardest, through the power of God's strength, to be patient for the proper time.
To be continued...
The full story of Elizabeth can be read in Luke 1:5-80. I will focus on three related, but different topics from this passage across a three-part series, so stay tuned for Parts II and III.
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Part I: Proper Time
Please read Luke 1:5-24.
The overall theme of today's post is that God has designed a proper time for everything in His plan. Sometimes events are not impacting enough to warrant any notice or deviation between God's plans and our own plans. I don't think my choosing to wear black shoes today instead of brown shoes falls under the spectrum of "universal impact".
But a life, especially a human life, always has a universal impact. If God numbers the very hairs on your head (Matthew 10:30; Luke 12:7), surely you can see how valuable, precious, and important every single life is.
Which is why there is a proper time for everything, according to God's perfect plan. We cannot rush this process. We cannot rush God's timing. We cannot change God's plan. If you are longing for a child, you must wait until the proper time.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8; 11-15
1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.
11 He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.
12 I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one’s lifetime; 13 moreover, that every man who eats and drinks sees good in all his labor—it is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him. 15 That which is has been already and that which will be has already been, for God seeks what has passed by.
Be encouraged by this, instead of discouraged. If you are longing for a child, I believe God has a specific plan for you. I believe that for Michael and me, God has a particular, special child chosen just for us. He has a specific plan for that child, and we simply cannot begin that chapter of our lives until it's the proper time. A life must fit into God's overall plan, which is why He is the one and only Creator of all life.
1 Corinthians 3:7
So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth.
In the story of Elizabeth, God had a very specific plan for her son. So specific that when the angel of the Lord visited Zacharias, he said they should name him John. God cared so specifically about this pre-conceived child, that even the smallest detail of what his name should be did not escape His concern. His name was to be John. And if you skip ahead to verses 57-66, family and friends attempted to name this child something else, but Zacharias and Elizabeth insisted on naming their son John. And lo and behold, John had a very special purpose to fulfill in God's plan: he was the "The voice of one crying in the wilderness, 'Make ready the way of the Lord, Make His paths straight.'" John the Baptist.
Every human life is sacred and special. Every life has a purpose, and all lives must wait until a proper time. Sometimes two parents begin attempts to conceive and that just so happens to line up with God's proper time. Other times, as in our case, it is not yet God's proper time. We, as human beings, limited beings, are not meant to fully understand the ways of God.
That's where faith comes in.
Michael and I have faith that our desire to have children is a godly desire. And we have faith that God will answer that desire someday, somehow. As my friend Jessica so eloquently said to me, we don't believe it's a matter "if we will have children or not". We believe it's a matter of "will we have biological children, or children through other means". In other words, it's not a question of "if", but "how and when".
As I strive to do everyday, try your hardest, through the power of God's strength, to be patient for the proper time.
To be continued...
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Hospitality
In continuing through my Bible-reading plan, I read about the Shunammite woman in 2 Kings 4:8-37. At the time, Elisha the prophet was at work prophesying for the Lord as he traveled around the land. This story is about a Shunammite woman, who I'm assuming was barren even though it doesn't explicitly say she was barren, and how her kindness and hospitality allowed her to receive the blessing of a child.
The story says that every time that Elisha and his servant would pass through the Shunammite's territory, the Shunammite woman would request that Elisha and his servant come and allow her to serve them a meal. After a few times of this, the Shunammite woman asked her husband if she could prepare a guest room for Elisha and his servant to stay in whenever they passed through because she knew he was a man of the Lord. So the husband consented, and Elisha and his servant stayed in the guest room prepared for them whenever they passed through.
While staying with the Shunammite couple, Elisha was overcome with gratitude for the woman's hospitality and asked his servant to inquire what Elisha could do for her to make it up to her. The servant asked the woman, but she did not ask for anything in return. But the servant observed that the couple had no children and went and told Elisha that she has no son and her husband is very old (implying that she too is very old, past childbearing age). So Elisha told the woman that by the same time next year, she would embrace her son. So the woman conceived and she bore a son.
When the child was grown up a bit, the child became ill and died. The woman placed the boy in the bed Elisha slept in in their home, and then she immediately traveled to where Elisha and his servant were at the time. Elisha returned with the Shunammite to her home to help the boy, and God worked a miracle through Elisha by reviving the boy.
This story made me think of two applicable points: (1) Serving the Lord with a joyful heart is always the right thing to do; and (2) The pain and suffering you experience with infertility doesn't necessarily end once you have a child.
Serving the Lord
Not much is said about this woman, so I may be stretching it here, but I would assume that if this woman did not have a son for most of her life, she was probably sad and disappointed about this. She probably had a desire to be a mother, and wondered why she couldn't.
But she didn't let that sadness affect her ability to serve the Lord and those chosen by the Lord. She served joyfully. She served thoroughly. She served as much as she could in as many ways as she could think of. Serving meals to Elisha and his servant wasn't good enough in her mind. She knew she could do more to help.
The way I apply this to my own life is how I often allow myself to get into a mental rut associated with our routine life. I get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to bed. Sure, there is more to it some days. Some days are more enjoyable than others. Some days I easily have a heart of joy and patience. Usually I enjoy the work I do at my job. But some days I go to work with a non-joyful heart, and that causes me to fall into a negative pit of despair. I will not have a productive day, or be in a pleasant mood, because all I'm really thinking about is how much I want to stop working and be a mother. I whine and complain about how much I can't wait for that to happen. Instead, I should realign my heart and serve the Lord as much as I can, with joy, while I'm in this present struggle.
Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.
Suffering
I have touched on this topic in a previous blog post, but this served as yet another good reminder of this truth. We as believers in Christ will always suffer in some form or another. Maybe not every minute of every day. Certainly to varying degrees. But don't buy into the prosperity gospel rubbish that when you become a believer in Christ, your life will magically get better and you'll be rich and happy. What is the truth?
Philippians 1:29-30
For to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, experiencing the same conflict which you saw in me, and now hear to be in me.
Philippians 4:11-13
Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
2 Corinthians 1:5-7
For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.
2 Timothy 2:3
Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 2:20-21
For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps.
1 Peter 3:13-17
Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame. For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.
1 Peter 4:12-13, 16
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation...but if anyone suffers as a Christian, he is not to be ashamed, but is to glorify God in this name.
1 Peter 5:10
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
The Shunammite woman likely suffered with sadness at not having a child. Then God finally blessed her with a son in her old age. But her suffering did not end there, it merely changed forms when her son died. She still kept faith by seeking out Elisha's help, instead of letting herself fall into a pit of despair.
So for my life, I need to remember to not be fooled into thinking that the suffering ends with the end of infertility. My suffering may diminish, but I'm almost certain I will experience a great suffering in the future in other ways. But I should strive to respond to that suffering like the Shunammite woman - with joy and faith, turning to the Lord for help. The world is watching us, Christians. Suffer with joy. Keep on rejoicing. Endure it patiently and without giving up hope.
The story says that every time that Elisha and his servant would pass through the Shunammite's territory, the Shunammite woman would request that Elisha and his servant come and allow her to serve them a meal. After a few times of this, the Shunammite woman asked her husband if she could prepare a guest room for Elisha and his servant to stay in whenever they passed through because she knew he was a man of the Lord. So the husband consented, and Elisha and his servant stayed in the guest room prepared for them whenever they passed through.
While staying with the Shunammite couple, Elisha was overcome with gratitude for the woman's hospitality and asked his servant to inquire what Elisha could do for her to make it up to her. The servant asked the woman, but she did not ask for anything in return. But the servant observed that the couple had no children and went and told Elisha that she has no son and her husband is very old (implying that she too is very old, past childbearing age). So Elisha told the woman that by the same time next year, she would embrace her son. So the woman conceived and she bore a son.
When the child was grown up a bit, the child became ill and died. The woman placed the boy in the bed Elisha slept in in their home, and then she immediately traveled to where Elisha and his servant were at the time. Elisha returned with the Shunammite to her home to help the boy, and God worked a miracle through Elisha by reviving the boy.
This story made me think of two applicable points: (1) Serving the Lord with a joyful heart is always the right thing to do; and (2) The pain and suffering you experience with infertility doesn't necessarily end once you have a child.
Serving the Lord
Not much is said about this woman, so I may be stretching it here, but I would assume that if this woman did not have a son for most of her life, she was probably sad and disappointed about this. She probably had a desire to be a mother, and wondered why she couldn't.
But she didn't let that sadness affect her ability to serve the Lord and those chosen by the Lord. She served joyfully. She served thoroughly. She served as much as she could in as many ways as she could think of. Serving meals to Elisha and his servant wasn't good enough in her mind. She knew she could do more to help.
The way I apply this to my own life is how I often allow myself to get into a mental rut associated with our routine life. I get up, get dressed, go to work, come home, go to bed. Sure, there is more to it some days. Some days are more enjoyable than others. Some days I easily have a heart of joy and patience. Usually I enjoy the work I do at my job. But some days I go to work with a non-joyful heart, and that causes me to fall into a negative pit of despair. I will not have a productive day, or be in a pleasant mood, because all I'm really thinking about is how much I want to stop working and be a mother. I whine and complain about how much I can't wait for that to happen. Instead, I should realign my heart and serve the Lord as much as I can, with joy, while I'm in this present struggle.
Colossians 3:23-24
Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.
Suffering
I have touched on this topic in a previous blog post, but this served as yet another good reminder of this truth. We as believers in Christ will always suffer in some form or another. Maybe not every minute of every day. Certainly to varying degrees. But don't buy into the prosperity gospel rubbish that when you become a believer in Christ, your life will magically get better and you'll be rich and happy. What is the truth?
Philippians 1:29-30
For to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, experiencing the same conflict which you saw in me, and now hear to be in me.
Philippians 4:11-13
Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
2 Corinthians 1:5-7
For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.
2 Timothy 2:3
Suffer hardship with me, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 2:20-21
For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps.
1 Peter 3:13-17
Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubled, but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame. For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.
1 Peter 4:12-13, 16
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing, so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation...but if anyone suffers as a Christian, he is not to be ashamed, but is to glorify God in this name.
1 Peter 5:10
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
The Shunammite woman likely suffered with sadness at not having a child. Then God finally blessed her with a son in her old age. But her suffering did not end there, it merely changed forms when her son died. She still kept faith by seeking out Elisha's help, instead of letting herself fall into a pit of despair.
So for my life, I need to remember to not be fooled into thinking that the suffering ends with the end of infertility. My suffering may diminish, but I'm almost certain I will experience a great suffering in the future in other ways. But I should strive to respond to that suffering like the Shunammite woman - with joy and faith, turning to the Lord for help. The world is watching us, Christians. Suffer with joy. Keep on rejoicing. Endure it patiently and without giving up hope.
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