Overjoyed and Overwhelmed

I intended to write a blog post last week explaining that we had a change in caseworkers because B had decided to change careers and was sadly leaving our agency. We were sad to see her go because we had specifically requested B to be our caseworker after we met her at the initial orientation and really liked her personality. It's pretty important for us to feel a connection to the person working as our caseworker. Even though we did not want to lose her, we had also enjoyed meeting "I," the caseworker who completed our home visit portion of the home study, so we requested to be placed in I's caseload if possible.

We were happy to hear last week from "I" that she was in fact assigned as our new caseworker. She is so sincere and sweet. She called me just to ask if I had any questions and to tell me that she's looking forward to working with us. She also loved seeing our profile book. "I" informed me that compared to other waiting families, we are more on the open side, so there was a likelihood that our profile might be shown to a tougher background situation soon.

So that was last week.

This past week, I turned 30 on Tuesday. I had a blast celebrating with friends and family over the weekend, and affectionately call myself 30, nerdy, and thriving! "I" even sent me an email on my birthday just to wish me a happy one.

Then came Wednesday, November 19th. Busy day at the office, but got to eat a quick lunch with Michael. Then my phone rang around 2:30 pm. I recognized the area code and actually thought it might be "I" calling.

Sure enough it was. "I" called and asked how I'm doing. I said good and thanked her again for the sweet birthday email. She said, "Well, I have a birthday present for you. On your birthday yesterday, I mailed your profile book to a birth mother with a tougher background."

"But today I have an even bigger birthday present for you: a birth mother saw your online profile and picked you guys to adopt her baby."

I immediately asked her to hold on a second, dialed Michael on my office phone and abruptly said, "Hi...come down here now." I don't think I was even polite enough to say please!

"I" chuckled a little and said it must be nice working close to one another. I agreed. She asked if I call him to my office often, and I said no, so he's probably thinking it's something bad. Michael quickly arrived and shut my door while I put my phone on speaker.

"I" repeated the news...and I think that's when my mind started to shut down because my heart and emotions took over. Because here's what she said next:

"It's a girl and she's due December 16th."



She asked if we wanted to hear about the birth mother.

Of course!

So "I" told us the details she knew at the time: 17 years old, senior in high school, also lives in Texas, is very certain about adoption because she recognizes she is not prepared to parent and has goals/dreams she hopes to achieve. She said the birth mother waited a while to tell her parents because she was afraid of how they would react, but finally told them in early November. Since that time, the birth mother has been receiving pre-natal care.

She told us that the birth mother's parents were really supportive when she finally told them. And that the birth father and his family are also supportive of this adoption plan.

And here is where it begins to be a complete and obvious God-thing.

"I" told us that apparently the birth mother's mom, who was trying to show her support of the adoption decision, started searching online profiles.

On Tuesday - my birthday - she came across our online profile at ParentProfiles and as "I" said, "fell in love with us." She then showed our profile to her daughter (the birth mother) and she too fell in love with us.

Late Tuesday night, the birth mother called our agency and told them she wasn't interested in seeing anyone else's profile - she wants us to adopt her baby.

If you're not crying yet, grab a tissue in case this next part sends you over the edge.

"I" told us that one of the main reasons the birth mother's mom thought her daughter might like us is because the birth mother considers herself a "die-hard vegetarian" and loved that we are so passionate about that too.

You guys, the fact that we eat a plant-based diet was something we felt hesitant about stating in our profile because we feared no birth mother would want to pick us crazy leaf-eating hippies. Isn't that just so like God, to take something we're insecure about and reassure us that His love knows no bounds? And to think, we never would have been open to eating a plant-based diet had it not been for our struggles with infertility. I started weeping after "I" told us that part.

Furthermore, all along we have desired - but not expected - to end up in a situation where we might be able to pick the baby up directly from the hospital (at the minimum 48 hours after birth) instead of having to wait for placement to be at least 30 days after birth. In the latter situation, they place the baby in a transitional family's home while they wait the statute of limitations for the birth father to possibly appear to claim parental rights.

But in this situation, because the birth father is known, supportive, and cooperating, this will be the situation we have desired - pick up from the hospital.

All along, we have also desired a healthy birth mother who might take good care of herself while pregnant (no drugs or alcohol consumption). We were willing to consider some of the tougher situations where usage was involved, but that is not this situation either - the birth mother has taken great care of herself.

I'd like to just pause for a moment and link to this song that speaks directly to our hearts right now: "Overwhelmed" by Big Daddy Weave.





We are speechless and overcome with awe at how intimately God knows our hearts. And beyond that, He so tenderly touches the deepest corners of our hearts in unexpected and unimaginable ways.

This journey was not our original plan. But it has clearly been God's plan all along. It is because, and only because, of our inability to conceive a biological child that we even considered adoption in the first place.

And now there is a brave young lady and a precious baby girl inside her womb that are about to meld with our lives forever.

God's plans may not line up with your plans, and they might contain a fair share of pain and suffering, but I hope you can see from our story that His plans also contain immense joy and grace.

This is an answer to many of our prayers. A 4-year struggle with infertility led to an unexpected surprise of only waiting 3 months to be chosen by a birth mother to adopt her baby.

We are so excited, scared, overjoyed, overwhelmed, and completely awestruck.

In less than 4 weeks, we will become parents! And we're happy to share the name if you ask us, but on the blog I'll just share her initials: EVY - we plan to use that as a nickname anyway. :)

We have enjoyed sharing this joyous news with family and friends and thank you all so much for the outpouring of love and support. You have made us feel so secure and encouraged, which is what we needed with all of the emotions and short time line of preparing for a baby. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for us to be prepared, for the birth mother to have a safe and healthy delivery, for God to comfort her heart as she faces the emotions of placing her baby for adoption, and for our little "sweet potato" to feel the abundant love that already exists for her.

Much Love,
Christine

So...Now What?

Many friends and loved ones have been asking for updates on our adoption journey. It usually goes something like this:

Friend: "So...um...how is the adoption...like...going?"

My answers have probably been very underwhelming, but I just want you all to know that we welcome people to ask about our journey. So please don't ever hesitate to ask us about it. :)

With that said, I just want to prepare you for our typical answer when you do ask:

Me: "Good...we're just still waiting..."

That's pretty much all we're going to be doing for a while. And that's okay - we're prepared for that and are very used to waiting. The difference between our current "waiting" and our previous "waiting" is that there is an extremely high chance of a baby at the end of this waiting.

Over the past 4 years with infertility, the waiting was very uncertain with no guarantee whatsoever of a baby through pregnancy. That's what made it so difficult. There was no due date, no deadline, and no approximate timeline. Just the month-to-month cyclical agony of "Maybe?" and then "No."

But with adoption -- especially how God so clearly opened our hearts to even consider adopting in the first place -- we are very confident that a baby is on the way to joining our family. It may take a year or more for that to actually happen, but it feels more like a really lengthy pregnancy than the complete uncertainty that comes with infertility.

So...Now What?

If you are at all unfamiliar with the adoption process (like I once was), I'm happy to share what's been happening with our journey since getting approved.

First, you can see that more than 2 months have passed since we were officially approved. That's crazy to me how fast the time has gone, but in a good way. Our lives have been really busy during that time, but we have made some progress in the adoption process.

After we were approved, our caseworker, B, told us to work on our profiles. It probably varies by agency, but our agency wanted us to create:

1. Printed profile book
2. Agency's website online profile
3. ParentProfiles.com online profile
4. Agency's Facebook page profile (if you are a sneaky super spy and you manage to find our profile on our agency's Facebook page, please do NOT comment or "like" it in any way; we do not want our personal Facebook account with our full names associated with our adoption profile.)

Thank God we had already started working on our printed profile book months ago! It took much more time than either one of us had originally thought. Granted, we are both perfectionists, so we spent a ton of time picking out the most appropriate photos, caption text, and organizing the flow of it. But our efforts clearly paid off because B literally had only four comments. Four! And they were so minor that she said we didn't need to run the final version past her before ordering the printed copies. If you're interested in seeing our printed profile book, you can click here to view it.

For the online profiles, we took a selection of photos from the printed book and used a lot of the same text. Having spent so much time and effort on the printed books made it much easier to build the three online profiles. The hardest part was getting familiar with each online profile builder. Again, I don't want to share the Facebook profile in order to avoid it somehow linking up with our personal account, but here are the links to view our profiles on the agency's website and ParentProfiles.com

Now that we're finished with all of our profiles, we've completed all the steps that we have control over, so we are now waiting for the Lord to finish the rest of this story. Essentially we are waiting for a birth mother (whose situation fits with our level of openness) to view our profile and want to meet us. B said that our printed book will probably be shown around months 6-9 (February-May 2015). They only show a small number of books to a birth mother at a time (so as not to overwhelm her with choices) and they first show families' books that have been waiting longer to be fair. But anyone can view our online profiles and so potentially a birth mother could see our profile and contact our agency before our printed book is ever shown. Again, God is the One in control of this process.

During this time of waiting, our agency requests that we take various courses and continue to become educated about adoption. So far, we have taken a Baby Care Basics class and an Infant CPR class, which was where we met this creepy dummy doll:



We have also joined a support group at our church specifically for families that foster or adopt. It's been wonderful meeting other families who have walked this road ahead of us and can offer some wisdom and perspective.

We're so thankful to each of you that continues to pray for us and support us as we wait for God to deliver our baby into our lives!

Webinar About Infertility

My friend, Jocelyn, told me about this webinar. I'll be busy during work that day, but hope to watch it later because I think it would be encouraging. If you or anyone you know is struggling with infertility, feel free to pass along this opportunity.

Infertility is a difficult and delicate topic for 25% of couples in the childbearing stage of life. Few will talk openly about it. But Sheridan and Merryn Voysey do.

Join the Voyseys and host Tim Jackson on Tuesday, October 14, from 10:00-11:00 a.m. EDT as RBC Ministries presents a live webinar called Infertility: Finding Hope with Empty Arms. The Voyseys share their story of enduring a decade of failed in vitro fertilization (IFV) procedures and attempts to adopt without any success. They know firsthand the painful burden of hope deferred and the heartache and isolation that haunts couples struggling with infertility.

In this webinar we will explore some of the healthy and unhealthy ways a couple can respond when facing the problem of infertility. As a part of this lively discussion, you will learn to:

• Identify how husbands and wives handle the struggles of infertility differently
• Understand the challenges and decisions regarding infertility options
• Understand the ethical dilemma of in vitro fertilization (IFV) for Christian couples
• Discover the commonality in all broken dreams that is not unique to infertility
• Understand how perhaps the greater tragedy than a broken dream is a life forever defined by it

If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility or another broken dream, plan to join us for Infertility: Finding Hope with Empty Arms and listen to a couple who has walked that road and found hope and healing.

Register today by clicking on the link below.

Join the conversation on Twitter! #EmptyArms

Approved and Waiting!

We just wanted to share the good news that it's official - we've been approved to adopt through our agency, which means we're now officially waiting for a birth mother to choose us to adopt her baby!



They have told us in the past that from this point forward, the average wait time is about 15 months, but it's all in God's hands. He knows the exact child that should end up in our family and we just look forward to meeting our little Burlap Sack Baby!

We would appreciate your continued prayers that we would have patience as we wait to meet our precious baby and prepare to become parents!

SO Worth the Wait

This past weekend was full of joyous celebration as I co-hosted a baby shower for my dear friend, Jocelyn. I met Jocelyn for the first time in August 2011 at NWYM class. I overheard her tearful conversation with someone else in the class that she had been trying to get pregnant for a while and didn't know what else to do. My ears perked up immediately, because my heart was struggling with the same thing.

I boldly introduced myself and shared that I too had been trying to get pregnant for several months (it had not quite been one year for me at the time) and asked if she wanted to be friends. We had an instant connection over such a heartbreaking trial.

I remember the first time we hung out, we shared our background stories and our struggles with infertility. Oh how much we hated measuring our basal body temperatures. (We even joked that hopefully after getting pregnant someday, we'd throw a thermometer burning party.) We shared our frustrations with the insensitive comments and questions from well-meaning people (So, do you have any kids? Oh don't worry, just relax, and it'll happen! Oh I know exactly how you feel - it took us 2 whole months to conceive our third child.) We also shared the bittersweet pain we felt when friends announced their pregnancies, and the feeling that we were left behind, forgotten by God and society even though our hearts longed to be remembered.

In a world that does not talk enough about, let alone understand, infertility and the deep pain it causes, we shared a sisterly bond that will likely last the rest of our lives. We got together regularly for lunch, and then stayed in touch through email and telephone after they moved out of town. We supported one another through all the doctor's appointments, blood test results, two week waits, negative pregnancy tests, and the dreaded periods. We encouraged one another, cried together, laughed together, reminded one another that God has a plan, and always kept hoping that one day our struggles would end with us finally becoming mothers.



The thing about God's plan is that it takes time. Usually much more time than you want or realize.

But the point of waiting, and of suffering, is not what is waiting at the end of the road. It's all the bumps, rocks, and cracks along the way. 

Those sharp rocks hurt like nothing else, but they make you tougher. They teach you to accept your present circumstances but to push onward and not let your circumstances define you.

Those deep cracks that your countless tears fall into make you feel like your prayers go unanswered. That you are alone in the darkness. Uncared for. Forgotten. But when you're in utter darkness, you stand the best chance of seeing the tiniest sparks of Light. You're ears are primed and ready to hear the softest whispers.

It's the journey to what's waiting at the end that makes the waiting worth going through. As Michael so wisely said one time, "The blessing of infertility isn't so much the child at the end, but the trial itself."



Though it is deeply painful, and makes you question everything about yourself and what makes you a woman, infertility is one of the greatest blessings God can give His daughters. Because it always has a purpose. You see it multiple times in the Bible - Sarah, Rachel, Elizabeth, Hannah, Ruth, Rebekah - women who suffered years of waiting to conceive a child. But each child played an integral role in God's plan.

Every story of suffering, every trial, has a purpose. God truly does have a plan, but He will not be rushed. His plan is intricate and perfect and simply has to unfold according to His timing.

So while you're on that bumpy, rocky, crack-filled road...pay attention. Look around and listen for God. There is so much to be learned from Him along the journey. The waiting is not in vain. It's the most important part. And God's plan is SO worth the wait!

God, I thank you so much for answering my prayers for Jocelyn to become pregnant. I thank you for her friendship and the journey you've brought each of us on. You are always and only good, and I look forward to seeing the rest of Your plan unfold.

Home Study Part 2 Complete

We had our office interviews with our caseworker, B, on Friday, June 20th - the day before leaving on our vacation to Costa Rica!

We woke up early and drove to The Chosen Agency's office to meet at 9:00am. By the time we actually sat down to start the interviews, it was about 9:30am.

First, B interviewed us as a couple. For those that are unfamiliar with adoption, I want to shed some light on just how PERSONAL it is. There is nothing left under the table - we were asked about our marriage, our struggles, how we fight/resolve conflicts, strengths and weaknesses, how we plan to parent, what kind of expectations we have regarding the adoption process, the adopted child, and parenting. And we were asked for more detail about what situations we are or are not comfortable adopting with (such as ethnicity considerations, drug/alcohol usage, the nature of the unplanned pregnancy such as rape).

Michael and I consider ourselves to be pretty open and direct people, but it's very uncomfortable putting yourselves in the spotlight and having all your secrets, fears, and vulnerabilities exposed. We completely understand why the adoption process is so personal in order to look out for the child's interests, but I hope I've communicated well that the automatic "solution" to infertility is not necessarily adopting because it's an extremely invasive process that couples who only have biological children may not fully understand. (Imagine if when you got pregnant, your doctor began questioning you on the state of your marriage, struggles with sin, how you plan to parent, how accepting your family will be, etc.) We were real close to B after all those questions! :)

B interviewed us as a couple until about 11:30am, and then we broke for lunch. We drove to a local vegan restaurant and enjoyed a very tasty meal with dessert.






We got back to The Chosen Agency around 1:30pm and continued our couples interview until about 3:30pm. B had told us that the whole thing would take approximately 4 hours to complete. Well, we must be very long-winded because 3:30pm was when we finished the couples interview. Then B interviewed Michael one-on-one until 4:00pm and they still did not finish all of the questions! B told us to enjoy our vacation and to schedule the remaining one-on-one interviews over the phone.

Well, we just completed our one-on-one interviews Wednesday and yesterday. These questions were also very personal: talked about our childhood, our parents individually, how we're alike and unlike our parents, how are our parents' marriages and parenting tactics, what we learned from them about marriage and parenting, other family members, strengths and weaknesses of our spouse, any physical, mental, emotional, or financial concerns related to adoption. So. Personal.

But, we're done, we've shared honestly and openly, perhaps more than she wanted to hear. It's been very humbling and eye-opening that so many life events and relationships can impact your personality and influence your parenting. Though we feel a little bit on display, we also feel more confident about becoming parents and learned a lot throughout these interviews. We're also really, really thankful to have B as our caseworker, because she is so friendly, sweet, and reassuring.

So now what?

B and her team will review our application in depth. (It sounds weird to say, but it's like we'll be discussed in detail in a committee.) After reviewing our application, they will decide whether or not to approve us to adopt through their agency. We should hear from them around mid-August with this decision. If approved, we'll officially be added to the waiting list. Yes, THE waiting list! That will also start the clock on their average "wait time" of 15 months.

God is good (always and only good). He has completely led this process, and we trust Him to work out all of the details as we wait to become parents. We're so excited to see His plan unfold!

Home Study Part 1 Complete

This past Friday was our first part of the home study - the house visit. The whole thing went even better than we would have thought and was much more relaxed than expected.

Since The Chosen Agency is located in a different city, our caseworker, B, sent fellow caseworker, "I", who was traveling through our area to conduct the house visit. "I" was super nice and was very helpful in filling us in on what happens next. She did a walk-through of the house, and talked with us about certain safety measures, such as developing a fire escape plan, filing a will, gun safety, child-proofing, etc.

It was fun to talk and get to know her a little better, as well as getting a chance to share our story with her. She said their main job as a caseworker is to make sure that the potential adoptive parents are well-equipped and knowledgeable to adopt a child. It makes logical sense that they work with a lot of couples who struggled with infertility, so they want to make sure that the couple has dealt with their grief regarding infertility and are fully prepared to parent an adopted child because raising an adopted child is very different than raising a biological child. In other words, adoption isn't always the best fit for every family, and they want to make sure the adoptive parents are prepared for the unique considerations associated with adopting. They also want to make sure the home is a stable and healthy environment for the child (healthy marriage and other relationships).

We felt very encouraged afterwards because Michael and I have come full circle regarding adoption, and we feel confident that adopting a child is a great fit for growing our family.

So what next?

The second and final part of the home study process will take place on Friday, June 20th. We'll meet with B for about 4 hours and get interviewed individually and as a couple. The content will be much more personal and will focus on our feelings, personalities, parenting plans, family/friends, etc. I'm naturally a crier, so I'm sure I'll shed a few tears simply because this whole subject is very close to my heart. :)

After the second part is complete, we should hear back from B within a month (around July 20th) about whether or not Michael and I are officially approved by The Chosen Agency. If approved, that date will officially begin our waiting period to be chosen by a birth mother. (They told us the average wait time from that point on is about 15 months.) God knows exactly how this story will end, and we're excited to see His plan revealed!