A Life of Uncertainty

A life of uncertainty. That's what I'm facing.

I suppose that's what we're all facing. No one knows what the future holds, except for God. Your life could end at any moment. Your loved ones could be taken from this earth at any moment. We, as human beings, may have control over some things, but there will always remain parts of our lives that we simply cannot control.

If you're a planner, like me, you may find this extremely challenging to accept. It's so incredibly easy to delude yourself into thinking that you maintain more control over your life and future than you actually do. It can be difficult to swallow that moment when you realize this essential truth of life. When you are faced with the choice: to accept it or fight it.

I've been attempting to accept it lately. It's not easy. (Then again, this whole journey has been the furthest thing from easy.) But I'm working on it. Slowly, I'm starting to accept that this is the situation we are in. We are childless. We want children. We pray for children. We hope for children. We hope the Lord will answer our prayers. But we do not know the future. We do not know how long this will last. We do not know what lies ahead, or how this painful journey will end. We simply do not know.

But God does.

This is where hope is conceived. This is where faith is truly tested. This is where I'm daily facing that choice, to accept or fight that God is the One in control of this instead of me.

Some days I fail and choose to fight it. Those days usually end with tears and fits of depression. But on the days I choose to accept it, and better yet, choose to move closer to the One who IS in control, because who better to get close to than the one holding the key to my future, the one who can see the end already, the one who saw the end from the beginning of time? Those days my heart is at peace. My heart and mind are at peace, and I'm okay relinquishing that compulsive need to know everything that is going to happen. That need to have a plan. That need to have an answer. There is freedom in this acceptance.

Music has always been important to me. I would connect so strongly with certain songs based on my emotions and how it related to my life. When I was single, I struggled with singleness. I struggled with depression and hopelessness at my uncertain future. I was terrified that I would never marry. It frightened me to read the Scripture about the gift of singleness, that for some people, it's better to remain single than to marry. At that time of singleness in my life, I was not turning to uplifting music to encourage me through that painful journey. I would listen to whiny, depressing songs. It's no wonder I struggled with depression! You know the saying "you are what you eat"? Well, I say "you are what you listen to".

This time around, throughout my present painful journey, I've been clinging to certain Christian-artist songs. My heart fills so quickly with hope every time I listen to one on my "Encouraging Songs List". I'd like to share my absolute favorite with you right now: Josh Wilson "Before the Morning".



I absolutely love this song. The lyrics speak so deeply into my heart. I hope that if you're reading this and you're facing a future of uncertainty and struggling with that, maybe this song will uplift your heart as well. I've copied and pasted the song lyrics below.

Hope & Peace,
Christine


Josh Wilson - "Before the Morning"

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, and just fight the good fight
because the pain that you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good for those who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, and just fight the good fight
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Come on, you got to wait for the light
press on, and just fight the good fight
because the pain that you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning