The Adventures of Peeing in a Cup

The last time I blogged about this topic, it was in regards to taking a pregnancy test.

I'm...happy?...to say that this time, it is in regards to something else. Gimme a "U"! Gimme a "T"! Gimme a "I"! Put it together, and what do you get? U.T.I.!

Fine print: A U.T.I. may cause a sudden sense of panic when you realize that you've taken three trips to the bathroom in the past hour at work, and that you should probably go ahead and go submit a urine sample in case your nightmare is about to be realized...that you do in fact have a U.T.I. and since the lab closes at 4:30pm, you better leave work early. It may also cause a sense of urgency...not only in the need to urinate, but in your willingness to take any and all medication necessary to stop the BURNING and discomfort. Oh yeah, and a U.T.I. may also cause you to feel like your bladder hates you and has caught on fire, and that the insides of your urethra are lined with gasoline. Warning: Do not mix fire and gasoline.

So at the lab, they give you a cup to submit your urine sample in. They act like it's all discreet, but seriously, I'm pretty sure even a five-year-old is intelligent enough to figure out that a person carrying an empty cup into a bathroom is not trying to get a glass of water.

And they have the little "discreet" secret door in the wall where you leave your fresh sample for some technician to take out from the other side. There is nothing discreet about carrying a cup full of yellow liquid from the bathroom to this secret door.

But my favorite part of this process are the instructions in the bathroom stall:



To sum up the instructions, you must NEVER touch anything that is remotely close to the lid of the specimen container, and you need to have at least three hands to hold everything.

Thankfully, Dr. S. is super awesome, and he called me that same evening and prescribed me some antibiotics which started making me feel better the next morning, so all is well now. :)