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| People
often refer to the infertility experience as being like a roller
coaster ride. Full of emotional ups and downs. At the beginning of a
new cycle, your hopes rise and you can say with full faith and assurance
that you know God is in control of your life and your future. You know
that He will bring you through this trial in your life, and you trust
Him to give you a baby however He sees fit. Throughout the dreaded two week wait (that always feels like it lasts at least two months) you try to remain positive without letting your hopes rise too high. You know that if you’re not pregnant the fall will be devastating and the crash may be too much to take. The ups and downs are simply ridiculous! Still, you try to trust God through the uncertainty and you tell Him you’ll take whatever He has planned . Day 28 comes. Day 29. Could this be it? Should you wait one more day before you take a home pregnancy test, or should you do it now? Is this the moment you’ve waited for all these months? Did God finally come through? Before the celebrating begins, you realize you’re right back where you started from. There’s no pregnancy, just another period. Another failed attempt. Another time God has said “no”. Another devastating “down” in this roller coaster ride of infertility. The strong faith you held on to just days before seems to have dissipated. You’re hurt, disappointed and confused. If we could roll back the curtains of Heaven and have a face to face conversation with the Almighty, would it sound something like this? “God, why? Don’t You know how badly I want a baby? You didn’t let me conceive. I told You I trusted You. I told You I believed You. I put this in Your hands, God, and You stopped it again!” Perhaps it’s then you would hear your Father say to you, “Child, you’re welcome.” You’re welcome? Did God not understand you? Was there something lost along the way, or did God not understand? No, hurting friend, God didn’t misunderstand. But maybe you did. You are reassured every time you open the Bible that God has a plan for your life that He lovingly designed specifically for you. We quote Jeremiah 29:11 as easily as we can recite our own address and phone number, but do we really believe it? I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. God tells us that He knew us before we grew inside our mother’s womb. He has us engraved on the palms of His hands. He knows you want a baby more than you want the next breath you’ll take. He also knows exactly what needs to happen for His plan to be made manifest in your life to bring about this hope and future for you. God knows the hurt you feel every time you face another period and pregnancy-free month. He also knows that if He allowed you to conceive a child that He has not destined for you it would be a magnanimous tragedy. What if He allowed you to get pregnant, yet His perfect plan for you was an adopted child? What if His beautiful plan for you includes a pregnancy to begin in 6 months, yet He weakened and thought, “Well, she’s begged for a baby so much, I guess I’ll give in and let her conceive a different child now. It won’t be the child I have for her, but I’m tired of hearing her beg.” God loves you more than that. He loves you enough to love you through your misunderstandings. He loves you enough to be a Father who sometimes says “no” when He knows better. He loves you enough to make you wait on Him even when you want something so badly. Remember this: Another month without a pregnancy is not a failure. It is simply another step toward the fulfillment of God’s perfect plan for your family. And for that, we really can be thankful. |
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