Sunday, December 16, 2012

Fertility Envy

This was a very interesting blog post that also references a news article written by a woman who conceived her twins easily, but felt abandoned by her friends that were struggling with infertility. Her point-of-view is interesting to read, even though I don't agree with it. She eventually admits she may have been self-absorbed about her pregnancy and it was simply too much for her infertile friends to handle. The blog post is written by a therapist who specializes in infertility support (and she herself formerly struggled with infertility).

If you'd like to read the blog post, you can click here (within her blog post is the link to the news article).

My takeaway from this subject matter is that:

A) Infertile women have a responsibility to communicate their feelings to their close friends and family. It's only wise to do so sometimes, because how can you blame a person entirely for being insensitive to your pain if you don't even mention your pain to them? Be specific. Tell them exactly what hurt your feelings, even if you think it's totally obvious. To someone who's never experienced infertility, it may not be so obvious. And don't be afraid of speaking up about your hurt feelings. Yes, it may feel awkward, but it will feel so much better having gotten that off your chest. A lot of infertility, I have found, involves teaching your family and friends what it's all about. Before I struggled with it, I had no clue what IVF, BFP, 2WW, TTC, etc. meant. I had no idea how painful it is. I had no idea how even the "innocent" question of, "So, when are you planning to have kids?" would feel like a knife cutting deep.

B) Pregnant women or women who are already mothers have a responsibility to their infertile friends to treat their heart with care. If you are aware of your infertile friends' struggles, or even simply aware of someone you know who is struggling with infertility, it's your responsibility to behave in a considerate manner. Think twice before you speak, and only speak words that encourage and edify your struggling friends. As a believer, you are called not to be a stumbling block to fellow brothers or sisters in Christ, so shame on you if you carelessly brag or complain about your pregnancy around your infertile friends.

C) We all, as human beings and especially as believers in Christ, have a responsibility to serve others around us. To not be self-absorbed and only focused on your own life. The woman who wrote the article, as the blog writer wrote, was probably unaware that those friendships were already not as close as she thought. It seemed to me that the writer was very self-absorbed and wanted to be showered with lots of praise and attention for being pregnant. Selfishness. With regard to pregnancy and children, always be thankful and humble about your blessings. After all, you did not create those children, you were merely the humble vessel God chose to carry and raise those children, so don't act prideful and selfish about it. Infertile women should strive to not let infertility struggles define your life, and consume your every thought and conversation with others. You should still invest in the others around you and not be self-consumed by your pain. Even unrelated to pregnancy, no one wants to be around a person who only cares about themselves, and shows no interest in how others around them are doing. Be selfless and not selfish.

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