Hope Does Not Disappoint: Wall of Hope

Friday, June 15, 2012

Wall of Hope

You know the cliche "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"? Well, I disagree with that...I like to keep my friends closer because as iron sharpens iron, their love and support are a big part of what helps me keep a heart of joy and hope.

Several friends have been so sensitive and considerate of my feelings. Some who have found out that they will be expecting a bundle of joy have taken the time to send me a private message to "warn" me that they will be announcing soon, and that they told me ahead of time in order to spare me of any hurt feelings. I've got to say, when a friend of mine does this, my respect and gratitude for them jumps by a lot. So if you have been one of those who have shown me this type of consideration, I greatly thank you for making this infertility journey easier on me. I thank God for placing you in my life and giving you a selfless heart of love for others. Trust me, I won't ever forget your kindness.

And several other friends have been so supportive of us through prayer, asking us how we're doing or how they can help, and sending me little notes of encouragement. I have received several to date, and I wanted to do more than just file them away after reading them the first time.

So I started a Wall of Hope.

This Wall of Hope started originally from a gift that my friend, Anna, gave to me for throwing a baby shower for her. She was one of those sensitive and awesome friends who knew my pain and struggles, and did everything (and still does everything) she could to make this journey easier on me while she was pregnant. She gave me a wall decor of Matthew 21:22 that says "Pray for anything and if you have faith you will receive it."

So I hung it in the one room where I struggle the most with infertility...my bathroom. Yes, the place where I'm most often reminded about our struggle with infertility. Where I notice the changes in my fertility cycle, and experience the disappointment that parenthood will have to wait at least another month.

The Wall of Hope grew after our church's pastor's wife gave me another wall decor that simply says the word "HOPE". She gave this gift to me just before the first Hope Does Not Disappoint support group meeting kicked off.

So I added it to the Wall of Hope in the bathroom.

Then, as I mentioned previously, I decided I wanted to do more with the sweet and encouraging notes that friends have sent to me, rather than just keep them in a box in a closet.

So they joined the Wall of Hope.

This is one of the ways that God has shown me His love through our trial...He has brought to the surface how many people He has placed in our lives who love us, and have the heart to pray for us to become parents. God has richly blessed us in this way, and we are truly thankful.

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Our Story

So far our journey is not over, but the lessons learned will last a lifetime. Michael and I have been married since 2007. In early December 2010, we decided to begin trying to start a family. I'm a planner, and had high expectations that we would get pregnant right away, just in time to announce it to our families on Christmas morning. But to my surprise, we did not get pregnant.

After finding no medical explanation for our inability to conceive (unexplained infertility), we began eating a whole foods, plant-based diet and exercising regularly. This helped regulate my hormones greatly and improved many aspects of our overall health (lost 30 lbs and kept it off, yay!) This has been our lifestyle since late 2012, yet we still have not been able to conceive. Clearly there is a bigger reason for this.

In late 2013, we felt God moving us to adopt. This was remarkable considering that, in the past, we never once considered adopting a child. But over the years of struggling with infertility, God taught us that no child - whether it comes from our physical bodies or elsewhere - is truly ours, but will always belong to God. We wanted to be parents, and we decided there was no reason to wait.

We desire to have children through adoption AND pregnancy. However the Lord wishes to grow our family, that's what we want too. We are completely trusting God with these details. How and when He brings children into our family is completely up to Him.

In March 2014 we submitted our application to the agency we chose. We didn't know it at the time (but God did), but that was also the month that our daughter was conceived. After being officially approved and put on the waiting list in August 2014, we were told the average wait would be 15 months. But God had other plans. Only 3 months later we received THE call from our caseworker that a birth mother had chosen us to adopt her baby, and the baby girl was due in a month.

We were overjoyed at this news and felt instant love for the birth family. I mean, out of all the couples waiting to adopt, they picked US! It felt humbling and amazing and overwhelming with only a month to prepare. We got to meet both sides of the birth family and we get along very well. They invited us to be at the hospital for our daughter's birth and wanted us to hold her shortly after being born. They chose to let us share in so many precious moments that they didn't have to do. They are such welcoming people, and we love them all so much!

After our daughter was two days old, we brought her home and started life together as a family of three. Though there were many things about parenthood that went differently than planned, or were frustrating in some moments, it has truly been such an honor to be our daughter's parents. She brings so much joy into our hearts with her sweet smile, laugh, and unique personality. I can't imagine her not being part of our family. We continue to keep in touch with the birth family on a regular basis. After all, we're all family now!

Through this journey, I have experienced such growth in my faith. Our story is proof that God gives good gifts and He truly cares for the desires of our hearts. He may not give you every desire in the way you ask for it, but He is faithful "and we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

I have learned that I need to surrender to the Lord and let Him lead this endeavor. So that is my goal: “let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus” – Hebrews 12:1-2.

Prayer of My Heart

"Heavenly Father, it seems as if every month brings about disappointment because I pray for a child and nothing happens. I don’t understand why I have to suffer like this. But in your Word, You say that I am to rejoice in my sufferings, because it gives me perseverance for the journey ahead, and perseverance brings about better character in me, and character; hope. I praise you for your great love, which has been shed in my heart by your Holy Spirit, which gives me hope that does not disappoint, as I continue to believe in You. Thank you! In Jesus’ name, amen."

[From Dancing Upon Barren Land]